some painkillers. He never once says please or thank you. This attitude would be true of over half the inmates, and nearer 70 per cent of those under thirty. Although it’s a generalization, I have become aware that those without manners are also the work shy amongst the prison population.
2.30 pm
Among the thousands of letters I’ve received since I’ve been incarcerated, several are from charities that continue to ask for donations, signed books and memorabilia, and occasionally for a doodle, drawing, poem or even a painting. Despite my life-long love of art, the good Lord decided to place a pen in my hand, not a paintbrush. But I found an alternative when I came across Darren, an education orderly. Darren has already designed several imaginative posters and signs for the hospital. The latest charity request is that I should produce a sunflower,
DAY 172 SUNDAY 6 JANUARY 2002
8.00 am
As it’s Twelfth Night, I spend a couple of hours taking down my Christmas cards (1,712), and packing them up so I can hand them over to Will when he visits me this afternoon.
10.30 am
Linda tells me that a nurse at the Pilgrim Hospital phoned urgently about the prisoner with the groin injury. An officer is dispatched immediately to keep an eye on him until he’s safely back in his room at NSC. Not a bad idea to get yourself transferred to the local hospital if you plan to escape, but it’s not that bright to ask a nurse where the exits are.
2.00 pm
Will visits me, accompanied by my Christmas present. Neither he nor James have heard a word from their mother since she landed in Kenya. Will reassures me by suggesting she’s either having a good time, or she’s been eaten by a lion.
8.00 pm
Doug arrives at the hospital with the news that five prisoners who were out on a town leave have failed to return. As none of them are murderers, only the local police will be alerted. If a murderer absconds, the Home Office has to brief the national press within twenty-four hours.
DAY 173 MONDAY 7 JANUARY 2002
North Sea Camp has been told to increase its bed space. Now that almost every room has a TV set, the large television rooms can be converted into three dormitories, giving the prison another thirteen beds. I don’t think this will go a long way to solving the problem of overcrowding in prisons.
11.00 am
When Mr Berlyn drops into the hospital, Linda tells him that she’s applying for a job at the coroner’s office in Boston. He assures me later that he doesn’t believe she’ll ever leave. He seems surprised, and frowns when I tell him that she’s already completed an application form.
He then reveals that, of the five prisoners who failed to check back in by seven the previous evening, two turned up late and will be in front of the governor this morning, two were caught drunk in an amusement arcade in Skegness and have already been shipped out to Lincoln, where they’ll complete their sentence with a further twenty-eight days added, and one is still on the run.
‘It can’t be worth it,’ I declare when discussing the absconders with Jim (antiques only) over lunch.
‘It may not be worth it for you, Jeffrey, but we don’t know their domestic situation. Has the wife run away with his best mate? Are the children OK? Are they all being turfed out of their home? Are they…’
I agree with Jim. I can’t begin to imagine such problems.
DAY 174 TUESDAY 8 JANUARY 2002
10.00 am
HM PRISON SERVICE RACE RELATIONS POLICY STATEMENT
The Prison Service is committed to racial equality. Improper discrimination on the basis of colour, race, nationality, ethnic or national origins or religion, is unacceptable, as is any racially abusive or insulting language or behaviour on the part of any member of staff, prisoner or visitor, and neither will be tolerated. [17]
This statement is publicly displayed in every prison in England, and I must admit that I have never witnessed an officer showing any racial prejudice at any time. On the contrary, I have witnessed several prisoners play the race card to their advantage.
’You’re only saying that because I’m black…’
‘You’re picking on me because I’m a Muslim…’
Unfortunately, I’ve not seen a black or Asian officer at either Wayland or North Sea Camp, otherwise I might have tried, ‘You’re only picking on me because I’m white…’
Can you name one country on earth that has a race relations policy to protect the whites? Certainly not Zimbabwe, which is in the headlines again today. I mention this only because a circular was sent to all departments today, which clearly shows how seriously the Prison Service takes minority rights.
12 noon
Mr Belford drops into the hospital and reports a conversation he heard between two elderly ladies standing at a bus stop in Boston:
First lady: ‘Did you see Jeffrey Archer in the pub last night?’
Second lady: ‘No, I thought he was in jail.’
First lady: ‘No, he’s down at our local almost every night, drinking pint after pint, before he’s driven back to the prison by his chauffeur in a Rolls Royce.’
Second lady: ‘It’s a disgrace.’
The officer pointed out to the ladies that I have never once left the NSC since the day I arrived, and I don’t drink.
‘That’s what you think,’ came back the immediate reply.
DAY 175 WEDNESDAY 9 JANUARY 2002
5.14 am
I wake and consider the future.
Everything rests on the result of my appeal. I currently have a four-year sentence. In present circumstances, assuming I remain a model prisoner, I’ll serve two, subject to my parole board report being positive, which means I
