detach. She used it to make her a better agent. But at times like this, another part of her hated it and was afraid of it.
The repercussions of what she had done for James Laker were far-reaching. Just like Beau’s suicide. Just like Louis Parry’s disappearance.
Suddenly, all thoughts of the compound were swept away.
Ren called her mom, ‘Mom, it’s me. Sorry it’s late, early, whatever. Remember when Rita Parry called you over to talk?’
‘Yes,’ said her mom. Her mom never commented on the strange hours Ren called her.
‘How did that make you feel?’ It was the first time in Ren’s life that she had asked her mother a question about her emotions. Not because she didn’t want to hear the answer, but because her mother never discussed emotions – not her own or any of her children’s. Another HazMat suit wearer.
‘Oh…I don’t know…I suppose I felt bad. Her wanting to die like that. And not having answers to what happened to her son. I felt bad for at least knowing what happened to Beau.’
‘You asked Ricky Parry to do some jobs in the house after that, didn’t you?’
‘Well, yes. The Parry’s house was awful, Ren. It was so oppressive. There was no life in it. It was just…there. With a sick, depressed woman ready to give up, no matter what he could say or do. It can’t have been easy for him.’
‘No. I imagine it was the hardest thing he had ever gone through. And he had no idea what to do with the pain.’
Her mother hesitated. ‘Yes…Ren, what is this about?’
‘It’s about me taking a day off work,’ said Ren.
‘Right,’ said her mom. ‘You do that, Ren. I’m sure you’re exhausted with everything. That job of yours—’
‘Yup,’ said Ren. ‘That job of mine. Love to you both, Mom.’
‘And to you, too, sweetheart. Go back to bed.’
Ren put the phone down and pulled her wallet from her purse. She took out her credit card and made a phone call. She wrote down the details on a piece of paper. Outgoing flight time: 8 a.m. Return flight: 8 p.m.
The Parry house smelled of sickness and all the chemicals used to treat it. Ricky Parry was skinnier than Ren remembered. It didn’t suit him. It made his face appear long and his eyes seem to retreat into their sockets. Maybe they were. Maybe they’d grown tired of looking out at the world.
He tried to smile at her. He gestured her into the room. But instead of walking past him, Ren put her arms around him and drew him into a hug. He froze. She could feel him tremble. She held him a little tighter, then gently released him.
‘Can we sit down somewhere?’
Ricky nodded.
‘Is your mom here?’
‘She’s sleeping.’ He pointed to a room behind them. ‘We converted the games room.’
They went into the living room and sat side-by-side on the sofa. Ricky’s head hung. His hair smelled unwashed. His clothes smelled of having been worn too often and left damp for too long. He was oblivious to his right leg bouncing. His fingertips were red raw, the nails bitten halfway down.
The dresser was covered in photos. There were a lot of early ones, before Louis went missing; family vacations, school photos, everything that any other family would have. But at the end were a series of images that made the hairs on the back of Ren’s neck stand up.
Ricky followed her gaze. The pain in his eyes was heartbreaking.
‘I know,’ he said.
They were computer-aged photos of Louis, right up until the present. A graphic rendering of what Louis Parry would have looked like at fifteen, twenty-five, all the way up to the present day – a face from a childhood photo, mixed with the filled-out faces and hairlines of older male relations, mixed with the soft jawline he shared with his mother. A cobbled-together photo that had no place in a frame.
‘You know why I’m here,’ said Ren.
For a while, they stayed in silence. He looked up at her. ‘Nancy Drew.’ He smiled sadly.
‘Oh, Ricky,’ said Ren. ‘How could you do this to us?’
46
Ricky Parry stared at the floor. Ren could see tears dropping on to the carpet. So many tears. ‘I sat on the plane,’ said Ren. ‘And I thought about you all the way—’
‘I couldn’t handle it: the playing cards bringing it all back,’ said Ricky. ‘My mother wanted to be part of that – she heard about it and wanted Louis to feature. And I…and there it was all over again. Louis Parry, the media, the neighbors—’
‘You couldn’t take it.’
He shook his head. ‘No.’
‘It’s dominated your entire life…’
He nodded. ‘I loved Louis.’
‘I know that,’ said Ren.
Ricky looked at her with hope in his eyes. ‘But I just ended up…I was always living in his shadow. Everyone was obsessed. My parents were never there.’
‘And when that faded a little when you were a teenager, which was perfectly understandable, the guilt ate you up. I could see that. And through it all, you still missed Louis and you felt for your parents.’
‘My father died never knowing what happened to Louis.’
Ren nodded. ‘And you didn’t want your mother to do the same.’
Ricky shook his head. ‘No. I didn’t want her to die. I don’t want her to die. And I thought, if she knew what happened to Louis, she could focus on that instead of focusing on meeting him in the next life. She kept saying that – about meeting him. I couldn’t handle it. It was like she had more to die for than she had to live for. She didn’t once talk about leaving me. She just talked about joining him. And I’m here. I’m alive, but why? What’s the point?’
‘That must have been devastating,’ said Ren. ‘But then, if it wasn’t devastating, you wouldn’t have been so desperate to—’
‘I’m so sorry, Ren. I had to do something…’
‘Jesus, Ricky. Beau? I swear to God…’
Ricky was crying. ‘I know. I’m so sorry. But he’s—’
‘Yes,’ said Ren. ‘Dead. Which makes this worse. Did you ever really know how good he was to Louis? Did you have a clue? He was so good to all the kids. He never turned anyone away. He understood them. Did you know he taught Louis for free? Those last few lessons he gave him were for free, because your parents were having a hard time. Beau was—’
‘I know all that,’ said Ricky. ‘God, I know and I’m sorry…But it was because of your family and what good people they are that I was able to do this. Your mom gave me these odd jobs to do, because she knew I needed the money. I’m not even any good. But it meant I could get into Beau’s room. It was the easiest way to…’
Ren shook her head. ‘Did your mom really believe that Beau could have done anything to Louis?’
‘She’s very weak now. She’s drifting in and out—’
‘So this was all ultimately pointless.’
‘How can you be so calm?’
‘Calm? On the outside maybe,’ said Ren. ‘How could you do this, Ricky? How?’
