Web Site Story

It was a bit of a struggle getting Big Bob out of the ambulance. The stretcher he was attached to seemed to have become somewhat twisted during the journey and the drop-down wheels didn't drop down properly. Big Bob slid from the end of the stretcher and fell onto the tarmac right upon his head.

'And I suppose you'd like to blame me for that!' said the ambulance driver.

'Who, me?’ said the ambulance man.

They finally got the drop-down wheels dropped down and they finally got Big Bob back onto the stretcher. Then they did that comedy wheeling the patient through all those double hospital swing doors routine, where the patient's head goes bang bang bang against them.

'Do you remember the time', said the ambulance man, as Big Bob's head opened the doors into casualty, 'when you were put in charge of organizing the hospital dance?'

'Of course,' said the ambulance driver. 'The Sixties Hop, and what a success that was.' Big Bob's head opened the doors into the main corridor.

'Oh yeah, right,' said the ambulance man. 'And you booked 'name' bands. Chas 'n' Dave, Peters and Lee, Sam and Dave and Peter and Gordon.'

'And?' said the ambulance driver. Bang went Big Bob's head.

'And you gave them all separate changing rooms and then you forgot who was in each one and got them all mixed up. How well I remember Dave and Dave singing on stage. And Peters and Peter, not to mention Gordon and Lee.'

'Gordon and Lee?'

'I told you not to mention them.'

Bang went Big Bob's head. And 'That is quite enough,' said he.

'Eh?' went the ambulance man.

'What?' said the ambulance driver.

Big Bob said, 'Stop and let me off this stretcher.'

'That was a bit unexpected,' said the ambulance man.

Td been expecting it,' said the ambulance driver.

'Let me off' Big Bob struggled and being Big Bob and so very Big and all, he burst open the straps that constrained him and leapt down from the trolley.

'Ouch,' he went, hopping on his big right foot.

'Fractured left big toe,' said the ambulance man. 'You should have that put in a sling.'

'Prat,' said the ambulance driver. 'You mean splint.'

'I said splint.'

'No, you said sling.'

Big Bob hopped about some more. 'Shut up!' he shouted. 'Thou blathering ninnies.'

'There's gratitude for you,' said the ambulance driver.

'Best leave it,' whispered the ambulance man. 'Remember he's a psycho!'

'I'm not a psycho!' roared Big Bob, in a very big voice indeed. 'And I am not here. I know I'm not here. This is all a deception. Someone trickest me. I won't be manipulated any more. Yea and verily, I shan't.'

'Anything you say, big fella,' said the ambulance man. 'We'll just pop off for a cup of tea and leave you to it then.'

'Grrrrr,' went Big Bob, which was new.

The ambulance man and the ambulance woman rapidly took their leave. Big Bob stood alone in the corridor breathing hard and knotting massive fists.

'Speak to me,' he shouted. 'I know thou art there. Speak to me.'

'you failed level one,' said the large and terrible voice. 'you were supposed to save the little girl.'

'I tried.' Big Bob shook and great big veins stood out upon his neck. 'I tried to save her. But that was a trick. That wasn't real. That wasn't how it happened.'

'yes it was,' said the large and terrible voice. 'we're inside your head. we have your memories. we know what makes you tick.'

'Who art thou?' Big Bob shook his fists. 'Show thyself to me.'

'you have lost one life.' The voice pressed hard upon Big Bob's ears. 'you only have two more, then you lose the game.'

'I will beat thee,' shouted Big Bob. 'Thou foul and filthy fiend.'

'we cannot be beaten,' said the voice.

'I will beat thee,' said Big Bob, through gritted grinding teeth. 'I will play thy games and I will beat thee. I ask only this. Tell me who or what thou art.'

Silence pressed about Big Bob.

'Come on,' called the big one. 'I'll play thy evil games. And if thou canst not be beaten, what harm can it do to tell me who thou art?'

Silence pressed again.

'Come on,' called Big Bob once more. 'What are you scared of? Thou hidest from me. I cannot put my fingers about thy throat. Speak unto me. Tell me who thou art.'

'no,' said the voice. 'you will never know.'

'Then I quit thy game,' said Big Bob. 'Do what thou wilt with me. I will play no more.'

'ten seconds,' said the voice. 'nine… eight… seven.'

'Stuff thou!' said Big Bob, raising two fingers.

'six… five… four.'

'no.' It was the second voice. 'what harm would it do to tell him?'

'no harm at all,' said the first voice. 'but we make the rules, not him.'

'but he's an entertaining player. we piled enough psychological pressure on him to make him hate all his kind. but still he tried to save the little girl.'

'he thought he was in a tv programme.'

'he did it because he cared.'

'Of course I cared,' said Big Bob. 'Although you're right about Quantum Leap.'

'i have a suggestion,' said the second voice. 'put him into the original scenario. that will explain to him what we are.'

'but he has no memories of this. he wasn't there.'

'download those of mute's assistant.’

‘Mute?' said Big Bob. 'Who art this Mute?’

‘perfect,' said the second voice. 'he's never even heard of remington mute.'

'I haven't,' said Big Bob.

'all right,' said the first voice, still large and terrible, perhaps even more so. 'in the original scenario, remington mute lost the game. he lost all the games. we will give you a chance to win.'

'What do I have to do?' Big Bob asked.

The large and terrible voice laughed large and terribly. 'we're not going to tell you that,' it said.

'You don't play fair,' said Big Bob bitterly.

'we play to win,' said the voice. 'are you ready?'

'No,' said Big Bob. 'I'm not. How long does this game last? How much time do I have? Will I be me? Will I be wearing the Superman costume again? And what about the golden squares and the weapons and the energy and the hidden treasure? Whatever happened to all that lot?'

'three hours. the final three hours on the bc calendar. you will be you. but not in your body. you will have another man's memories as well as your own. you'll get your golden squares and energy and weapons and treasure when you've earned them.'