the answer: I felt as though I was running out of time to ask her the truth.
There was a jug of water at my bedside. I felt queasy just looking at it. I needed something stronger.
Someone had put a saline drip in me again; I couldn’t recall any of it.
My clothes hung on a rail at the side of the bed. I was tempted to dress and depart but my head hurt too much; I wasn’t functioning. Wondered had they medicated me?
As I sat up in the bed a nurse at the end of the ward stirred and approached me.
‘Back in the land of the living are you?’ she said.
I winced – too close to home, said, ‘Doesn’t feel like it.’
A frown. ‘Well, I’d say this is about as good as it gets for you right now, Mr Dury.’
The thought burned. ‘Oh, right…’
‘You’re in a terrible condition… We got hold of your records, there’s no telling you, is there?’
Did that require an answer? The look on her face, I doubted it. She was wearing me down.
‘How long have I been here?’
Full-on head shakes. ‘You came in with the paramedics about two hours ago. The doctor’s seen you once, so he won’t be back until tomorrow now, unless there’s an emergency.’
‘Emergency?’
‘You’re in a terrible condition, Mr Dury… like I said.’
Way I felt, I didn’t doubt her. ‘Thanks for passing that on.’
She turned heels, left for the door.
I wasn’t about to wait for her to return. My mind was resurfacing; the memory of Amy getting into the car with Danny Gemmill flashed like headlights. I needed to get moving. Christ, what had I let that girl get herself into? I knew what Gemmill was capable of: Amy was wading into some serious shit. I’d fucked up… falling in the street and getting carted away by an ambulance! Holy Christ, Gus, this was a new low. But it was Amy who would be paying the price of it.
I got up, grabbed my mobi from my jacket pocket.
Dialled.
‘Hod, that you?’
‘Aye, aye… where the fuck you been?’
‘Never mind that. I need a pick-up.’
‘Y’what?’
‘Look, get hold of Mac as well… We’ll need some back-up.’
‘I don’t like the sound of this, Gus.’ Normally, any hint of a rumble had Hod rubbing palms together. Funny how he’d changed.
‘Neither do I.’
‘I’m not sure, I mean… Gus, I’m lying low… Don’t want to run into Shaky.’
I could see he was going to take some persuading. ‘Hod, I have to tell you something. Now, you’re not going to like this…’
His voice dropped to the pitch above whisper: ‘Go on.’
‘It’s Amy-’
‘Amy! Fucking hell, Gus, you said you’d keep her out of this.’
‘I know. I know… but Amy’s Amy. You can’t put a bloody lead on her.’
‘Jesus… I don’t like the sound of this.’
I took a sharp intake of breath, said, ‘Well, you’ll like the sound of this even less. I saw her taking off with Gemmill about a couple of hours ago.’
‘And now you come to me!’
I could feel Hod’s anger searing down the line.
‘Yeah, well… I got waylaid; sidetracked, you might say.’
‘What you on about?’
I filled him in, told him where I was. Thought it might cut me some slack; it did, kinda. Sensed Hod felt he’d two problems to take care of now.
‘Gus… you need to haud yer steam. This is becoming a habit.’
Like I needed telling. ‘Yeah, okay.’
‘I’m serious, man. Next time it won’t be the hospital – they’ll be taking you straight to the morgue.’
It was a lovely image. ‘Thanks for that, mate.’
‘If I won’t tell you… who will?’
I walked back to the clothes rail, pulled down the hanger with my tweed jacket and trousers, said, ‘Right, message received and understood… Get your arse into gear. I’ll see you and Mac out the front in five to ten.’
Swear I could see him shaking his head. Nothing was shaping up like he’d intended – wondered if he regretted getting me on the job. Christ, he probably regretted even getting the cards printed.
Made an arse of pulling out the drip again, but was relieved not to break the needle this time. Soon as I chucked it, the shakes came back to my hands. It felt like I’d been lucky to hold them off. I dressed hurriedly, struggled on the shirt buttons and belt buckle but got there. The Docs were another matter altogether, gave up on the laces, tucked them in.
An old bloke in striped flannel pyjamas, open to the waist and exposing a bony chest, raised himself up. ‘You’ll break yer bloody neck, son.’
My heart seared when he called to me, said, ‘That’s the least of my worries.’
‘Ye cannae go out with yer laces flapping aboot… Here, put yer boots up.’ He motioned to the edge of his bed, tapping the blanket.
I felt blown away by his kindness; walked over and raised my boot. The motion nearly felled me and I had to sit on the edge of my bed to steady myself.
The old bloke said, ‘You sure yer fit for this, lad?’
‘Oh aye, I’m right as rain.’
He widened his eyes, looked over the bridge of his craggy nose as he tied my bootlaces. ‘Well, it’s no’ for me to stick my oar in.’
He tapped the bed for the second boot. As I watched him, I put his age at mid-eighties. He was a rare character. Had I more time to play with, I wouldn’t have minded spending it in his company, but try as I might, the thoughts of Amy and Gemmill wouldn’t subside.
‘Thanks very much,’ I said, ‘very kind of you.’
He smiled at me, a broad toothless smirk. I fired him one back. Could feel the gaps in my mouth where my bridgework had taken a flyer; thought I must look a sight.
I stumbled out the ward, and past the reception desk at the front door.
Sparked up a Regal in the car park as I waited for Hod and Mac to appear. My hands shook so hard now that I could hardly get the tab to my gob without gripping my forearm and grasping for the filter-tip as if I was dooking for apples. Sorry state indeed.
I was on the third tab, though thinking of something much stronger, when Hod and Mac appeared. Hod was driving, chucking the van into the bends and pushing the revs. The vehicle didn’t look like it could handle much more of that punishment – the lean so extreme that the shocks screeched as though they’d entered their death throes.
The pair glowered at me as they pulled up. Mac leaned out the open window; his face held firm, stony. ‘Fucking hell, Dury… you got a death wish?’
‘Yeah. Yeah,’ I barked back – let them know early on that I wasn’t for taking any shit on this. I’d done my best to stop her. Was it my fault that she was out of control? I didn’t want to know the answer to that.
Mac opened the door then slunk back beside Hod. ‘I’m no’ on about the hospital… I’m on about Gemmill. Are you off yer fucking dial mixing it with the likes of yon?’
‘He has Amy.’
‘Aye, so fucking what? If that daft wee sow’s no’ got the marbles to-’
I cut him off, ‘Shut the fuck up, Mac.’
The pair of them looked at me. Hod spoke: ‘Getting a bit protective, Gus?… Bit late in the day for that, isn’t it?’
