«That was at first. That was when I had just begun my service and the talks were so new and exciting that I accepted what was happening without question. But soon something very unpleasant began to take place. This will sound odd Wil, but I began to lose myself in her. I began to lose all sense of who I was. I wasn’t me anymore; I was an extension of her. I still do not know if that was intentional on her part or merely the natural result of our close relationship. At the time, I believed it intentional. I grew frightened of what was happening to me — frightened and then angry Was I expected as a Chosen to forgo my own personality, my own identity, in order to satisfy her needs? I was being toyed with, I felt; I was being used. It was wrong.
«The rest of the Chosen began to see a change in me. They began to suspect, I think, that there was something different about my relationship with the Ellcrys. I felt them avoiding me; I felt them watching. All the while, I was losing myself in her — a little more of me gone with every day. I was determined to stop it. I began avoiding her as the other Chosen avoided me. I refused to go to her when she asked; I sent another in my stead. When she asked me what was wrong, I would not tell her. I was frightened of her; I was ashamed of myself; I was angry at the whole situation.»
Her mouth tightened. «At last I decided that the real problem was that I was never meant to be a Chosen. I did not seem able to cope with the responsibility, to understand what was expected of me. She had done something for me that she had done for no other Chosen — a wondrous, marvelous thing — and I could not accept it. It was wrong that I should feel this way; none of the others would have reacted as I had. My selection as a Chosen had been a mistake.
«So, I left, Wil, barely a month after my choosing. I told my mother and my grandfather that I was leaving, that I could no longer continue to serve. I did not tell them why. I could not bring myself to do that. Failing as a Chosen was bad enough. But to fail because she had made demands on me that anyone else would have been pleased to meet — no. I could admit to myself what had happened between the Ellcrys and me, but I could not admit it to anyone else. My mother seemed to understand. My grandfather did not. There were harsh words exchanged that left us both bitter. I went out of Arborlon disgraced in my own eyes as well as in the eyes of my family and my people, determined that I would not come back again. I swore an Elven vow of outland service; I would make my home in one of the other lands and teach what I knew of the care and preservation of the earth and her life. I traveled until I found Havenstead. That became my home.»
There were tears in her eyes. «But I was wrong. I can say that now — I must say it. I walked away from a responsibility that was mine. I walked away from my fears and my frustrations. I disappointed everyone and in the end, I left my companion Chosen to die without me.»
«You judge yourself too harshly,” Wil admonished her.
«Do I?» Her mouth twisted. «I am afraid that I do not judge myself harshly enough. If I had remained in Arborlon, perhaps the Ellcrys would have spoken sooner of her dying. I was the one to whom she had spoken before — not the others. They did not even realize what had taken place. She might have spoken to me, soon enough that the Bloodfire could have been found and the seed planted before the Forbidding began to crumble and the Demons to break through. Don’t you see, Wil? If that is so, then all the Elven dead must be on my conscience.»
«It is equally possible,” the Valeman pointed out, «that had you not gone out from Arborlon, but remained as you suggest, the warning from the Ellcrys would have come no sooner than it did. Then you would lie dead with the others and be of no use whatsoever to the Elves still living.»
«You are asking me to justify my actions through the convenience of hindsight.»
He shook his head. «I am asking you not to use hindsight to second — guess what is past. Perhaps it was intended that matters should work out the way they have. You cannot know.» His voice hardened. «Now listen to me a minute. Suppose that the Ellcrys had decided to select another of your companion Chosen as the one to whom she would speak. Would that Chosen have reacted any differently from the way you did to the experience? Would another have been immune to the emotions that affected you? I do not think so, Amberle. I know you. Maybe I know you better than anyone, after what we have been through. You have strength of character, you have conviction and, despite what you say, you have determination.»
He took her chin in his hand and held it. «I do not know anyone — anyone, Amberle — who would have weathered this journey and all its perils any better than you have. I think that it is time for me to tell you what you are so fond of telling me. Believe in yourself. Stop doubting. Stop second — guessing. Just believe. Put a little trust in yourself. Amberle, you merit that trust.»
She was crying openly, silently. «I do care for you.»
«And I for you.» He kissed her forehead, no longer doubting. «Very much.»
She lowered her head against his shoulder, and he held her. When she looked up at him again, the tears were gone.
«I want you to promise me something,” she told him.
«All right.»
«I want you to promise me that you will make certain that I see this quest through to its conclusion — that I do not falter, that I do not stray, that I do not fail to do what I came to do. Be my strength and my conscience. Promise me.»
He smiled gently. «I promise.»
«I am still afraid,” she confessed softly.
At the door to their cell, Eretria stood up. «Healer!»
Wil scrambled to his feet, Amberle with him, and together they hurried over to join the Rover girl. Her black eyes danced. Wordlessly she slipped the metal rod from the keyhole and returned it to her boot. Then with a wink at the Valeman, she grasped the iron bars to the cell door and pulled. The door swung silently open.
Wil Ohmsford gave her a triumphant grin. Now if they could only find Wisp.
Chapter Forty–Five
They found him almost immediately. They had left the cell, moved to the bottom of the stairway, and were peering upward tentatively into the gloom of the passageway when they heard the sound of approaching footfalls. Quickly Wil motioned Eretria to one side of the passage opening, while drawing Amberle back against the other. Flattened against the stone, they waited expectantly as the footsteps drew closer, a light, familiar scuttling sound that Wil recognized at once.
Seconds later, Wisp’s wizened face poked out of the darkness of the passage.
«Pretty one, hello, hello. Talk with Wisp?»
Wil’s hand latched firmly onto his neck. Wisp gasped in fright, struggling madly to break free as the Valeman lifted him clear of the floor.
«Keep still!» Wil whispered in warning, yanking the little fellow about so that he could see who had him.
Wisp’s eyes went wide. «No, no, cannot leave!»
«Be quiet!» Wil shook him until he was still. «One more word, and I will snap your neck, Wisp.»
Wisp nodded frantically, his wiry form squirming in the Valeman’s grip. Wil dropped to one knee, lowering his captive to the floor again, still holding tightly to his neck. Wisp’s eyes were like saucers.
«Now listen carefully, Wisp,” the Valeman said. «I want the Elfstones back again, and you are going to show me what the Witch has done with them. Do you understand?»
Wisp shook his head violently. «Wisp serves the Lady! Cannot leave!»
«In a box, you said.» Wil ignored him. «Take me to where she keeps that box.»
«Wisp serves the lady! Wisp serves the Lady!» the little fellow repeated in desperation. «You stay! Go back!»
Wil was momentarily at a loss. Then Eretria stepped forward, her dark face just inches from Wisp’s. The dagger flashed from her boot and fastened against the little fellow’s throat.
«Listen, you little furball!» she said. «If you do not take us to the Elfstones at once, I will cut your throat from one ear to the other. You won’t serve anybody then.»
Wisp grimaced horribly. «Don’t hurt Wisp, pretty one. Like you, pretty one. Care for you. Don’t hurt Wisp.»
