They cowered back, filled with fear, until someone raised a copy of The Princess's Diary.
'Yes! Yes, we are! Hermalaya loved us! We want her back!'
That broke the logjam.
'Yes! Yes!'' they began to chant. 'Bring hack our princess. Down with Matfany! Down with Matfany!' My worst nightmare loomed as the crowd started to surge toward us
Suddenly, the Salamanders began to fall off the sign above our heads.
The bright orange lizards landed on the rioting Swamp Foxes, who howled and leaped around, bellowing with pain. The Salamanders, trying to scramble to safety, accidentally set fur and signs on fire. The protesters forgot all about us in their rush to put out the blazes. I pulled back into an overhang out of the rain of fire. Pervects have tough skin, but fire is one thing that can destroy us. My companions crowded in after me. Outside, the Deveels ran in circles, howling about their precious advertising. For the moment, no one was thinking about us.
'That saved our bacon.' I said. 'I gotta hand it to Skeeve for timing.'
'Skeeve's not doing that,' Tananda said. 'He would never hurt Salamanders.'
'Then who?' Guido asked. 'Show me the magicians causing the cascade. If they are not in a concealed place, I am sure I can pick them off from here.'
She looked up at the sky. I knew she was reading force lines. Since I had lost my powers I could no longer see them. 'No one is pulling magik out of there. This is a natural phenomenon of some kind.'
We heard a gentle cough behind us to attract our attention.
'It's the Old Folks,' Matfany said, squeezed into the rear of the niche. 'I told you they don't like people messing up their mountains and things.'
The force of Salamanders gathered up their injured members and assembled in a group at the base of the Geek's sign.
'That's it!' Pintubo squeaked indignantly at me. 'We quit! This dimension is too dangerous for us to work! We are out of here! You'll be hearing from our legal representative! He'll burn you up!' They flashed out of existence.
'Hey, Aahz, I warned you!' Gribaldi said, coming over to shake his fist at me. 'We've had enough. You had better give us our money back.'
'No!' I exclaimed. 'Put up something else, anything! Your choice. I always thought Salamanders were a bad idea. How about Shutterbug photos? You could have your picture up here, too.'
'No more,' Matfany said. He poked a fingernail at the Deveel's collarbone. 'We are not having Deveels leering down at us from up here. You can put your names up in a more genteel fashion. Some of my folks have been out of work for a while. They'd be pleased to have the jobs. I don't want to have to make it a law to use local labor, but I will if I have to.'
The assembled Swamp Foxes were outraged. 'We won't work for them. And we don't want you! We want our princess back!'
They started to chant again.
'Bring back our princess! Bring back our princess!'
Something whizzed past me and impacted on the stone face at my side. It was a rock. They had run out of vegetables, but they weren't out of missiles.
'We'd better beat a retreat,' I said. I reached into my pocket for my D-hopper.
An unlucky stone smashed into my wrist. It caught the tip of the magical device and sent it spiraling out of my reach. I dashed out and made a flying leap to catch it.
Guido jumped out after me, brandishing his crossbow in an attempt to cover me, but you might as well have held up an umbrella under a waterfall. The Swamp Foxes piled onto us. I got a foot in the eye and grabbed for the nearest tail. I closed my teeth on it.
'Yow!' the owner bellowed. He must have retaliated against whoever was near his mouth, because another cry erupted from the pile of beings on my back. In a moment, it turned into a writhing, scratching, punching mass. I got off a few more punches and bites as I scrabbled on my hands and knees toward daylight. A Swamp Fox, also on all fours, met me face-to-face and bared his teeth. I snarled back. He recoiled slightly, but a dozen others shouldered up beside him. I faced a ring of glowing, yellow eyes. Well, if I couldn't ignore a fight, the best thing I could do was win it. I bunched up my thigh muscles and jumped backward, out of their way. The only real way to win a fight is not to get in it.
The Swamp Foxes were stunned for a moment, then came after me, barking and howling. I dashed around the rock Matfany was still standing on, trying to find my D-hopper or a way down off the mountain. I dodged my pursuers three times. Then they got smart and split up. I found myself with my back to the giant rock, facing dozens of sets of teeth. Above my head, Tananda had been treed by another crowd of Swamp Foxes. Guido wrestled with one of the largest specimens I had ever seen, the two of them straining to toss the other one over.
'Stop this!' Matfany bellowed over all the noise. 'Stop all this at once!'
The gang facing me straightened up like chastised schoolboys and looked up at him. The prime minister stood on top of his rock with his fists on his hips. He glared at them over his glasses.
'Ladies and gentlemen—I hope that you all are ladies and gentlemen! How dare you show such disrespect to these people who are our guests and visitors? You were all brought up with much better manners than that! You are Swamp Foxes! Honest, courteous, sensible people. Now, I am sure that you would like to apologize to our guests. Go on! Apologize! Right this very minute!'
The leader of the pack put out a paw.
'I certainly am sorry, sir. I hope you didn't take offense from us?'
'Not at all,' I said, clasping the hand and letting it go hastily. 'No problem.'
All around me, the locals, some of them with torn or burned fur and blackened eyes were offering their heartfelt regrets to the Deveels and other merchants. I had to hand it to Matfany. I had never met anyone else who had such natural authority that he could call a mob to order with one bellow.
'That's better,' Matfany said. He bounded lightly down from the boulder. 'Thai's more of the civilized people that I have always known you to be. Now, may I wish you a sincere good night. Come along, Mister Aahz.'
He started walking down the hill. He was so smooth that it even took ME a moment to realize he was talking to me. I hurried after him. The mob parted to let him go by. I stepped over a sign. Guido shook hands with his wrestling partner and followed. Tananda caught up with me and tilted an incredulous glance over her shoulder at the immobile gang of protesters. I stumped beside Matfany.
'That was incredible,' I whispered to him.
'Ten years of teaching high-school history, sir,' Matfany confided.
'How long's the lull going to hold?'
'About five more seconds. I suggest we start running, as of now ... three, two, one ...'
'Kill him! He exiled our princess!'
'Kill him!'
'Retreat is in order, gentlemen and madame,' Matfany said. He took to his heels. Tananda dashed after him. Guido and I looked at each other and headed off in their wake.
The mob tore after us.
We made it back to town fifteen times faster than we had left it. The soles of my feet were bruised and torn from running over rocks, and I had enough stitches in my side to make a quilt, but we didn't have a choice. The mob was only yards behind us. Matfany turned as we crossed the main square and headed up the road leading to the castle.
'Bar the doors!' I bellowed, as we passed the guards.
They sprang to grab hold of the enormous portals, but they were too late. The throng of angry Swamp Foxes burst in behind us, flinging the gates open until they smacked against the inner walls. Adrenaline gave me a
