Nightshifted

I looked at myself in the mirror—my hair was sticking out of my ponytail at improbable angles and I had sallow circles beneath both my eyes. I looked like I’d seen my own ghost, because maybe I had. Somewhere inside of me, a small part of myself had been deflated. And like a helium balloon that’d lost too much air, I couldn’t kick it aloft again.

“They’re wrong, Edie. Whatever the Shadows showed you or told you—they’re not even human besides. They’re liars. They lie. Okay?”

I nodded at myself in the mirror.

“Okay?” Charles asked again from outside.

“Yeah. Of course,” I said. And then I ran the water loudly, so he couldn’t question me anymore.

*   *   *

I sat in my parking lot after driving home, knowing that I’d been cursed with a day wind—the activities of the previous evening had wound me past exhaustion and back into wakefulness again. So I decided to pre-spend my next paycheck by going to the pawn shop and retrieving my dining room set.

I went to the place nearest my house, doubting that Jake’d bother to go much farther. I was drawn to a small chest of “fine” jewelry, before noticing a large rack of guns. Between the weapons and the smell, I decided it wasn’t the kind of place you wanted to sneak up on anyone in. “Hello?”

A man lumbered out. He’d been making a deposit on his scotch belly, judging by his breath. “What’re you selling?” he asked.

“I’m looking for a dining room set. A guy brought it by last week. He said I could still buy it back?”

The proprietor stared up at the ceiling for a moment, ignoring me. I followed his gaze, expecting to see a security camera, but found a diligent spider instead. “Fucking exterminator—”

“My table? And four chairs? Wood, metal, and glass?” I gestured to indicate the space they might have taken up, were they still in my possession. “Carved legs?”

“Yeah—sorry. They were nice. Sold fast,” he answered, squinting at the spider like his eyes could shoot lasers.

“But—they were mine!”

“Sorry.”

“But—they—” I stuttered.

“Talk to the police, file a report. I’ll tell them what he looked like.” The man shrugged, making his wife beater dance over his heavily furred chest.

I inhaled to protest and then sighed in defeat. Fucking Jake was what I wanted to say, but “Damn” came out instead. I looked around—nothing else here came near what I’d had before, either in quality or size. I’d purchased that set back in the real nursing days, before the minuscule paychecks of Y4 began. I turned to leave, and then—my eyes spotted something familiar on the lower shelf of a grimy glass case. A CD player. Almost exactly like Shawn’s. “How much is that?”

He bent with a grunt to unlock the case and fish out the plastic clamshell. “Five dollars.”

I glared at him. “You sold my dining room set.”

“Two fifty.”

“Does it even work?”

He rolled his eyes. “Of course.”

“Prove it.”

“Prove it yourself,” he said, shoving it across to me.

I held up empty hands. “I don’t have a CD. And you sold my things.”

“Fine, whatever.” He lifted his hands and made a shoving motion toward me. “Take it. Go.”

*   *   *

I drove my preternaturally awake self back to the hospital, slung my badge back on, and went back up to the pedi floor. I walked through the day shift nurses without question, back to beds sixty-two and sixty-three, their rooms strangely quiet without any German.

“Hey, Shawn!” I said from the doorway. His eyes flickered in my direction. The day shift nurse was nowhere to be seen, but there was a professionally dressed woman sitting by Shawn’s side of the bed.

“And you are?” she asked, her tone as sensible as her heels.

“I was his night shift nurse. His CD player got broken—I came to replace it.” I lifted the dusty one out of my bag. “Who’re you?” I asked, as she fished a CD out of his nightstand.

“His mother.” She gave me a glare. “Don’t you people ever read the chart?”

Don’t you people ever wear visitor badges? I wanted to say—and then I remembered that Shawn’d said his mother was dead. I gave him an accusing look and he forced a grin.

“You are trouble!” I told him.

“Come here—” he whispered.

I leaned over, one hand pressing my collar to my chest.

“Closer.”

I got so close my ear almost touched his lip.

“What was it?” he hissed around his uncuffed trach. “Last night. What was it?”

I rocked back a bit. He wasn’t supposed to remember anything. The Shadows were supposed to take care of things. Of everything. I looked down at him. “It was just a bad dream. That’s all. It’s taken care of, honest.” His eyes were wide and earnest, and I could tell he didn’t believe me. Luckily for me, no one would ever believe him.

“Well,” his mother said, breaking up our moment. “I appreciate your sentiment, Nurse—” Her eyes found my badge. “Nurse Spence. But this CD player seems to be nonoperational.” She popped her CD out and then handed me the player.

“Oh.” I took it and shook it some. “Maybe you should—” I offered it back.

“I’m getting him an MP3 player,” she said, then looked away, much as the pawnshop man had. I inhaled to say more, but I knew from her expression that I’d already been dismissed.

I glanced down at Shawn, first trapped in the bed, and now trapped with his memories. “Sorry, buddy.” I saluted him with the CD player in one hand, and walked out the door.

*   *   *

As soon as I sat down in my car, fatigue fell on me like a cloak. I put the CD player in the passenger seat beside me. For a second, I thought I saw its power button flicker on. I stared at it, entranced in my exhaustion. Hoping that it would come on was the only thing stopping me from crying.

Behind me, a car that had stalked me to my parking spot gave up on being polite and honked. I started, looked at the man gesticulating wildly behind me in my rearview, and found my ignition with my keys.

Before I could turn the engine over he honked again. And when my cold engine didn’t take, he honked a third time.

“Look, guy, unless your wife is in your backseat giving birth—just give me a break, will you?” I said. I sniffled in a huge breath to hold so I wouldn’t start bawling. Who could I call to get me at this time of day? Everyone I knew was busy working, or busy sleeping, I couldn’t afford a tow truck, and I sure as hell didn’t have Triple A. “Come on.” A twist, a cough, then silence. Then, honking. “Please. Please,” I implored my car, the asshole behind me, and the universe at large, turning the key one more time.

Grandfather spoke up beside me, and my engine sputtered to life. I sagged forward in relief, pressing my head onto my steering wheel. The guy behind me honked again. “Schadel in Bechern!” Grandfather exclaimed.

“I hope you’re cursing him out in German, Grandfather.” Grandfather kept talking as I reversed out of my spot. The incoming visitor zipped past me with only an inch to spare. I flipped him off and then I wound through the rest of the parking lot. When I hit the highway, I picked up the CD player and held it to my chest as it talked, letting it comfort me like a purring cat.

*   *   *

I scheduled myself for an STD exam when I got up that afternoon, for eight A.M. the next morning. It was embarrassing to call in to the County’s own employee health clinic for that, under my real name no less, but I consoled myself with the fact that at least it was free.

I still had one night off. Instead of picking up an extra shift, I opted to go back to the club.