apartment, and when I recognized Michael's number, I managed to pause at a stop sign and answer it. And pin it between my ear and my shoulder, which meant I looked like Quasimodo but I could still drive.
“Are you off work?“ Michael asked.
“Finally,“ I said. “And here I was hoping to get off a little early, what with the murder and all.“
“So that's the real reason ya bumped him off,“ Michael said, in his best Cagney imitation.
“They'll never prove a thing. Hang on, I'm turning into the driveway – I don't want to sideswipe the landlord's bike again.“
I parked the car and returned to our conversation as I descended the steep stairs into the Cave.
“So what else is new?“ Michael asked as I checked the mailbox.
“Oh, God, no,“ I muttered.
“What's wrong?“ he said. “If you need to hang up and call the police – “
“Nothing's wrong,“ I said. “Mother sent another package.“
“Another decorating book?“
“Odds are,“ I said, stuffing the package under my left arm so I could open the front door with my good right hand.
“She's not still into faux finishes, is she?“ Michael asked, anxiously. “I really was worried that I'd come home last weekend to find she'd faux marbled the whole place.“
“No, I convinced her that no amount of faux marbling would make the Cave look like anything other than a dank, underground hole.“
“That's a relief.“
“I did have a little trouble talking her out of the underwater grotto idea.“
“Underwater grotto?“
“Faux coral walls decorated with tasteful murals of seaweed and colorful marine life.“
“But you did talk her out of it, right?“ he asked. “She doesn't still think it's a good idea?“
“She may, for all I know. But after I told her what I thought about it, she hasn't spoken to me for nearly a week. I suppose the book's intended as a peace offering.“
“What's it about?“
“Hang on, I think I need my teeth to finish opening this,“ I said.
“You'll break them if you aren't careful,“ he said.
I didn't argue, partly because I was tired of arguing about the subject, and partly because I had a mouth full of packaging tape.
“It's called
“At least she's getting practical,“ he said, chuckling. “Seriously, have you learned anything new since the last time we talked?“
“Only that Dr. Lorelei thinks we should use our enforced separation to reevaluate our relationship,“ I said. I kicked off my shoes and collapsed on the couch with Mother's book, so I could leaf through it as we talked.
“Lorelei Gruber? The radio shrink? How the hell did you run into her?“
“She's one of the therapists we're sharing space with,“ I said. “You know her?“
“In a way, though I doubt she remembers me fondly. I was one of the people who blew the whistle on her.“
“Blew the whistle,“ I repeated with glee. “What was she doing?“
“Ever heard that show of hers? The inaccurately named
“Just; caught the tail end of it a few minutes ago,“ I said. “I can't exactly say I'm rushing to note the broadcast times on my calendar.“
“That's good, because with any luck they'll be pulling the plug on her eventually. For using actors to call in with pre-rehearsed questions, instead of real callers.“
“How did you figure that out?“
“I recognized the voices of a lot of her callers as students of mine,“ Michael said. “A couple of the other drama professors and I filed a complaint last fall. It dragged on forever, but someone told me that she was going off the air at the end of the summer.“
“Off the college station, anyway,“ I said. “She's going into national syndication.“
“Oh, good grief,“ he said. “I wonder if whoever signed her knows about her credibility problems. Probably wouldn't care if they did. She'll probably move up to a TV talk show before we know it.“
“Michael, this is great,“ I said.
“You obviously weren't listening to that show of hers.“
“No, I mean it's great, because we can use this to help Rob. One of the main reasons Chief Burke is so interested in Rob is that he thinks Ted was blackmailing him.“
“Because of the note, right.“
“So what if Ted were also trying to blackmail Dr. Lorelei? She obviously has a lot to be blackmailed about – which means she could have a really good motive for murder, not to mention the same means and opportunity Rob had.“
“Hmmm,“ he said. “Maybe. How big was Ted?“
I thought. “A couple of inches taller than me,“ I said. “Six feet – maybe as much as six-one.“
“Physically fit?“
“About average,“ I said. “On the skinny side, but no one would call him lean and muscular. Still, he could hold his own in the hallway Frisbee matches. Why?“
“Given her size, it's not impossible, but still – strangling sounds more like something a guy would do than a woman. Especially if the victim is a little above average height and not physically impaired in any way. Wouldn't it take a lot of strength?“
“The chief mentioned something about the killer stunning him with a karate chop to the larynx before strangling him.“
“And he knows for certain it was a karate chop… how?“
I laughed. “Good point,“ I said. “For all we know, the killer could have whacked him with some common desk object, like a phone receiver or a bookend or a three-hole punch. But I'm not entirely sure we want to discourage the chief if he thinks some martial arts expert was the killer.“
“You're always quoting your teacher about how really good martial artists avoid violence. Why let the chief keep on looking for a martial arts expert?“
“Because right now, he thinks Rob is a martial arts expert,“ I said. “As soon as he finds out Rob is a complete klutz, maybe he'll release him and investigate someone else. Yeah, I know it's ridiculous,“ I continued, a little more loudly, so he could hear me over his hoots of laughter, “but he saw Rob doing the Crouching Buzzard kata in the hallway, and now he's arrested him, because of the coincidence of the buzzard kata, purse fu, the
“Oh, brother,“ Michael said, and I suspected he was wiping tears from his eyes. “And you know Rob isn't in any hurry to let the chief know that he's not a martial arts master. Right now, he's probably enjoying being prime suspect.“
“I'm sure he is,“ I said. “But sooner or later, he'll panic when he realizes the chief is serious. So I'd like to make sure the chief looks at some other people.“
“And you're going to pick on anyone who's a martial arts expert.“
“Maybe not,“ I said. “Apart from me – and I'm certainly no expert, even when I have both hands in good working order – Jack Ransom's the only other person I can think of who seems to have done any real martial arts training. And I don't know that he's an expert; he just doesn't seem quite so clueless as everyone else around there. Maybe I'll see if I can get the chief to pick on the other Bruce Lee wannabes.“
“You have others, besides Rob?“
“Tons of them,“ I said. “Mostly because of Rob. It's monkey see, monkey do around here; as soon as they see Rob's interested in something, they all jump on the bandwagon. Ever since Rob took up karate, they've all been trying to join studios, wearing gis, and waving around
