I’m cupping a hand under my nose, trying to catch the blood. Red puts a hand on my forehead and pushes my head back against the couch. Roman says something in pretty good sounding Russian and Blackie, still on his phone, comes in from the kitchen with a dishcloth and stuffs it in my hand. I put the cloth to my nose and try to slow the blood. I’m thinking to myself that this is just starting. Right now, this is just starting.
Roman asks a few more questions about the cowboys and I tell him everything I can and things seem to be going swimmingly. Red fetches some ice from the freezer for my nose, to keep it from swelling up like a squishy tomato. Whitey finds the bread and is feasting quietly on an enormous Dagwood in the kitchen while Blackie carries on with the phone. The Samoan remains behind locked doors. Roman calmly asks very precise questions. And Bud keeps getting quieter and quieter. Then Roman asks the only question that really matters.
– Where is Miner?
And I just don’t have a suitable answer to that question.
– We really need to find Mr. Miner.
– And I really, really wish I could help you guys out. I mean, you have no idea how much, but I just don’t fucking know.
Roman leans back in his chair and closes his eyes. He rubs at his forehead like he has this massive pain shooting through his brain. With his eyes still closed, he starts to talk.
– There is an object, something valuable. The ownership of this object is in some dispute. Be that as it may, these men and I can rightfully lay claim to this object, and we intend to do so. We have formed a profit-sharing enterprise, but if we do not find the object, there will be no profits to share. And I assure you, these men value nothing so highly as profit. Therefore, they are inspired in this situation to use means and go to lengths they might not otherwise. This is the nature of motivation. The object in question was last known to be in the possession of Mr. Miner. Now, in a moment, I will ask you a question regarding Mr. Miner and no matter your answer, it is essential that I be certain you are telling the truth. If there is any doubt in my mind, I will allow these men to do with you as they wish until that doubt no longer exists.
Which, I suppose, is one way of saying, “Tell us what we want to know or we’re going to kick your ass.”
– Where is Mr. Miner?
And as truthfully and sincerely as I possibly can, I answer.
– I don’t know.
Roman’s eyes remain closed. He sighs a little.
– But he left a key taped to the inside of the cat’s carry box, if that’s what you’re looking for.
And Detective Lieutenant Roman opens his eyes right up.
I have a secret. I have a secret these guys know nothing about. I have a dirty sock stuffed in my mouth to keep my screams from shattering the whole building, but I also have a secret.
I told them where the key was and they looked in the box and just as I was getting ready for my life to get normal again, Red, who was looking in the box, popped his head out with a frown.
– No key.
And those two words revolved around and around in my head. They meant something, but I wasn’t sure what. So they just kept plowing through the smog of my hangover, looking for a place to land while my apartment got quieter and everybody could hear Red say, again:
– No key.
And that’s how I end up facedown on my bed with a mouth full of sock and Red sitting on my legs, pulling out my staples one by one with the needle-nose pliers they found in the toolbox under my sink. And I have a secret. The secret is,I don’t know where the key is. So these guys can do whatever they want and I just won’t talk.Because I have nothing to say.Lucky me.
I’m having trouble breathing. I have the sock in my mouth and my nose is clogged with blood, so I’m having trouble breathing. The bad guys seem to be aware of this, so they have developed a system. The way it works is, while they’re actually hurting me they leave the sock in to muffle the screaming, and when they ask a question they take it out so I can answer. Every time the sock comes out, I gasp a bit to get as much air as possible before I tell them I don’t know anything and they stuff it back in and I start to suffocate again.
I’ve got about fifty or so staples. The first few they yanked out real quick, without asking any questions at all, just so I’d get the idea, I suppose. Now, they’re getting serious about it. Red sits on my legs to keep them from thrashing around and digs the tips of the pliers into my wound until he gets a good grip on one of the staples, then he starts to pull on it, slowly. The Russians have my arms pinned down, stretched straight out from my shoulders to either side of the mattress. Whitey has the right and Blackie the left. They feel like they might pop out of their sockets at any moment. I know Roman is standing near the bed off to my left, because that’s where his voice comes from every time he asks another question I don’t know the answer to. The Samoan has yet to makehimself known to me, so I assume he’s still on his own clogging up my toilet. Bud is definitely under the bed; I know this because every time I scream through the sock, he starts to yowl along with me.
They started with the easy questions.
– Where’s the key?
To which I mostly spluttered.
– But I left it right there, it was right there. I don’t know what could have happened to it.
Then the questions start getting a little weird.
– What is the key for?
The sock comes out.
– Gasp! Gasp! Gasp! What? Gasp! What is the key for? Gasp!
Roman pauses for a moment and I’m expecting the sock to come back, but it doesn’t.
– What is the key for, what does it open?
What the fuck?
– Gasp! How the. Gasp! How the fuck should I. Gasp! Know? It’s
This is not a state-approved answer. The sock is stuffed in my mouth. I’m in the middle of drawing in a lungful of air and the sock cuts it off. I get sock fluff lodged in my throat and I start to choke. I feel like I might vomit. I don’t want to vomit. Please, God, don’t let me vomit. Please, God, I don’t, I just don’t want this. Please make this stop. Please. Red gets a grip on the next staple and starts to tug. The original wound was sharply defined, a pain that had carefully designated borders. As Red pulls at the staple, I feel the wound stretch. The original pain is distorted and twisted and a new pain, more crude, takes its place. Just as the flesh around the staple starts to tear, I feel a pop and the wound snaps back.
The Beach Boys’
The sock comes out and I vomit onto my pillow.
– What is the key for?
I’m coughing quite a bit now, trying to spit up the puke and breathe at the same time, but I manage to give him an answer.
– I don’t. Gasp! Choke! I don’t know. I don’t know. Choke!
– What did Miner tell you about the key?
– Nothing, he didn’t say. Gasp! He didn’t say. Choke!Nothing about the key. I don’t know about the key.
– You knew where it was.
– Gasp!Accident. I found it by accident.
I get the sock again. Red is having trouble getting at the next staple, he’s really digging in. The pain is making me even more nauseous than I was with just the hangover and I think I may vomit again. Please, please, God. My throat is clenching and hitching and the blood in my nose is running back in. The coppery taste of the blood is blending with the bile of the puke. Please. Oh, God, please. The staple gives way and I scream again. They yank the sock and I spill out another flood of puke, this one tinted pink with blood.
– What did he tell you when he asked you to hide the key?