Give Me Tonight

5

'ADELINE, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD DADDY'S takin' this. You said hardly a word to him yesterday, or the day before. Why don't you talk to him? You don't know how much you're hurtin' him.'

She looked at Cade mutinously while the two of them walked by the smokehouse and kicked at chips of wood. 'You don't know how much he hurt me, Cade. What would you do if he ordered you not to see any of your friends? What about that little brown haired girl you like to call on, Jeannie something-orother-'

'Janie.'

'Yes, her. What if he told you not to visit her anymore?'

Cade was forever a diplomat. 'I guess I'd agree, 'f I believed in his reasons.'

'Hal You wouldn't either. You'd want to see her, and you'd be mad at Daddy for acting so highhanded.'

He grinned. 'Yeah, but I couldn't stay mad as long as you. You and Daddy, you're ones for holdin' grudges. Me?… I don't see the sense in bein'mad about somethin' you can't change.'

“There isn't any sense in it,' Addie agreed grimly.

'But I've never pretended to be as nice as you, Cade, and I can't help being mad.'

Since her falling-out with Russell, she'd kept out of his way, finding an unexpected hardness in herself every time she thought about forgiving him. Until now he'd let her do and say almost anything she wanted. But for him to turn around and curtail that freedom, treating her like an object to be put back in its place, had been too unexpected. You couldn't allow someone free rein and then pull it in too suddenly, too tightly.

Like any daughter on bad terms with one parent, she sought out the affection and support of the other. May wisely refrained from criticizing either Addie or Russell, or taking one side against the other. Instead she offered sympathy to both of them privately, knowing that each was too hardheaded to be induced to see the other's viewpoint. Addie and Russell were barely on speaking terms.

Though her problem with Russell disturbed her a great deal, Addie didn't talk much about it, especially not to Ben. She felt acutely embarrassed whenever she looked at him and remembered how she had sobbed in his arms. What did he think of her now? Ben didn't mention the episode. His tenderness of that night had disappeared, and he was his usual mocking self toward her. But sometimes he looked at her as if he were silently laughing at her newfound shyness, and all it took was that one look to set her teeth on edge. Then she would wait for a jeer that never came… ah, how detestable he was!

She sought consolation for her bruised ego in May's company. May was always calm and gentle. There was quiet grace in everything she did, a grace that was not learned but came from an inner source. Caroline was like that too. They were the kind of women who would never allow the world to change them. Addie knew herself to be a complete contrast to them. She was always struggling and changing, always wanting things and being resentful when she couldn't get them. She understood what Russell had been trying to tell her before. None of the family would be able to survive Russell's murder, she thought moodily. No wonder it went to pieces after he was gone. They'll all do well enough if everything's secure and organized and comfortable for them. But when disaster happens, they need someone else to do the struggling for them. It's good to be gentle and nice, but there are times when you just can't be, or the world will walk right over you.

A week after Addie had been forbidden to see Jeff, the family prepared to travel nearly fifty miles to attend the wedding of Jeff's younger brother Harlan to Ruth Fanin, the daughter of a wealthy rancher. Sunrise and the Double Bar tacitly agreed to put aside their differences for a few days. They all loved a wedding. It gave them a chance to see old acquaintances, trade stories, drink freely, and dance until the soles of their feet were bruised. The cowboys from different ranches ate meals together, talked about wages and work, enjoyed the free liquor and took as much advantage as possible of the host's hospitality. And every rancher in Texas liked to show off what he considered to be his own legendary hospitality.

The women at these affairs were always outnumbered by men, which meant the favor and attention of every available female was constantly sought after. Addie was apprehensive about attending the wedding. What would she do when people she didn't know expected her to recognize them? But at the same time, she was excited. She hadn't been dancing in a long time. She wanted to listen to music and be among crowds of festive people.

The day before they were to leave, May came upstairs to help Addie pack, finding her in the middle of a heap of dresses. Addie had been trying on dresses for an hour, none of which she wanted to wear, and she had the urge to take a match to her entire wardrobe.

'I'd cry,' Addie said in frustration, 'if it would help anything.'

May's face softened with concern. 'Sugar, your face is all red. What's got you so upset?'

'These.' With a sweep of her hand, Addie indicated the pile of clothes around her. 'I'm trying to find something to wear for the dance after the wedding, but I don't have anything to wear that's not pink. I hate it. It's practically all I wear from morning till night, and I'm sick of it. '

'I tried to talk you into some different colors when we were having them made. But you insisted on it. Remember how stubborn you were?'

'I must have been dead from the neck up,' Addie said feelingly. 'Can you tell me why I decided on all pink?'

'I believe Jeff said it was his favorite color on you,' May replied placidly.

'That's just wonderful. Now I can't even see him anymore, and I'm stuck with a closet full of pink dresses. '

May couldn't hold back a smile, though she tried. 'Adeline, it is a pretty color on you-'

'No, don't even try,' Addie said, beginning to smile reluctantly despite her exasperation. 'I'm inconsolable.'

May clucked her tongue sympathetically and busied herself around the room, picking up dresses and piling them on the bed. 'We'll fix everything, sugar. Just give me a minute to think. '

Addie felt her temper subsiding as she and May worked to put things back in order. There was something almost magical about May's effect on her, something soothing and wonderful about the scent of vanilla, the gleam of her tidy blond hair, the graceful efficiency of her slim white hands. It was May's self appointed role to comfort and soothe, arrange and organize, to keep the house and all its occupants in perfect harmony. Addie knew she wasn't as forbearing as May, and she wasn't certain she wanted to be. But she appreciated that quality in May just the same.

'Let's see if we can find something for you in my closet.'

'Are you sure?' Addie looked at her in surprise.

'Well, we're pretty much the same size. But your waist is smaller.'

'I've noticed you haven't been lacing as tightly as you used to. I've been meanin' to speak to you about that, Adeline.'

Addie frowned. She'd always had a figure. But that had been in a time when young women didn't use corsets. In I930, an old woman would wear whalebone coutils, a middle-aged woman wore the lighter version, called a corselette, and someone Addie's age would wear only a brassiere and a lightweight foundation garment. Now she was being measured by different standards, and in I880 a twenty-four-inch waist was decidedly large. Every woman, young and old, wore strong whalebone corsets fortified with flat lead weights and laced as tightly as they could bear.

'I can't breathe when it's tighter than this.'

'Of course you can,' May said. 'You have in the past.'

'I've changed, Mama. Really, I have.'

'It might be uncomfortable at times, but it's just not elegant to let your waist get that big, sugar. And besides, it's not good for your back to go without support. '

'I’ll try to lace tighter,' Addie muttered, knowing she'd faint if she did.

May beamed at her. 'That's my good girl. I just want you to be the prettiest girl at the dance. And you will be. I'm going to give you that blue-green dress I've never even worn.'