What Color Is Your Parachute?

off down the line. They approach networking as something almost magical, based on the flimsy belief: “He or she who ends up with the most business cards, will be most successful in their job- hunt.”

Job-hunters will “friend” reflexively on Facebook and “link” with everyone they can think of on LinkedIn, trying to collect as many names as possible.

And if you ask them why they are doing this, they will reply that they’ve been told that that is what they are supposed to do, when they’re looking for work: networking.

THE VIRTUES OF NETWORKING

I certainly understand where this preoccupation with networking came from. I have made it a hobby for years to ask people I encounter in my daily life, “How did you get your job here?” Waiters and waitresses, retail store clerks, supermarket check-out people, computer store salespeople—you name it.

And nine times out of ten, they will say that some person—friend, family member, school chum, doctor, some friend on Facebook, some link on LinkedIn, some total stranger they accidentally met— got them that job. Either that person worked there, too, or used to work there, or knew somebody who worked there.

So, it all comes down to this: when you set out job-hunting, there is a gap between you and a job. That gap may be filled by anything: a job posting on the Internet, your resume, you name it.

Most often, however, it is filled by a person. Yes, into that gap comes a person. A person who is a kind of bridge. A bridge between you and an employer you’re interested in. They know you; they know them. They thus bridge the gap between you and them. Your chances of getting a job there, increase. Thanks to this “bridge-person.” That is how most jobs get filled.

Knowing this when you first begin your job-hunt, you will of course give priority to searching for such “bridge-persons,” even before you know what you are going to need them for. That search is called networking. It is the collection of names now, for the purpose of picking out from among them the “bridge-persons” you discover you will need, later. (Incidentally, before social media became popular these people were called “your contacts.” Now they are more popularly called “your links” or “friends.” I prefer to call them, as is obvious, your “bridge-people.”)

THE DEFECTS OF NETWORKING

A “bridge-person” is always very specific to a particular job, person, or organization. No one is a “bridge” to everyone. They’ve got to know you. They’ve got to know this other specific person. You’ll probably need a different “bridge” to each employer that interests you. So, unless or until you’ve done the necessary homework so you can define who, networking is little better than just blind luck.

The plea that job-hunters traditionally use early on, with their network—when they haven’t yet figured out where they’re trying to go next with their lives—is to say to their network, “I’m out of work. If you hear of anything, please let me know.”

It’s hard to know who would be a useful bridge-person between you and anything. You need to be more specific.

Otherwise, searching for a bridge to anything ends up being a bridge to nowhere. Your carefully collected stack of business cards is left just blowin’ in the wind.

Many job-hunters don’t care for networking, because it feels like they’re just using people. This is a common feeling among ethical people. That kind of sesnsitivity is of course to be saluted and celebrated, in a world that all too often revolves around me.

But let’s step back a little, and think about human relationships. For, networking is just one activity between humans, isn’t it? Let’s think, for a moment, about all human relationships. The first thing that strikes us is that we are born for community. Fish swim in water, humans swim in a social context. From our birth, we are part of a community. By definition, a community is a bunch of people who have something in common. That may be: a common blood bond, a common geography, common interests, common problems, common identity, common goals, and so on. Bound together by what we have in common, we then interact with each other, complement each other, supplement each other.

When we encounter problems, we may be able to solve them by ourselves: just me, myself, and I. But sometimes, problems can only be solved when two or more people work together on that problem. We may each have one piece of the solution in our hands, but only one piece.

So, we need each other. And as we grow older and mature, we learn that there are two sides to every relationship: not just take, but also give. Not just give, but also take. Here are some examples:

Your Relationship	What You Give to Them	What They Give to You
To Your Mother and Father	Devotion, love, time, thanks, and (in their old age) care	Love, nurture, upbringing, teaching, support when you are out of work
To Your Brothers & Sisters	Time, listening, loyalty	Staying in touch, play, joy
To Your Teachers or Professors	Curiosity, willingness to learn, your opinions, attention	Their experience, training, knowledge, resources, perspective
To Your Partner or Mate	Love, time, priority, faithfulness, support, equality, openness to their insights, children (it may be)	Love, time, priority, faithfulness, support, equality, openness to their insights, children (it may be)
To Your Children	Love, nurture, upbringing, teaching, support when they are out of work	Love, celebration, thanks, shared lives, and (in your old age) care