“Because we’re conscious the whole time. Zero-tau suspends normal energy wave functions, but our souls are still connected to the beyond somehow, that makes us aware of time passing. But only time, nothing else. It is the ultimate sensory deprivation, actually worse than the beyond. At least in the beyond souls have the memories of other souls to feed on, and some perception of the real universe.”
“That’s why,” Gerald murmured. “I knew Kingsford Garrigan was scared.”
“Some can hold out longer than others, it depends on how strong their personality is. But in the end, everyone retreats from the body they possess.”
“There is hope, then.”
“For Marie, yes. We can save her.”
“So that she can die.”
“Everybody dies, Gerald.”
“And goes on to suffer in the beyond.”
“I’m not sure. If it hadn’t been for you and Marie, I don’t think I would have remained with all the other souls.”
“I don’t understand.”
Loren gave him a hapless smile. “I was worried about the two of you, Gerald, I wanted to make sure you were all right. That’s why I stayed.”
“Yes but . . . where else could you go?”
“I’m not certain that question applies. The beyond is strange, there are no separate places within it, not like this universe.”
“So how could you leave?”
“I wouldn’t leave it . . .” She fluttered her hands in exasperation as she struggled with the concept. “I just wouldn’t be in the same part of it as the rest of them.”
“You said there were no different parts.”
“There aren’t.”
“So how—”
“I don’t pretend to understand, Gerald. But you can leave the others behind. The beyond isn’t necessarily the torment everyone is making it out to be.”
Gerald studied the pale salmon carpet, shamed at being unable to look at his own wife. “And you came back for me.”
“No, Gerald.” Her voice hardened. “We might be husband and wife, but my love isn’t that blind. I came back principally for Marie’s sake. If it had just been you, I don’t think I would have had the courage. I endured the other souls devouring my memories for her sake. Did you know you can see out of the beyond? Just. I watched Marie, and that made the horror tolerable. I hadn’t seen her since that day she walked out on us. I wanted to know she was alive and safe. It wasn’t easy; I almost abandoned my vigil, then she was possessed. So I stayed, waiting for an opportunity to help, for someone close to you to be possessed. And here I am.”
“Yes. Here you are. Who is Pou Mok? I thought the Principality had defeated the possessed, confined them all to Mortonridge.”
“They have, according to the news reports. But the three who arrived here on the
“Was I wrong taking her to Lalonde?” Gerald asked remotely. “I thought I was doing the best possible thing for her, for all of you.”
“You were. Earth’s dying; the arcologies are old, worn out. There’s nothing there for people like us; if we’d stayed, Marie and Paula would have had lives no different from us, or our parents, or any of our ancestors for the last ten generations. You broke the cycle for us, Gerald. We had the chance to take pride in what our grandchildren would become.”
“What grandchildren?” He knew he was going to start crying any minute. “Paula’s dead; Marie hated our home so much she ran away at the first opportunity.”
“Good thing she did, Gerald, wasn’t it? She was always headstrong, and she’s a teenager. Teenagers can never look and plan ahead; having a good time is the only thing they can think of. All she knew was that two months of her life weren’t as comfy as the ones which went before, and she had to do some work for the first time as well. Small surprise she ran away. It was a premature taste of adulthood that scared her off, not us being bad parents.
“You know, I perceived her before she was possessed. She’d found herself a job in Durringham, a good job. She was doing all right for herself, better than she could ever do on Earth. Knowing Marie, she didn’t appreciate it.”
When Gerald found the nerve to glance up, he saw Loren’s expression was a twin to his own. “I didn’t tell you before. But I was so frightened for her when she ran away.”
“I know you were. Fathers always think their daughters can’t take care of themselves.”
“You were worried, too.”
“Yes. Oh, yes. But only that fate would throw something at her she couldn’t survive. Which it has. She would have done all right if this curse hadn’t been unleashed.”
“All right,” he said shakily. “What do we do about it? I just wanted to go to Valisk and help her.”
“That’s my idea, too, Gerald. There’s no big plan, though I do have some of the details sorted out. First thing we need to do is get you on the
“Just me?” he asked in alarm. “Where are you going?”
“To Valisk, eventually. But we can’t travel together, it’s too risky.”
“I can’t go alone. Really, I can’t. I don’t know how to, not anymore. I can’t think right, not now. I want you to come with me, Loren. Please.”
“No, Gerald. You must do this by yourself.”
“It . . . it’s hard. There are other things in my head.”
“We’re the only chance Marie has. Focus on that, Gerald.”
“Yes. Yes, I will.” He gave her a grave smile. “Where is Pinjarra?”
“It’s in the Toowoomba star system, which is Australian-ethnic. The Kingdom is anxious to keep them locked in to its diplomatic strategy. Their asteroid settlements aren’t very well defended, so they’re being offered upgrades on favourable financial terms.”
Gerald fidgeted with his fingers. “But how do I get on board? We’d never make it into the spaceport, never mind a starship. Maybe if we just asked Ombey’s government if we can go to Valisk. They’ll know we’re telling the truth about wanting to help Marie. And that information about zero-tau would be useful. They’d be grateful.”
“Bloody hell.” Loren regarded the pathetically hopeful smile on his face more with astonishment than contempt. He had always been the forceful one, the go-getter. “Oh, Gerald, what have they done to you?”
“Remember.” He hung his head, probing at his temples in a vain attempt to alleviate some of the sparkling pain inside. “They made me remember. I don’t want that. I don’t want to remember, I just want to forget it all.”
She came over and sat beside him, her arm going around his shoulder the way she used to do with her daughters when they were younger. “Once we free Marie, all this will be over. You can think of other things again, new things.”
“Yes.” He nodded vigorously, speaking with the slow surety of the newly converted. “Yes, you’re right. That’s what Dr Dobbs told me, too; I have to formulate relevant goals for my new circumstances, and concentrate on achieving them. I must eject myself from the failings of the past.”
