My partner in this. The other Exordium expert.
Note349
No…
Note350
That isn’t possible. I was with him not twenty minutes ago. We were in the machinery, readying it for the transition. Jastrusiak stayed there to make last-minute adjustments. I swear this!
Note351
I don’t…
Note352
Yes, Skade.
Note353
We’re ready, Skade. We can try the experiment again.
Note354
Skade.
Note355
Yes. It’s me. I’m trapped, Skade. Trapped inside part of the bubble.
Note356
It fragmented as it passed through the ship. It glued itself to me, almost deliberately. Almost as if it was looking for someone to surround, someone to embed within itself.
Note357
It must be state one, Skade… I don’t feel any different. Just trapped… and distant . I feel very, very distant.
Note358
Help me, Skade. I can’t breathe.
Note359
Help me. Please…
Note360
Then we won’t talk, will we?
Note361
It’s all right, Clavain. Just because I didn’t do this very often doesn’t mean I couldn’t…
Note362
You’re right. Normally I didn’t want to. But you aren’t just anyone.
Note363
Clavain: a word of warning. You can look all the way into my head. There are no barriers, no partitions, no mnemonic blockades. Not to you, at least. But don’t look too deeply. It’s not that you’d see anything private, or anything I’m ashamed of… it’s just…
Note364
Sometimes I can’t take it, Clavain, and I’ve lived with it since I was born.
Note365
You see what I mean?
Note366
It isn’t your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault, not even Galiana’s. It’s just the way lam.
Note367
Even if they can’t change me — and I’m not even sure I want them to change me — they might at least give me something to think about, Clavain. So many alien minds have been imprinted in their seas, so many patterns stored. I might even be able to make sense of something that the other swimmers haven’t. I might even be valuable.
Note368
Of course.
Note369
I lied, Clavain. I lied to save you, to get you to turn around.
Note370
It was still a lie. But I didn’t want Skade to kill you. It seemed better not to tell the truth…
Note371
It was natural for you to wonder, Clavain. There was always a bond between us, after you saved my life. And you were Galiana’s prisoner before I was born. It would have been easy for her to harvest genetic material…
Note372
Clavain… do you mind if I ask you something?
Note373
Did you make love with Galiana, when you were her prisoner?
Note374
Yes?
Note375
I think I need to tell you about the wolves.
Note376
Everything, Clavain. At least, everything that I learned. Everything that the Wolf was prepared to let me know.
Note377
I know. But I still think I should tell you.
Note378
There’s no rest for the wicked, is there, Ilia?
Note379
Then that’s all this is? A social call?
Note380
I thought it might be. You only ever come when you want something, don’t you?
Note381
What, the enforced paralysis and the sense of creeping terror? You mean you don’t like that?
Note382
Perhaps.
Note383
I’m not going anywhere. You’re not either.
Note384
How could I not know about it?
Note385
Yes?
Note386
Ignore the code?
Note387
Unreasonable, Ilia?
