The weather had been problematic all the way up from the shadowgate. We had had to skirt rain storms and thunder-heads again and again. That had cost us more than a day.
Now, only twenty miles out, there was no evading the weather. Except by going up way high, where it was icy cold and almost impossible to breathe, then zigging back and forth between seething mountains of cloud while being tossed and taunted by turbulence. Shukrat and Arkana were dead set against getting caught aloft in a thunderstorm. Arkana told me, “Think what might happen if you got hit by lightning.”
I did not think long. There was no one I wanted to see badly enough to have my post blow up between my legs. I headed for the ground. We holed up in a Gunni farming village where the locals treated us with the same cautious respect they would have shown a trio of nagas, the evil serpent people Gunni myth has living deep underground but surfacing to plague humanity on numerous occasions, always a couple, three villages away.
We did not steal any of their babies or maidens, nor their sacred cattle, nor even their sheep. I found it interesting that they were sufficiently flexible religiously to raise sheep for sale to folks like the Vehdna, who were going to gobble them right down.
The lightning quit stomping around soon after midnight. We left our hosts with coin enough to have them blessing our names. Which we never mentioned.
There was no lightning now but there was a steady, light rain. The Voroshk apparel helped, but only some. I was cold and miserable and my pet crow, now riding right in front of me in order to get under a fold of my cloak, was so far gone in the miseries that it no longer bothered to complain.
The Company barracks seemed both unnaturally quiet and abnormally alert. Armed sentries appeared everywhere. “Looks like Suvrin’s worried about an attack.”
“Something must have happened.”
I hovered. “You girls sense anything?”
“Something definitely isn’t right,” Arkana said. “I don’t know what.”
“We’d better find out.” Gone less than two weeks and everything had gone to hell?
Survin explained. I controlled myself and did not run off to see Lady before I got the whole story. Suvrin told me, “General Singh has Tobo in a cell that’s isolated so the Unknown Shadows can’t reach him for instructions. Singh won’t let anyone visit Tobo. We do know the kid is hurt, though.”
“Obviously. Or he wouldn’t put up with this. He tried something stupid?”
“Oh, yes. And I don’t have the horses to get him out of it.”
“Now you do. If you want to bother. What about Lady?”
“We don’t know what happened. Nobody was there. And I’ve had no reports recently. Last I heard, she was conscious but sullen and unresponsive. And the girl is worse. Your effort was successful?”
“Pretty much. Which probably explains Lady and Booboo.” I did not expand. “It feels creepy around here.”
“Gets more that way every night. Tobo’s friends aren’t happy. And they get unhappier by the hour. But Aridatha isn’t intimidated.”
“We’ll see if we can’t change that. After I see my wife.” Or the person who used to be my wife.
I took Arkana with me. Just in case. “Don’t say anything. Just stay in the background and cover me,” I told her.
There was a guard outside my quarters but he was not there to keep anyone in. Probably not to keep anyone out, either. He was an early-warning marker for Suvrin. He and I exchanged nods. He broke Arkana’s heart by failing to notice that she was an attractive young woman. I guess that was supposed to be obvious despite the Voroshk outfit.
Lady sat at a small table. She stared into nothingness. At some time she had been playing a solitaire-type card game but had lost interest long ago. The lamp beside her was almost drained of oil. Black smoke boiled off it because its wick needed trimming.
Wherever she was looking, it was plain she saw nothing but despair.
She had lost all interest in maintaining her appearance.
I laid my good hand on her right shoulder. “Darling. I’m back.”
She did not respond right away. Once she did recognize my voice she pulled away. “
I glanced back at Arkana, to see if she was paying attention. This would be a critical moment. “I killed her. Just the way we contracted to do.” If there was any fragment of the Goddess in her now, that ought to provoke a reaction.
It did but not the physical attempt at revenge I would have preferred. Almost.
She just started crying.
I did not remind her that she had known this day was coming. Instead, I asked, “How is Booboo? How is she taking it?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her.”
“What? Before I left we couldn’t get you away from her long enough to eat.”
The dam broke. The tears started. She became a woman I had not seen before, busted open like an overly ripe fruit. “I tried to kill her.”
“What?” She had spoken very softly.
“I tried to kill her, Croaker! I tried to murder my own daughter! I tried, with all my will and strength, to put a dagger in her heart! And I would’ve done it if something hadn’t knocked me out.”
“I know you. So I know there was a reason other than you just thought it might be fun. What was it?”
She babbled. Years of holding everything together gave way. The floods swept all before them.
The timing matched my assault on Kina. Lady’s violent reaction to Booboo could have been caused by fear leaking through from the Goddess. Booboo’s own behavior would have been shaped the same way.
Lady sobbed for a long time. I held her. I feared for her. She had fallen so far. And I had been ballast almost every foot of the way down.
All my fault? Or just the spark and romance of youth’s summer turning to the bleak seasons of despair of old age?
Arkana was a good daughter. She stood by patiently throughout the emotional storm. She remained there for me without intruding on my wife’s black hours. After we left I thanked her profoundly.
“You think she’ll be able to pull herself back together?” Arkana asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t know how to make her want to. If she did, I wouldn’t have any worries. She’s got an iron will when she wants to direct it. Right now I’m just going to try to keep on loving her and hoping something happens to sting her with a spark of hope.”
“I don’t know if I could stand being completely powerless, either. I might kill myself.”
“Nine hundred ninety-nine people out of a thousand live their whole lives without having a millionth of your power. And they get by.”
“Only because they’re completely ignorant of what they’re missing. Nobody mourns losing what they never had in the first place.”
She had me there.
The full meaning of Lady’s melancholy would be denied me forever because I was never able to experience life as she had at the opposite extreme. Whereas she knew my way of life very well indeed.
And that might be contributing to her despair as well.
138
Taglios:
The Lost Child
