antique shops had she visited before she found exactly the one she wanted? The pot on the floor that she managed to drag home from a holiday in Morocco. It had seemed so insanely important that she even paid an excess baggage fee because her suitcase was too heavy. The painting from her childhood home, the chairs that had cost a fortune, the canisters on the kitchen shelf that she never used but that stood there to add a homely touch. Everything suddenly felt spoiled. As if the familiar objects had been transformed and she was seeing them for the first time. Not one item moved her any longer. She couldn’t even remember how it had felt when they were important. All she had taken for granted was herself. Everything she had thought and valued, everything that had moved her, none of it was right any longer. It was as if a lens had been slid into place for her alone, making everything look different. Only she could see how meaningless it actually was. She was completely alone, her own world right next to the one that belonged to everyone else. And yet she sat there as usual and paid bills to the world outside.
The door to the office opened. He went into the living room but came right back, picked up a toy from the floor and put it on the kitchen counter and disappeared into his office again.
She glanced through a brochure from the Council, put it in the pile to recycle, and opened the next envelope.
Then he came out again and made another round for no apparent reason. When he did it the third time a few minutes later she couldn’t restrain herself any longer.
‘Are you restless?’
She tore out the window from the envelope and put what was left in the recycling pile.
He probably imagined she said ‘Hurry back into your office and don’t come out again until it’s time to leave,’ because that was exactly what he did.
Evidently it was too much to expect an answer to her question.
Then it was finally time. She felt in unusually high spirits, as if they were on their way to some long- anticipated celebration.
He drove and she sat next to him in the Golf; it was more practical. For that matter, he could take it with him; the Saab was hers and had been paid for by the firm.
‘By the way, I’m sorry I made you lie to Pappa. About the job. That’s not what I intended.’
He didn’t answer. His eyes were fixed straight ahead, his hands on the wheel at ten to two.
She continued.
‘I just didn’t feel like telling him what was going on last Thursday when Axel slept over. That we needed to have some time alone, you and I.’
Some sort of sound came out of him this time, no words but more like a grunt.
She smiled slightly into the darkness and put her hand familiarly over his on the gearstick.
You’re so good at lying. I had no idea.’
The playroom was already filled with parents with light-blue plastic booties pulled over their shoes. Chairs had been set out on the green floor, but most of the parents were standing in groups and talking in low voices. Neither Kerstin or Linda could be seen. Henrik went over and took a chair by the door. His fingers were drumming nervously against the side of the chair.
Eva went over to Jakob’s mother and looked around.
‘It seems as if most people thought it was a good idea to have a meeting.’
Annika Ekberg nodded.
‘Yes, they did. Thanks for your help.’
‘Don’t mention it.’
The murmuring stopped when Kerstin appeared in the doorway. No one in the room could claim that she looked very happy.
‘Hi everyone, and I’ll say welcome even though it’s not exactly a pleasant occasion this evening. Well, you might as well take your seats.’
Like obedient day-care children they did as she asked. Thirty-two parents in their plastic-bootied feet sat down. Eva’s chair stood next to that of her lawfully wedded husband.
‘As I’m sure you all understand, Linda is finding all this incredibly trying. Once again I’d like to assure you that she wasn’t the one who sent you those emails; none of us has any idea how it happened. The Council’s computer department will be starting its investigation first thing tomorrow morning. It wasn’t possible to get hold of anyone over the weekend.’
‘Isn’t Linda here?’
It was Simon’s mother who asked. Her tone was full of mistrust, and it was obvious to everyone in the room that she definitely did not appreciate the love letter to her husband.
Welcome to the club.
‘Yes, here she comes now. I just want to say one thing first.’
She stepped aside and made room for Linda, who appeared in the doorway, head bowed. Kerstin placed an arm protectively round her shoulders, and the contact made Linda sniffle a bit. Eva saw Henrik clenching his hands out of the corner of her eye.
Linda cleared her throat but kept her gaze fixed on the padded rug.
Go ahead and look. It won’t help you.
Then she opened her mouth to speak in her defence.
‘I don’t know what to say.’
The room was dead silent. For a long time it was quiet, long enough to make her start crying in earnest. She hid her face in one hand and Henrik squirmed uncomfortably in his chair.
‘Is there anyone beside you who has access to your email?’
Eva didn’t recognise the voice asking the question behind her back.
‘No, not that I know of, and now I can’t get into it myself any longer. It seems as if the password has been changed.’
Try cock-teaser.
There was another silence, but not as long this time.
‘So what was in the emails?’
A female voice this time, also unfamiliar.
‘I don’t know. As I said, I didn’t write them and didn’t read them either.’
‘I can read it out loud if you like.’
Simon’s father took a folded piece of paper from his jacket pocket and cleared his throat before he began to read, dry and matter-of-fact, as if from the minutes of a board meeting.
My love,
Every minute, every moment I am wherever you are. Merely the knowledge that you exist makes me happy. I live for the brief times we have together. I know that what we’re doing is wrong, that we shouldn’t feel the way we do, but how could I ever say no? I don’t know how many times I’ve decided to try and forget you, but then you stand there in front of me and I just can’t. If everything came out I would probably lose my job, you would lose your family, everything would be chaos. And yet I can’t stop loving you. The instant I pray that all this had never happened, I’m scared to death that my prayer might be answered. I realise that I am ready to lose everything as long as I can be with you.
I love you, your L
It was as if the very air in the room were transformed as he read it aloud. With each syllable he read, Linda raised her eyes centimetre by centimetre until she met Henrik’s. Eva turned a bit so she could look at him. His expression was impossible to read. Terror-stricken was the first word that popped into her mind. Then he turned to her and for the first time in a long while they looked at each other. And she saw that he was afraid. Afraid that his suspicions might turn out to be true. That she knew everything. Then she smiled to him and stood up.
‘Listen, everyone, I’d like to say one thing if it’s OK. Since it’s obvious that Linda didn’t send these emails, we have to believe what she says. I mean, just imagine if you were subjected to something like this and then had to stand up in front of all of us and defend yourself.’
She turned to Linda.
‘I truly understand that this must be hell for you. I think you have shown tremendous courage to meet with us all today.’
