Sol drew them down. He sat cross-legged on the floor. She let him go and picked up the goblet, caressing it in both of her palms. She gazed down at the liquid that was to kill her husband. A teardrop fell into its centre, rippling the dust. Everything that she had tried to shut from her mind came crashing back in and she felt the strength desert her. Sol had taken the goblet from her, replaced it on the ground and dragged her to him before she gave in. The agony washed over her and through her, wiping away her courage and leaving her only with despair and a desperate longing that felt like a shard of ice in her heart.
‘I can’t…’ she began. ‘I don’t… want… this.’
‘I know, love, I know. Lean into me, let it out.’
And she did. She tried to talk but all that came were mumbles of her anguish. Her cries came out hard, tearing from deep within her and rasping in her throat. Her body quaked in Sol’s arms and she thumped uselessly at his chest.
‘Don’t make me… don’t make me. Don’t leave me alone.’
‘My darling, you will never be alone. I will live in you and the boys for as long as you need me.’
‘But I cannot reach for you in the night. I cannot feel you close to me.’
‘I know, I know.’
Sol’s chest was heaving and she felt dampness on her shoulder and the fall of tears on the side of her face. She forced the collision of memories, future fears and current pain from her mind and fought to regain a little control.
‘How will I know you have done what you go to do?’
‘Because a door will open next to you and you will walk through it and into a new world. A new home where you and the boys can be safe forever.’
‘How long will it take?’
‘I cannot say, my love. But trust me that I will succeed. Believe in me, and it will make me stronger on my journey. And stay hidden down here, far from the Heart and far from the surface. The enemy will not touch you here. Let Densyr keep you safe. He is returned to himself just in time.’
Diera nodded and let Sol go again. She wiped at her tears with the backs of her hands. Sol cupped her face and kissed her tenderly.
‘It was always you who was the true hero,’ he said. ‘Wherever I was and whoever I fought, you always stood by me, gave me faith. I need you to do that one more time.’
‘I will,’ whispered Diera.
She leaned to her right and picked up the goblet. Her hand did not shake any more. She sat down beside him, switched the goblet to her left hand and put her right arm about his shoulders. He let out a great shuddering breath.
‘I will not fail you,’ he said.
‘You never do,’ she replied.
Diera brought the goblet towards his lips. His right hand came across and held it with her.
‘Goodbye, my love. My life was ever sweetened by your presence,’ said Sol.
‘Goodbye, Sol. Until our souls touch each other again.’
They brought the cup to his lips and after the slightest pause he drank, not stopping until the last of the mixture was gone. Diera took the goblet and laid it on the ground. She put a hand to his cheek and turned his face towards hers. Sol placed both his hands on her, cupping her neck and she did likewise. They held each other’s gaze and a lifetime flowed between them.
Sol’s eyes blinked slowly. One of his hands fell to his side. She turned him then, leaning his head against her chest so that she could stroke his cheek. Her other hand lay on his chest.
‘Rest now, my darling. Rest.’
Above her, the mist cleared and a warmth entered the room, caressing their bodies. Sol’s chest rose and fell. It did not rise again.
‘Oh Sol. My strength, my brave heart. I love you. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.’
Diera held her to him and rocked him gently until she felt tender hands about her.
Chapter 36
He felt no pain and no regret. There was no fanfare within to mark his passing. He had no idea what to expect but the memories of words spoken by returning souls. He could see nothing and he did not feel as if he was moving. No sensations touched him and the fact of his solitude did not scare him.
Here was the place between life and death. He knew his soul had left his body, that all he was now was a soul. Slowly, his new awareness and senses, if he could call them that, brought him knowledge of his surroundings. Luminescence, like light seen through closed eyelids. Sound. A rushing, scourging noise, distant and contained. The void, he assumed.
He moved towards the luminescence. It was the only thing in his new reality. Anywhere else he cast his senses, there was nothing at all. He needed to know more. The closer he came, the greater his understanding. Here was a doorway. That meant he was floating in the chamber in the catacombs. The doorway was open. Through it, he could distinctly sense a pathway. That meant his death had indeed completed the spell.
He reached out further. Energy encased the door. Strands of it, keeping it steady while the void beating around outside it fought to snap it shut. He could sense the void more definitely now. A seething ocean of random energies revealed as flecks of yellow-gold and deep bronze in a sea of pale grey.
It was the flecks that added light to the passageway. They shone through its walls. Walls that were not solid, and if he had still possessed a body it would have been like walking on taut canvas. He came to the doorway and reached out.
For the first time he felt fear but it was ephemeral. A sudden clash of light and sound had startled him and he had no reference point for safety. But his act of reaching had triggered something. The pathway fled off to a point he could not make out. The chaotic sounds of the void became muted. And he heard voices. More shockingly, he could see his own hand and he stared down at the shapes it made as he trailed it in front of what he assumed were his eyes, or the soul’s equivalent.
‘Yes, yes, we all did that. Making blurry motions with our shiny new limbs.’
Sol — he thought of himself as Sol again — turned in the doorway. Shapes were approaching. Like silhouettes formed of a grey light. Slowly, they resolved themselves as they walked towards him. But even if he didn’t recognise their shapes yet, he knew the voice.
‘Hirad?’
‘Yes. Me. Us. Ilkar, Sirendor, Thraun. And a few others who might come in handy although I don’t really know how fighting is done here.’
‘Where are we?’ asked Sol. ‘Why do you appear to be walking? I thought souls had no physical form.’
‘Interesting, isn’t it? I think we’re still technically on Balaia at the moment, by the way.’ Ilkar. ‘It happened the first time I died too. I think the mind can’t stop working the way it does when you’re alive. Not for a while, anyway. When I got to my rest, this body stuff all faded away and everything changed to bliss.’
‘Same here,’ said Sirendor.
‘What now?’ asked Sol.
‘You opened the door and you must be the first through it. Then others can follow.’ Thraun.
‘And it leads to Ulandeneth?’
‘We’d better bloody hope so,’ said Hirad. ‘Or Diera is going to be seriously unimpressed with your sacrifice.’
‘That is where it leads, though the pathway is dangerous.’
Another new voice. Other figures were approaching but a little distant yet.
‘Then we should go,’ said Sol.
He moved inside the pathway. All at once he heard a sigh as of a thousand voices finding comfort together.
‘What was that?’ he asked.
