to dispose of inconvenient witnesses had gone to hell this badly, what would I be thinking?
No good. I'd be thinking how crazy it was, planning to shoot all these people. But for Liz, apparently, it was just another case of doing whatever needed to be done to take care of the problem. I could use that.
“Listen, I don't want to upset you or anything,“ I said, “but if I could make a practical suggestion…“
She gestured with her gun, in a way that I assumed meant for me to
“With every person who barges in here, the odds of your getting out of this scot-free are shrinking,“ I said. “Why don't you just… well, you know… come clean. Turn yourself in. Everyone here knew Ted – I'm sure you could have a dozen witnesses to testify to what you had to put up with from Ted.“
Around the room, silver-trimmed heads bobbed vigorously.
“With a good criminal attorney, you'd get off with probation or something,“ I went on. “Maybe even acquittal – the way the chief's been handling this, odds are he's made all kinds of errors that would help you get off – he probably has no chain of custody for the evidence. I'm sure there are procedural problems with the searches, or some of the people he's questioned.“
“You've been playing Lawyers from Hell,“ she said. “I can tell. Everyone plays that damned game for an hour or two and thinks they know my job better than I do after three years of law school and four years of practice. Do you have any idea how hard law school was?“ , “Yes, I heard all about it from Rob,“ I said. “He – “
“Rob!“ she shouted. “He thinks he had it tough! Your parents paid his tuition, all his expenses. I had to work my way through college and law school. Do you think he has any idea what that was like? Any idea what I had to do?“
Something occurred to me – I remembered that on Ted's blackmail list, the Ninja's name had a note: “xxx pix.“
“No, but Ted knew, didn't he?“ I said. “The pornographic pictures, right?“
A long shot – but it hit home. Maybe a little too close to home.
“They were not pornographic pictures!“ she shrieked. “I did an exotic dance act, period. They were publicity photos. Nothing more than that, no matter what Ted tried to insinuate.“
“Still, it's not something you wanted people to find out about here on the East Coast, now that you're trying to make a name in your new profession,“ I said. “It's understandable that you'd resent him trying to drag all that up. Use that. I bet you could make it a feminist cause if you play your cards right.“
“Oh, instead of the Twinkie Defense, we have the Pasty Defense?“
“The Twinkie Defense worked in the Dan White case,“ I reminded her. I refrained from mentioning that I knew this from playing Lawyers from Hell.
“Not entirely,“ she said. “He was still convicted. Of a lesser charge, but it was still a felony. You can't practice law if you've been convicted of a felony. I am not going to let this ruin my life. I worked too hard to get where I am.“
“Your career means so much that you're willing to kill for it?“ I asked.
“It wasn't just my career,“ Liz said. “It was for the good of the company. Ted was plotting something. Why do you think he was trying to blackmail people – not just me, but anyone he could manage. He was trying to get enough power to pull off something really big.“
Maybe, I thought, but that sounded more like Liz thinking than Ted. I had a feeling the only thing Ted wanted to accomplish with his blackmail scheme was causing trouble. But I didn't think telling her that would be a good idea.
“Then use that,“ I suggested. “If you reveal what he was up to, I bet you can manage a plea bargain that doesn't even include a felony. But if you kill anyone else, you can't possibly get away with it.“
“Just watch me,“ she said. “After I – “
“Police! Drop your weapon and put your hands up!“
Liz froze – she didn't drop the gun, but she didn't do anything desperate, either, like whirl and begin blasting at the police. Which was a good thing. The voice had come from behind her back, but I could see that the figure standing in the library doorway wasn't the chief or any of his men. It was Michael. And my eyes were sufficiently adjusted to the low light that I could tell the object he was aiming at her wasn't a gun – it was his cell phone. I only hoped he'd turned it off before he drew it – even the most distraught homicidal maniac would be suspicious of a cop whose weapon began caroling Beethoven's “Ode to Joy“ in the middle of a shootout.
“I said drop your weapon and – “
“Aaaaiieeeee!“
With a bloodcurdling shriek, a figure leaped out of the shadows and attacked Michael with a series of swift kicks and blows. Liz leaped out of the way as the two of them came sprawling into the library. Michael ended up flat on his stomach with the breath knocked out of him. But apparently he'd managed to land at least one well-aimed blow. His assailant was curled up in a fetal position with his hands between his legs. The cell phone landed a few feet from Michael's head and began tinkling out the “William Tell Overture.“
“Oh,“ the assailant groaned. “I hate it when that happens.“
“Rob?“ I said, recognizing the voice. “Is that you, Rob?“
Michael couldn't speak yet, but he growled.
“Get your hands up,“ Liz ordered.
Rob put one hand up while the other continued to clutch his groin. Michael began raising his hands. Liz jumped to the conclusion that he was reaching for the cell phone.
“Don't touch that thing!“ she shrieked.
Michael froze. Rob winced and quickly raised his other hand. The cell phone switched to “Auld Lang Syne,“ which I thought was an awfully tactless choice, under the circumstances. Apparently the fall had set off the feature that played all the tunes in the cell phone's memory, so you could decide which one you liked. I hated them all – what's wrong with a simple ring, anyway?
“Rob, why did you attack Michael?“ I asked.
Rob raised his head, recognized Michael, and dropped back with a groan.
“I really blew it, didn't I?“ he said.
“And Michael, what are you doing here?“
“I had a premonition that something bad was going to happen,“ he said. “So when you hung up on me this morning, I told the director I was having a family emergency and could we finish the big magical duel scene as quickly as possible so I could wrap up for the week. And then I caught the first flight I could get out of L.A.“
“The white knight rides to the rescue,“ Liz said with a sneer. “Some rescue.“
The phone chose this moment to switch to “Scotland the Brave.“ I pondered, momentarily, what would happen if you crossed a cell phone with an equally irritating Affirmation Bear and then stowed the idea away for future consideration.
“He tried to rescue us,“ I said. “He nearly succeeded. Rob, what the hell were you doing here?“
“When you said Dad was with you, I remembered that he was going down to the office to check something out, and I wondered what the two of you were doing,“ he said. “I figured you were detecting something. And then I saw someone sneaking up the fire escape and climbing through one of the back windows.“
“That would be me,“ Michael said.
“Hey, at least I got that move right,“ Rob said, cheerfully. “Did you see how well I did it?“
“Fantastic,“ I said. Rob's face fell. Maybe I sounded too sarcastic. Ironic – it would be just Rob's luck that the one time in his life that he executed any kind of martial arts maneuver flawlessly it could very well cost him his life.
“I hate to break up the reunion,“ Liz said. “But you need to tie them up. Tape them up. I have some other work for you.“
“I still don't understand how you think you're going to get away with this.“ I said, stalling for time as I fiddled with the roll of duct tape and the phone began playing “Fur Elise.“
