Blood Runs Cold

Ren paused. ‘I … screwed up.’

‘OK …’

‘I … slept with a C.I. – a confidential informant. Last night.’

‘OK,’ said Helen. ‘What happened?’

‘He works in a bar. I went to see him. We were snowed in. We had a few drinks …’

‘Are you OK? He didn’t, like …’

‘God, no,’ said Ren. ‘He’s a lovely guy. I mean, he’s a criminal, but –’

‘He’s a criminal.’

‘Well, yeah. Obviously. Most C.I.s are. I mean, he’s … reformed.’

‘He told you that?’

‘No. But –’

‘But …?’

‘I believe him.’

‘Really?’

‘No. I guess not. No.’ Her voice was shaking. ‘OK? Here’s how I feel. I am so attracted to him, it’s amazing.’

‘I have heard you say that before.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, I mean it this time.’

Helen said nothing.

‘What’ll I do?’ said Ren.

‘How many times have you asked me that?’

‘I know, but I’m hoping one day you’ll crack …’

Helen laughed. ‘Look, work out the patterns, Ren. You’re an intelligent woman. Why do you put yourself in these situations? What are the factors? Alcohol doesn’t help. Stress … you know all this.’

‘I know, but I still do it anyway. And for the first time, I can say, honestly, that even if I hadn’t been drinking, it would have happened. I know there are people who can walk away from this kind of thing … but I’m not one of them. I’d love to be, but … I never have.’

‘But you don’t feel good afterwards.’

‘I live in the moment.’

‘And then you regret the moment. And the moment eats you up, obsesses you. In a really bad way. And then …’

‘And then nothing, I’ve too much on now for it to get in the way.’

‘Yeah, because “feeling shit” gives a damn about what you have going on in your life.’

‘Yeah, well I’m not going to get down about it …’

‘Are you looking after yourself? Are you eating well? Sleeping?’

‘Not really … Mom.’

‘I’ll ignore that. Do me a favor, please. Go to the gym. Go to the health-food store. Get some early nights. Try a routine.’

Ren sighed.

‘And stay away from beer,’ said Helen.

Ren’s shoulders slumped. ‘I’ll try.’

‘Must try harder,’ said Helen.

‘Story of my life,’ said Ren.

When Ren got back to the inn, she went straight to her room and into the shower. And in the tenth minute she stood there, wondering if she had put conditioner in her hair, wondering whether, if she had, she’d rinsed it out, wondering if really hot water ruined your skin, she saw the face of Gary Dettling. In one hour she would be sitting oppositehim, discussing the reliability of Billy Waites.

It depends on what you are relying on him for.

34

Gary Dettling was sitting at the edge of his desk with his back to the door, in front of a bunch of very rough- looking Safe Streets guys. He turned around when Ren walked in. He looked rougher than the rest of them.

‘What happened to you guys?’ said Ren.

‘What happened to you?’ said Gary.

‘Hey, I thought I looked fine,’ said Ren.

‘You do,’ said Gary. ‘You look like you had a great night’s sleep.’

‘No, I didn’t, actually.’ She looked around the room. ‘What?’

‘Didn’t you get my texts? Didn’t you get my calls?’ said Gary. ‘Didn’t you hear your door getting banged on at midnight?’

Ren’s heart started hammering.

‘Oh no – you didn’t,’ said Gary. ‘Because you were not there.’

‘I …’ am a bad liar. ‘I … had to go see Jean’s one-three-seven. There was a snowstorm. You might have seen it on the news this morning. It didn’t clear ’til six a. m.’

‘You were stuck in a shit-ass bar all night. Bummer,’ said Robbie.

Gary’s expression had no empathy.

‘Why were you looking for me?’ said Ren.

‘Well, unfortunately bank robbers have no consideration that we’re – most of us – an hour and a half away from Denver and it’s not too convenient to be roused from our cozy Breckenridge beds to go back and investigate the … worst robbery yet, as a matter of fact.’

‘Most money?’ said Ren.

‘Most violent,’ said Gary.

‘Oh no,’ said Ren.

Gary nodded. ‘It started about eight p.m. last night. The manager of the bank was sitting with his wife watching a movie. One of these goons shows up at the door in his nice blue and yellow shirt with a couple Blockbuster DVDs in his hand, so it looks like they’ve forgotten something or are getting some delivery, whatever. When they open the door, bam – four guys are inside, no masks. They get the couple into the living room and tie them up. Without saying one word. So this couple have no idea what is going on. And get this – the men really do have some DVDs to show them. Hardcore porn. Off the charts. And one of the guys zips open a sports bag. He gets the bank manager’s wife to kneel down and keep her eyes on the television set. Then behind her, so he thinks only the husband can see, he starts taking out every one of the fucked-up toys they’re using on the screen in front of them. And the wife’s watching all this in the reflection. Meanwhile, another one of these animals is literally jacking off in the corner. Then the first guy gets the remote control and pauses the movie.’ He turns to the husband and says:

‘Would you like to see this performed live?’

This woman’s husband doesn’t even say no. Poor bastard just says, “You can do what you like to me. Please do not touch my wife.”’

‘Oh my God,’ said Ren. ‘That is horrific.’

‘Then the guy with the sports bag leaves the jack-off guy with the toys and the wife – so you can imagine what happened next. And they killed the husband anyway.’

‘And the wife?’

‘Lived to tell that tale,’ said Gary.

‘Jesus Christ Almighty,’ said Ren. She sat down at her desk. ‘Is there any hope of her ID-ing these guys?’