'I guess you could say we were friends. But neither of us wanted anything more than that. I didn't want to know what was in her heart, and she felt the same about me.' He was silent then, allowing her to think over what he'd said, and he resisted the urge to pull her closer.
'How cold.' Her expression was a cross between distaste and confusion.
'In some ways it was.'
'In what ways?' she asked, increasingly nettled.
'After the time in bed was spent, there was always silence between us. There was nothing to talk about, nothing to share. The satisfaction from our encounters was shallow. It didn't linger. '
'Shallow or not, she obviously had something that made you come back for more. You went to her more than one time, didn't you?'
Ben paused and considered what lay at the heart of Addie's questioning. Perhaps it was uncertainty that had flared up in the form of a waspish temper. Was she afraid he would make comparisons between her and the women he'd had before her?
'Why aren't you saying anything?' Addie demanded peevishly. 'Too busy counting?'
For a brief moment Ben wavered between sympathy and a strange kind of resentment. He was no knight in shining armor, nor could he ever be. He heard the disillusionment in her voice as she began to realize it. But she had to accept him for all that he was, including the imperfections.
'I've never pretended to have led a perfect life, Addie. I'm a man with all the needs any other man has. I've done my share of living, and that includes having been with a certain number of women. '
'How many? Am I the third or fourth? The twentieth? The fiftieth?'
'I don't carve notches on my belt. I've never taken a woman for the sake of adding to the number that have passed beneath me. Only when I needed to be with someone. Sometimes I knew the women, sometimes I didn't. It never made a difference. But you're the only one I've ever been in love with.'
She was silent for a long time, and he couldn't begin to guess at her thoughts. Finally she spoke in a small voice, all trace of combativeness gone.
'Do you ever think about any of them?'
'No. The truth is I don't remember much about the time I spent with them.'
She frowned as she traced the line of his collarbone. 'If you never saw me again after tonight, how much of this would you remember?'
'Every detail,' he said gravely. 'Every second. Everything you said, every touch and sound, until my dying day.'
Addie flushed and laid her cheek against his chest. 'Ben, do you mind that I don't have experience? I didn't know what you wanted from-'
He rolled her onto her back and silenced her with a long kiss. When he lifted his head, his voice was ragged at the edges. 'What happened between us a few minutes ago makes everything I've felt before pale in comparison.' He paused, entranced by the sheepish smile that had begun to curve her lips. 'As a mere novice, you nearly did me in. I don't know how I'll survive when you have a little more experience.'
'You'll just have to grin and bear it,' she said, and he chuckled as he lowered his mouth to hers again.
The hours raced by, slipping away until Addie began to dread the moment when Ben would leave her. All they had were precious minutes, mere parings and shavings of time, when they craved so much more. They talked drowsily and drifted in and out of slumber, and always when Addie awoke, she rediscovered the bliss of being nestled against his body, his arms securely around her. There were moments in which she felt as if he could see through to her soul. Whether they were locked together in frantic desire or peaceful exhaustion, the sense of oneness remained the same.
'I'll have to go soon,' he said as early morning ripened, and she stirred in protest, wrapping her arms around him.
'Don't go. I won't let you.'
'I could stay until we're discovered by the family,' Ben mused, kissing the top of her head. 'But in the name of fairness, we'll have to find some other way to break it to them.'
If he had intended to jolt her awake, he had chosen his words well. The mention of the family was the one thing that could have done it. She stared at him wide eyed. 'Oh, Ben; how are we… what are we-'
'Well, we know one thing for sure. Russ won't mind.'
'Well, of course he won't! But Mama will die.'
'The effect on her won't be quite that drastic.'
'Oh, yes it will. It's going to be a terrible shock for her. You don't know her like I do. She talked to me about what she wanted for me and Caro, and about her marriage to Daddy, and she was so bitter about everything, you just wouldn't believe… Ben, if we want her on our side, we've got to ease her into it or she'll just throw a fit and
'Shhh. I understand that.'
'Good. I'm glad-'
'Wait. I said understand, not agree.'
'What don't you agree with?'
'I want to know what you mean by easing her into it.'
'I think we should get her used to the idea first instead of forcing it down her throat.'
'If she were as frail as you seem to believe, she'd never have survived thirty years of marriage to Russ. And as I told you before, I'm through with games.'
'Ben, please. It'll be so much easier on me this way. I'm already dreading the arguments and the tears. And she's not going to fuss at you, only me.' She hesitated before adding, 'I need the time as much as she does. I need to get used to the idea of marrying you. A few weeks of courting wouldn't hurt either of us. '
He scowled impatiently. 'Please,' she said softly.
'If that's what you want, I'll give you time. But I'm going to set two conditions on your little plan. First of all, I'll give you two weeks… that's as long as my patience will hold out. Do whatever you can to prepare your mother and settle everything in your own mind, but in a fortnight we're breaking the news so wedding plans can be made. '
'And the other condition?'
He drew a finger from the base of her throat to the curve of her breast. 'The days are yours. If you want to spend them playing courting charades, so be it. But the nights are mine.'
Her eyes twinkled with mischief. 'Ben, we're not even engaged yet, and you think I'm going to let you-'
'We damn well are engaged. And I expect all the rights any other engaged man has.'
'Haven't you ever heard of waiting until the wedding night?'
His hand moved possessively over her body. 'Tell me you won't deny me your bed until then, Addie. Or I'll have to make you say it.'
The delight of his touch almost caused her to forget what she'd intended to say. But she couldn't let him hand out orders so casually, not if this was to be a partnership.
'Of course I wouldn't deny you,' she said, putting her hand over his and arresting its movement. 'But I have a condition for you.'
His brows lifted in a sardonic quirk. 'Oh?'
'I don't want you to tell Daddy about our engagement.'
'Why not?' he demanded, sounding annoyed.
'Because he can't keep a secret. Oh, I know what you're going to say-when business is involved, he can. But this isn't business, and when a secret has to do with anyone's personal life, it goes in his ear one minute and straight out his mouth the next. And he's not the most tactful man in the world as you well know-'
'All right, all right. I won't tell him. But if I find out you've gone behind my back and told
