She shrugs.
– But, what was the last time someone saw him?
She slaps her forehead.
– Oh, shit. Right. Well, maybe Saturday because Tim always takes Sunday off and Monday was when he was missing, but that’s not what I was gonna. This other guy! I forgot to tell you.
– What other?
– Hang ooooon. OK, this other guy was in there, in the office I guess, this morning, when I went in for my pickup, and I heard him talking to Terry a little, and I think I heard him say Tim’s name, and then he left.
– Who was he?
– Well! At first, I thought the guy was a cop collecting a payoff because he was in a suit, but then when the guy left I heard him say good-bye and he can’t have been a cop, because of he had a Russian accent.
My heart jackhammers. I could say it’s just the speed. But I’d be lying.
I WALK out of the stall. At the sink, I splash water on my face and inhale, sucking it into my nose to ease the chemical burn from the bump I just did. I look in the mirror and there I am: Stetson pulled low, sunglasses still on, skin waxy and drawn under my Mexico tan, jaw muscles flexing as I grind my teeth. I turn off the sink and walk out of the bathroom, water still dripping from my moustache.
Coming out of the tiled calm of the bathroom, I am hit by the ceaseless wave of slots racket. Gding-gding- gding, punctuated by the occasional mechanical cry, “Wheel of Fortune!” or the chang-chang of a nickel machine paying out. My heart leaps arhythmically in my chest, trying to match time with the din. I freeze.
Where am I? I stand in place and turn in a slow circle and look around the Western-themed casino. I see a sign. Sam’s Town Gambling Hall. Oh, right. Sam’s Town. This is the place Sandy wanted to hang while… While? We’re waiting for something. For…
– Where have you been, baby?
Sandy grabs me from behind and wraps her arms around me, I rotate within her grasp, feeling our bodies slide against each other, and put my hands on her hips.
– Got me.
She smiles, puts a finger on the bridge of my sunglasses and pushes them down. She looks at my eyes.
– Oh, baby, you are tweaked aren’t you?
– Got me.
She laughs.
– Well, hand it over, it’s mama’s turn.
I dig in my pocket for the bindle T gave me and pass it to her. She points at the tables.
– T’s right over there.
And she walks toward the bathrooms. I turn and find T at a ten-dollar craps table.
– T, what are we doing here, man?
He tosses a chip onto the table.
– All the hards, heavy on the eight.
I stand next to him at the table, watching the multicolored chips dance across the green felt, shuttled by the croupiers. I put my hand on his sleeve.
– I mean, this is bad, I shouldn’t be out.
The roller tosses the dice. A croupier calls them.
– Seven! Craps!
T’s chips are raked from the table. He looks at me.
– We’re waiting for the call.
– What call?
He shakes his head.
– The call, man. Her boss is gonna call with some more skinny on your boy Tim.
– Right, the call.
Sandy crashes into us, giggling and grabbing at our arms to keep from falling on the floor. We catch her and get her steady on her feet. She gives us both a kiss on the cheek.
– OK, who’s buying the next round?
SANDY’S BOSS still hasn’t called.
We’re in T’s car; the three of us squeezed together, Sandy in the middle, her arms draped across our shoulders. She wants to party some more.
– I got a couple bottles of Veuve at my apartment. I got them, this regu-lar of mine is a liquor salesman and he’s always bringing me stuff, and I have these amazing bottles of champagne. So, so we take the party back to my place and we can smoke some grass, and what I love is to sprinkle a little meth over the weed and base it that way, and we’ll open the bottles and maybe I’ll do a little dance. Put on a little shoooow for you boys for being so niiiice to me.
I lean against the door and look through the window at the bluish tinge lining the edge of the valley. I look at Sandy. Her pale skin is almost glowing it’s so bloodless, her mascara has run, giving her raccoon eyes, and a smear of red lipstick is slashed from the right corner of her mouth. T is leaning forward, bony finger wrapped tight around the wheel, chewing on the butt of a Marlboro, eyes bugging at the road ahead. I shake my head.
– I’m done.
Sandy slaps my thigh.
– Doooone? C’mon, Wade, I’m talking about a party here, special prizes and giveaways and.
– I’m done.
She crawls into my lap.
– Baby, don’t be a party pooper.
I am not a pooper. I mean, I don’t even know what I’m doing here. There’s a Russian looking for Tim. What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck am I doing? I need some sleep. I need to get this shit cleaned out of my system and get some sleep and.
Sandy is nuzzling my neck.
– C’mon over and just hang out. You can lie down if you want and then you can join the party later. C’mon. My guy’ll call soon and.
I push her off.
– No. T, we got to go home.
He keeps his eyes locked on the road.
– Fuck, man, I ain’t got to do nothin’. You want to go home, cool, but I’m gonna party with Sandy.
Sandy screams and turns around and grabs T, making the car swerve.
– See, Wade, T knows how to make a girl happy.
T UNLOCKS the trailer door.
– I’ll be back in a few hours.
He hands me the key and jerks his thumb toward the car, where Sandy is waiting.
– Sure you don’t want in?
I shake my head.
– No. I need to sleep.
– OK. Percs are in the medicine cabinet, that’ll put you down.
– No, I’m too fucked-up, doing stupid shit.
– What’re you supposed to be doing, man? We’ll talk to Sandy’s dealer later, see if he knows anything. Other than that? Pain sucks, so kill it.
He’s right, pain does suck. I have been killing it and I like killing it. It’s so easy. I worked so hard for so many years to control myself, to keep everything in balance, but it’s so much easier to just take a pill. Easier and better. But I’m starting to fuck up. And I can’t do that.
– Call me when you hear from her boss.
He shakes his head.
