Tracy flinched as a surge of jealousy hit her hard. Her hands were tensed into claws. “I don’t really want to know this.”
Nathan ignored her, continuing as if she hadn’t spoken. “She is white and beautiful, but that is her only similarity to you. She was soft, giving, ultrafeminine whereas you…”
“Are you saying I’m too butch?”
He frowned. “I don’t know what that means. I think you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. Smart, determined, and with a great capacity to love. You have built a home for you and your brother. I admire that.”
She threw up her hands to cover the embarrassment she felt. She was proud of her accomplishments, but to hear him say it like that…Well, it thrilled her down to her toes. “So I’m awesome. Let’s forget this tigress stuff and keep going—”
“You’re killing me, Tracy.”
She blinked, unsure how to react to that. He appeared serious, but…“You mean that figuratively, right?”
He shrugged. “I was kicked out of the temple because I loved her to the exclusion of all else.”
She swallowed, not wanting to think about this other student, but unable to stop herself. “Did you do…” She gestured to the floor. “Did you do that with her, too?”
His shoulders tightened. “Yes. Whenever she allowed me.”
“Well, then,” she said, disappointment curling in her stomach. “So I’m not special.”
He shrugged, his hands lifted in a gesture of helplessness. “You are special. She was special. And I love you completely.”
Somehow the words didn’t quite thrill her as she’d once thought they would. “You loved them all, didn’t you? All your students.” She was beginning to understand why he held himself apart from her. “You’re trying not to repeat past mistakes. And, to you, I’m just like all of them.”
Chapter 15
NATHAN WATCHED THE COLOR drain from Tracy’s face. He knew he had just hurt her badly. Just as he knew that he was lying through his teeth. Tracy not special? That was like saying a tsunami was just another storm. Sure there were similarities, but what he had felt for all those other women, all those other tigresses, was nothing compared to what he felt for her now.
Which was why he had to lie to her. She was the same as them in one key respect: she was a tigress. Whether she understood it or not, she was one of the best. She could be a goddess among men. Perhaps he could convince her not to pursue a life at the temple. She was, after all, fully American, fully embedded in U.S. culture. She didn’t want to live in a foreign country away from everything she loved.
But she had gone to heaven; she had touched the divine. He had felt her disappointment a moment ago. He’d recognized the sigh that had come just after, the frustration that this orgasm hadn’t led to more. Though she had tried to hide it, he had watched for it. He knew she longed for heaven. Her body craved it, and that he would not be able to give it to her. He was not a dragon practitioner anymore. He had given up that life, but he could not deny it to her.
“Perhaps I should make some tea,” he said. “Then we can talk.”
“You and your tea,” she groused, but then relented. “Fine. I’ll go get dressed.”
“Or perhaps you would prefer a bath?” She did not really seem in the mood to hear what he had to say. “I could bring the tea to you there.”
“Or perhaps an omelet?” she asked drily. “And some pancakes while you’re at it. How ’bout a whole freaking ten-course meal?” She glared at him but he saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes. “You are the most confusing man I’ve ever met!” Then she grabbed her clothing and stomped up the stairs.
He watched her go, his eyes lingering on the curve of her bottom, the power in her legs, even the sway of her hips. Yes, bringing out her tigress had strengthened the natural sensuousness of her movements, but he had noticed her even before that evening in his apartment. He had seen the clarity in her eyes, and the simple honesty in her every movement. He never had to guess what she was thinking or what she wanted. Tracy was a woman who decided on her course and did not hesitate. Those traits would serve her well at the temple.
Nathan sighed and pulled on his pants. The power he had drawn from her energized his movements. He had given as much as he had received, and yet the combination somehow left him stronger, better, more balanced. That was how it should be between a man and a woman. As each poured power into the other, they should grow stronger—together.
That was what he thought, but the idea was anathema at the temple. Attachments between people only increased the ties to earthly life. And ties to earth did not help one attain the divine. So his mother said, and so all at the temple believed.
He crossed into the kitchen and began a search for the basics. Tracy joined him a few minutes later. He felt her watching him as he stood at the stove. He was so attuned to her energies that he would know where she was all over the world. Such was the power of this tigress over him.
“You know, for a man who wants to dump me, you’re doing everything wrong.”
He smiled as he scooped out the omelet and set it on a plate. “I served as cook to the temple for a short time. Then one day, my sister said my dumplings tasted like pig shit. She’s been cook ever since.”
Tracy looked at the simple food and smiled, her face lighting under the cover of another of her baseball caps. “I’ll try to remember that if you ever make me dumplings. As for this…It smells great.” She carried it to the table while he began making his own. But then the teakettle whistled. He started to reach for it, but she was there before him, pouring the hot water into mugs. He said nothing as she worked—there was no reason to—and yet his heart clenched nonetheless. She thought nothing of helping him, of pouring her own tea, of waiting to eat until he could join her. He knew of none at the temple who would do such a thing.
“Bon appétit,” she quipped when he finally joined her at the table. He smiled, but didn’t eat. Instead, he watched her face as she closed her eyes and chewed with appreciation. “Mmm. Definitely better than pig shit,” she said. Then she blushed. “Sorry. That was probably inappropriate.”
“It was wonderful,” he said, unable to express how her lack of artifice entranced him. Then he took a closer look at her scrubbed face, completely free of makeup. He saw her sexless sweatshirt and baggy pants. “It won’t work, you know.” She glanced up, startled as he gestured to her hideous clothing. “Dressing so badly. You are a tigress inside. Your sexuality will attract men even if you wear garbage bags. And you will feel the song of desire no matter how tightly you restrain your actions.”
She looked at him with a solemn expression. “Then it’s a good thing I dress to suit myself.” She waved at her clothing. “It’s comfortable.”
“Then it’s a good choice,” he answered.
He took a bite of his food, tasting nothing. What would he give up to cook breakfast for her every morning just like this? To hear what she really thought, to feel her appreciation in every bite? How glorious to simply live with her as a man lived with a woman—no games, no ulterior motives, just life without the eternal quest for something beyond?
“Nathan—”
He would give everything he had. But it wasn’t his future at stake. It was hers.
“Nathan, you’re staring.”
“Your brother plays American football, right?”
She blinked. “Um. Yeah, but Nathan—”
“Just answer my questions for a moment, please.” He glanced at the team photo on the refrigerator door. “Is he is good at it?”
She smiled. “Yes, he is.”
Not surprising. Joey had the build of a football player. “What if you knew he was the best of his age? Possibly—with training—to be the greatest NFL player of all time.”
She snorted. “Joey? He’s good, but not that good. With luck, he’ll get a scholarship to a division-two school. But—”
“Imagine he was that good, and you knew it, but he didn’t. Imagine that you saw a great pro career in front
