extra days and even be shipped out to a B-cat. However, Mr Vessey points out that should he refuse a second time, they can ship him out the same day.
DAY 269 SATURDAY 13 APRIL 2002
The new chapel orderly committed an unusual crime. ‘On the out’ he was an accounts executive for a well- known furniture company. He became head of the complaints department, whose responsibility it was to ensure that when customers returned goods they received a refund and the article was returned to the store’s seconds department.
One Christmas, the chapel orderly purchased a sofa for his mother, but she didn’t like it. He returned the sofa and applied for a refund, giving his own name and address. The money was refunded quite legally. It was then that the man realized that only he and the computer were aware of the transaction. Using a false name but his own address, he authorized and presented a bogus claim and the computer happily credited his account. By changing the name every time, he could make a claim once a week, and during the following year, he supplemented his income by over ?200,000. The chapel orderly and his girlfriend (she unwittingly) lived in comfort, as he became more and more confident, upping the sums on a weekly basis, and even giving himself a bonus over the Christmas rush.
So how was he caught? A secretary mistakenly opened a random file on her computer, and was surprised by what she found – how could 127 people living at the same address all require a refund for 127 different pieces of furniture they’d ordered over the past year?
The accounts executive pleaded guilty and was sentenced to three years. He is now the chapel orderly at NSC.
DAY 278 MONDAY 22 APRIL 2002
As part of his rehabilitation into society, one of the lifers (Malcolm, armed robbery) has just started an outside job as a cleaner at Haven High School.
The first day turned out to be a bit of a culture shock when he discovered how mature and self-confident modern young women have become. He repeated a conversation he’d had this morning with a fourteen-year-old who approached him in the corridor.
‘Are you a convict?’
‘Yes, I am.’
‘What are you in for?’
‘Armed robbery.’
‘How many years have you served?’
‘Fourteen.’
‘Fourteen years without sex?’ the girl said in mock disbelief.
‘Yes,’ he repeated, to which the girl lifted up her skirt, and said, ‘Well you must be up for it.’
Malcolm ran out of the building. Had she reported him for even talking about sex, he probably would have been transferred back to a B-cat the same day.
DAY 287 WEDNESDAY 1 MAY 2002
10.30 am
Strange goings-on in the camp today. Tony, a well-known drug dealer, has collapsed after taking an overdose only hours before he’s due to be released. What kind of problems can he have on the outside, that he considers suicide a better way out than the front gate?
Tony has been a regular at the hospital over the past few weeks, so there’s no way of knowing if he’s been storing up pills, and how many he swallowed today. Rather than wait for an ambulance, Tony’s been rushed into the Pilgrim Hospital in the prison mini-bus, accompanied by two officers. I’ll know more tonight.
6.00 pm
Tony has just returned to the camp to spend his final night in jail. They pumped out his stomach, so he’ll still leave us at 8 am tomorrow. But how long will he survive on the outside?
7.08 pm
I have just returned from an hour’s walk around the playing field with the intention of watching Hendry vs. Doherty in the quarter-final of the World Championship snooker, [29] when there’s a knock on my door.
It’s Tony clutching a letter that he wants me to hand to sister, but he asks me to read it first. It’s a two-sided handwritten missive, apologizing for his behaviour over the past few weeks, and thanking sister for her kindness and understanding. I promise to give it to her tomorrow morning. Tony is just about to leave when I ask him if he’d be willing to answer a few questions about drugs. I quite expect him to tell me what I can do with myself, using the usual prison vernacular, but to my surprise he takes a seat in the waiting room and says, ‘Ask me anything you want, Jeff. I don’t give a fuck, I’m out of here first thing in the morning.’
During the next hour, I ask him question after question, all of which he answers with a brutal frankness.
‘Did you try to commit suicide?’
‘No, I just OD’d.’
‘How often do you take heroin?’
‘While I’ve been here, usually four times a day. When I wake in the morning, just after dinner, then again after tea and just before I go to bed.’
‘Do you inject it, sniff it or smoke it?’
‘Smoke it,’ Tony replies. ‘Only fuckin’ morons inject it. I’ve seen too many crack-heads get HIV or hepatitis B by injecting themselves with someone else’s needle. While I’ve been in jail, I’ve seen needles used by a hundred different inmates. Don’t forget, Jeff, 235,000 people in Britain are regular heroin users, and if you consider their families, over a million people must be involved. Heroin costs the NHS three billion a year.’
‘How do you get the heroin into prison?’
‘There are several ways, but the most common is to pick it up from a dealer when you’re out on a weekend leave, and then pack a couple of ounces in a condom and stuff it up your rectum. No officer enjoys checking up there.’
‘A couple of ounces?’
‘That was all I could afford this time. My record “on the out” was coming back from Holland with seven ounces of marijuana.’
‘How much would that be worth?’
‘If it’s pure, the best, you could be talking around a hundred grand.’
‘So when you bring the drugs back into the prison, are they just for you?’
‘No, no, no, I have to pay my supplier “on the out”. I’m only a dealer. Dealers are either kings or pawns. I’m a pawn. A king rarely takes drugs, just brings them in from abroad and distributes them among his pawns, most of whom only deal so they can satisfy their own craving.’
‘So how many of the two hundred inmates at NSC are on heroin?’
He pauses to consider the question. ‘Thirty-nine that I’m aware of,’ he says.
‘But that’s around twenty-five per cent.’
‘Yeah,’ he replies, matter-of-factly.
‘How do you pay back the king dealer while you’re on the inside?’
‘Easy,’ says Tony. ‘I only sell to those inmates who have someone on the outside who will hand over cash direct to my dealer. I never supply until the money has been received.’
