Losers Live Longer

I measured my steps, breathed deeply and softly, until I found the kid crouched down beside one of the benches.

He sprang up as I got closer.

“Oh, it’s you.”

“Relax,” I said. “Nobody’s coming. We lost him.”

The kid shook his head from side to side.

I said, “Thanks for helping me back there. Quick thinking the way you handled the old man. It’s a shame you left your skateboard behind.”

“Oh, fuck.” I guess he’d been too busy to notice.

“Yeh. It’s how the cops are going to pin you for murder.”

“What?” He whirled round to face me. “No way. You saw, he tried to stick me with that needle. I was defending myself. Self-defense.”

“Oh, absolutely. But I didn’t mean him, I meant the man whose life you ended this afternoon. The super of that building. You really shouldn’t have done that, y’know.”

It was dark and I couldn’t see his face all that well, but I heard the distress in his voice.

“I didn’t—”

“Don’t bother denying it, kid. I know you did it. Soon the cops will know too. Your fingerprints are all over that skateboard, and those bruises on both their necks are going to match up perfectly. You’re done.”

“They’ll never be able…there’s no way they’ll know it was me—”

“Sure they will. See, I’m going to tell them.”

“What?” His voice became very small, like a worried mouse in a Beatrix Potter book.

I told him how it was. “I liked that old guy. And I’m not really that fond of you.”

“But I…I saved your life!”

“And I said thanks.”

“Please don’t…don’t tell. I didn’t mean to do it.”

“Why did you?”

“It was an accident. I followed you there and I was just listenin’ outside the door. I thought it’s where Michael Cassidy was. Then that old bastard saw me. I tried to get away, but he grabbed me by the arm. I didn’t mean to—he just grabbed me and I wanted him to let me go. It was an accident. Please don’t tell.”

He started to cry. It was the first time since I’d met him that he sounded his age. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

“Yeh, an accident,” I said, “just like Owl, this morning, falling into traffic.”

“That…” He sniffled. “That wasn’t any accident.”

“What do you mean?”

“Somebody shoved the old guy in front of that car. I saw the whole thing. I even—” He shut up.

“You’re making it up. I don’t believe you,” I said, but I was lying. It was the only thing that might’ve explained why Gower had tried to stick him with the needle instead of me. Someone wanted to silence the kid. Which meant he knew something, had seen something.

The kid pleaded, “No. No, really. I saw it. Honest! They were talking and then that black car came and—I couldn’t believe it—he shoved the old guy right in front of it.”

“Who did?”

“Look, I’ll tell you, okay? But we gotta trade.”

“Trade what?”

“I tell you and you let me go.”

I said nothing.

“Come on, you gotta let me go. Will you, if I tell you?”

I thought about it, but there wasn’t much to think about. The cops would probably land him without my help anyway, so what did I have to lose versus what I had to gain?

“Okay,” I agreed.

“You’ll trade?”

“I said all right. Now tell me. Who was it?”

He sniffled some. “I don’t know his name.”

“Then what the fuck are—”

“I can describe him!”

“Okay, so describe him.”

“That’s easy. You must—”

He stopped talking, his head tipped back. For a second, I thought he’d gotten beaned by a badly thrown Frisbee, I saw something go flying off after skimming the top of his head.

Only it was the top of his head. It landed about three feet behind him.

Hearing the shot was an afterthought as I ate gritty macadam, trying to will myself flat as a sheet of paper. My body hit the ground before the kid’s landed in a loose-limbed pile. Then a second shot rang out and a spurt of dirt hit my face. Shit. It stung.

I’d been wrong when I said we’d lost our pursuer. It wasn’t exactly a new experience for me, being wrong. Unlike getting shot at in the dark. Never served in the military, so this was a new one on me, one I could’ve gladly gone my whole li—but why bother thinking about it? I’d lost my cherry.

Shit shit shit.

I was trapped in here. Around me on three sides was the chain-link fencing, eleven feet high, and the only exit the open gap through which the kid and I had entered. If I tried to go back through that gap or to scale the fence, the gunman would see me and kill me. Unfortunately the only other choice was the fourth side of this little enclosure—and that direction held nothing but a fifteen-foot drop to the foul, fast-moving water of the East River. The current would pull me under like a hundred cold hands.

Shit.

As I glanced about, I felt my skin prickling. There’s an undeniable thrill in being hunted. Whether it’s race memory, instinct, or perversion, since childhood we’ve all enjoyed the game of hide-and-seek. And there was an atavistic part of me that wanted to enjoy it even now. But seeing a boy’s head shot off would dampen even the most ardent player’s enthusiasm.

Shit.

I started to crawl along on my belly, making for the promenade’s railing and the water’s edge.

I could hear the rattle of the chain-link fence. The shooter was looking for the opening I’d passed through, and it wouldn’t be long before he found it.

Shit. Or have I already said that?

In danger and in lovemaking, our bodies are transformed. Blood flows rapidly to all the necessary parts, our muscles expand and our joints become more fluid. We’re at the height of our efficiency, like it’s what we were meant to do. It makes all the other activities in our life seem like a ridiculous waste of breath. Meaningless fillers between love and death. But to be honest, I’d much rather been home watching TV.

Fuck.

I finally reached the railing and could see the East River beyond, its choppy surface dark silver and oily. Off in the distance were the lights of the Williamsburg Bridge, full of cars which were full of people, all too far away to do me any good except as an extravagant night-light. One that wasn’t going to keep the bogeyman away.

I started to pray. Nothing elaborate, just “God help me” over and over again. My grandma used to tell me it was all you ever needed to say.

There was a gap beneath the lowest part of the fence railing where the ground was crumbling away. Just wide enough for me to squeeze through.

I didn’t hear the rattling of the chain-link fence anymore, just footsteps. He’d found the opening. He was here.

I slipped over the side, dislodging pebbles and chunks of asphalt into the water below. I kept my hands tight on the base of the railing. The last thing I wanted was to land in the East River, it was as sure a death as a bullet.