Carolyn, from the Caroline. Another name for my Eighth Step list, I thought, if I stayed sober long enough to write one.
“You didn’t pour it for yourself, Matt, and you’re not in the middle of a drunk dream either. You went out this morning, and that was waiting for you when you got back. You know what happened.”
“I left the door locked.”
“So?”
“It wouldn’t be that hard to swipe a key from behind the desk. Or to open the door without one.”
“And?”
“And somebody came into my room,” I said, “and brought a bottle with him.”
“And a glass from Armstrong’s.”
“It could have been from anyplace. Half the bars in the city have that kind of rocks glass.”
“So he brought a bottle and a glass.”
“And set the stage,” I said. “Poured a drink. Left the bottle there, with the cap off.”
“Just the one glass. Inconsiderate bastard, wasn’t he? Suppose you had company?”
I said, “Jim, he wanted me to drink.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No.”
“You didn’t even want to, did you?”
I thought about it. “No,” I said, “I didn’t. But at the same time I couldn’t take my eyes off it. I felt like a bird hypnotized by a snake.”
“Stands to reason.”
“I found the thought of drinking it terrifying. As if it might jump off the desk and pour itself down my throat. As if it had that power.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It was magnetic,” I said. “I didn’t want it, but I was drawn to it anyway.”
“You’re an alcoholic,” he said.
“Well, we knew that.”
“Yeah, and we just got some more evidence, in case we entertained the slightest doubt.”
“I wanted to pour it down the sink,” I said.
“Better than keeping it around.”
“But I was afraid to go near it. I didn’t want to take a step in that direction, let alone pick it up.”
“You were right.”
“I was? Isn’t it crazy, giving the shit that kind of power?”
“It’s already got the power.”
“I guess.”
“The way you give it more power,” he said, “is by picking it up and drinking it. And the first step in picking it up and drinking it is picking it up at all.”
“So I left it there.”
“And locked the door on it. What time is it? Shit.”
“What’s the matter?”
“This isn’t something for you to do all by yourself,” he said. “I’d go with you after the meeting, assuming I can wrap this up in time to go to the meeting, but I don’t like the idea of letting it sit there for the next few hours. Or letting you sit somewhere between now and meeting time, locked out of your room and with no place to go. I’d come over now, but—”
“No, you’ve got work to do.”
“It would be really inconvenient to leave now. You’ve got phone numbers, right? People in the program, people who live nearby?”
“Sure.”
“And you’ve got quarters.”
“And subway tokens,” I said, “though I can’t see how one of those will come in handy right now.”
“You never know. You’re where? Down the block from your hotel?”
“Five blocks away. It took me that long to find a working phone without somebody already using it.”
“Make some calls. Get somebody to keep you company, and call me as soon as you pour out the booze. Will you do that?”
