“Damian?”
“I think a little over six hundred.”
Maggie felt a small stab in the chest. “I’ll take care of it.” Then she asked, “Besides borrowing from you all, how does he get by?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Please, this is no time to cover for him. He’s in serious debt.”
There was hemming and hawing, then Anthony said, “I think he sometimes sells stuff.”
“Sells stuff? Like what?”
“Like his books. Sells them back to the bookstore. Clothes. I don’t know for sure.”
Maggie did her best to contain her shock. She had regularly sent Zack money, and he was borrowing from friends and selling textbooks. “I appreciate your candidness.” She pulled out her checkbook.
“You don’t have to do that, Mrs. Kashian,” Damian said.
“Thank you for your generosity,” she said, and wrote them each a check. “Please be honest with me. Do you think he … he has a gambling problem?” She stumbled as she nearly worded the question in the past tense.
Anthony’s eyes widened in exaggerated surprise. “Oh no, nothing like that.” And he looked to Damian and Geoff for help.
They shook their heads. “It’s not like we played every night or anything,” Geoff said.
“But something must account for all his debts. Please, if you know something, I’d appreciate your telling me.”
After an awkward silence, Damian said, “He may be playing online poker.”
She nodded and imagined Zack during the wee hours of the morning huddled over his laptop, half-deranged to beat the odds.
As if reading her mind, Anthony said, “Mrs. Kashian, I really don’t think he’s got a gambling problem. It’s more like his back’s to the wall and he plays to pay down creditors. But I seriously don’t think he’s addicted.”
“Hi,” said Kate as she entered the room.
She said hello to the three visitors, then went over and kissed Zack on the forehead. She then convinced Maggie to have lunch downstairs, leaving the three friends to sit with Zack. Anxiety had killed Maggie’s appetite, but she realized that she was becoming light-headed from hunger.
* * *
Half an hour later, they returned to the ICU. When she entered the cubicle, Maggie let out a cry. “What happened?”
Damian was leaning over Zack with his hand on Zack’s forehead. “I’m just putting some holy water on his forehead.”
“Holy water?” For a shuddering moment, the figure of Damian dabbing Zack’s forehead filled Maggie with horror that Zack was being given last rites.
“He’s okay,” Kate said. “He’s still asleep. Look at the monitors.”
Maggie stared stupidly at them until her mind caught up. Then she snapped her head at Damian. “Please don’t do that,” she said. “We’re not religious.”
Before she could continue, Kate cut in. “That’s very nice of you, Damian. Thank you.” She put her arm around Maggie, giving her a squeeze to cool it.
Maggie said nothing, but she eyed Damian and the small vial with apprehension. Her disdain for all things religious was palpable. And religious people made her uncomfortable.
A nurse burst into the room. “Is everything all right in here?” She had heard the commotion.
“Yes, everything’s fine.”
The nurse studied everybody, then checked Zack and the monitors and IV and straightened out his covering as an awkward silence settled over the scene like a skim of ice. Breaking the silence, Kate asked the nurse if there was anything she could do to help.
“Actually, it would help if the next time you brought in a pair of sneakers.”
“Sneakers?” Maggie said.
“To protect his feet. God forbid, if his condition persists, his feet will contract. We exercise them, of course, but the shoes keep the toes from balling up.”
“But he’ll wake up, won’t he?” The syllables choked out of Maggie.
“I’m sure he will. It’s just a precautionary measure.”
Maggie nodded and gave the woman a toxic look to leave the room. She did, and a menacing silence resettled on their collective horror of Zack remaining in a state of indefinite unconsciousness, wearing Nikes to prevent his feet from curling into claws. After a spell, Anthony nodded to Geoff and Damian and announced they were going to leave.
“No offense,” Damian said, “but I’m wondering if first we could say a little prayer for Zack.”
Before Maggie could respond, Kate said, “I think that would be very nice.”
Maggie nodded. “Fine.” A little prayer wouldn’t hurt, she told herself. And it would make up for her overreaction.
“Thank you,” Damian said, then asked everyone to join hands around Zack’s bed.
The moment was awkward, and Maggie felt a tinge of discomfort, uncertain if it was guilt for her falling away from her Catholic upbringing or for betraying her conviction that religion was a sham.
“We join our hearts to thank You, Heavenly Father, for Zack’s salvation. He lies in a coma, and we pray that You show Your healing powers and restore him…”
While he continued, Maggie glanced around the room. Anthony and Geoff were standing with their eyes closed, hands joined to Kate, who also kept her eyes closed. As Maggie’s eyes came to rest on Zack, she wished Damian would wrap this up.
“We also pray that You protect his mother and other family members and friends and bring them comfort and hope as they wait and suffer in uncertainty.”
Despite herself, Maggie let out a whimper of despair.
“We know that Your Holy Spirit can work miracles and we ask that You restore Zack from his sleep to pursue the great plans You have for him. We ask in the name of Christ Jesus—”
Suddenly Maggie broke. “What miracles? There aren’t any. There is no God. Only dumb, stupid luck.” She was crying freely now.
Damian hesitated for a moment in shock. Then in a low voice he said, “You really can’t be certain of that.”
“Where was He for Jake, huh? I prayed with all my heart that God would protect him, and he was killed by two monsters. Where was God then?”
“Maybe for prayers to work you have to believe in them.”
“I
“I have faith.”
“Well, I
Kate tried to cut her off, but Maggie continued. “If prayers worked, every coma patient in the world would wake up. Every cancer patient would heal. Every cripple would walk.”
“God’s healing is not always evident.”
Kate tried again to interrupt, but Maggie could not let go, her despair morphing into anger. “It’s never evident. Show me a real miracle—make Zack wake up—and I’ll believe.”
“There’s always hope,” said Damian.
“Bull.”
“Maggie, that’s enough!”
But she disregarded Kate. “If something good happens, people claim their prayer was answered. If something bad happens, it’s because your prayer wasn’t good enough. It’s all a sham. God’s a sham.”
A stunned silence fell over the room as the others gawked at Maggie and Damian. Finally Kate put her arm around Maggie.
Maggie looked up to see the dull hurt in Damian’s face and felt the malice drain from her. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You meant well. I just…” But she could not finish her statement.
Damian smiled weakly. “I understand, and I’m sorry.”
