Enough, Stand forth and consummate the interchange. (While McDonald and Pitts-Stevens modestly turn their backs, the latter blushing a delicate shrimp-pink, St. John and Mrs. Hayes effect an exchange of immortal parts. When the transfer is complete McDonald turns and advances, uncorking a bottle of Vinegar Bitters.) MCDONALD (chanting): Nectar compounded of simples Cocted in Stygian shades— Acids of wrinkles and pimples From faces of ancient maids— Acrid precipitates sunken From tempers of scolding wives Whose husbands, uncommonly drunken, Are commonly found in dives,— With this I baptize and appoint thee (to St. John.) To marshal the vinophobe ranks. In the name of Dambosh I anoint thee (pours the liquid down St. John's back.) As King of aquatical cranks! (The liquid blisters the royal back, and His Majesty starts on a dead run, energetically exclaiming. Exit St. John.) MRS. HAYES:
My soul! My soul! I'll never get it back Unless I follow nimbly on his track. (Exit Mrs. Hayes.) PITTS-STEVENS:
O my! he's such a beautiful young man! I'll follow, too, and catch him if I can. (Exit Pitts- Stevens.) MCDONALD:
He scarce is visible, his dust so great! Methinks for so obscure a candidate He runs quite well. But as for Prohibition— I mean myself to hold the first position. (Produces a pocket flask, topes a cruel quantity of double-distilled thunder-and-lightning out of it, smiles so grimly as to darken all the stage and sings): Though fortunes vary let all be merry, And then if e'er a disaster befall, At Styx's ferry is Charon's wherry In easy call. Upon a ripple of golden tipple That tipsy ship'll convey you best. To king and cripple, the bottle's the nipple Of Nature's breast! (Curtain.) DRAMATIS PERSON?.
HAYSEED a Granger
NOZZLE a Miner
RINGDIVVY a Statesman
FEEGOBBLE a Lawyer
JUNKET a Committee
Scene—Yuba Dam.
Feegobble, Ringdivvy, Nozzle.
NOZZLE:
My friends, since '51 I have pursued The evil tenor of my watery way, Removing hills as by an act of faith— RINGDIVVY:
Just so; the steadfast faith of those who hold, In foreign lands beyond the Eastern sea, The shares in your concern—a simple, blind, Unreasoning belief in dividends, Still stimulated by assessments which, When the skies fall, ensnaring all the larks, Will bring, no doubt, a very great return. ALL (singing): O the beautiful assessment, The exquisite assessment, The regular assessment, That makes the water flow. RINGDIVVY:
