‘Can you chivvy the children?’ Since Nathan did not move I went and shouted to them up the stairs. ‘Thanks,’ I snapped at him on my return.
‘Have you read it?’ Nathan carved a slice of moist white flesh.
The question had been sprung with the quiet of the hunter. ‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because…’ I moved over to the sink and tipped the carrots into a colander. The steam batted me in the face.
‘Because,’ Nathan finished the carving, and arranged the chicken on an oval plate, ‘he is still with you. Or the idea of him.’
‘This is the one o’clock news,’ interposed the newscaster.
I transferred the carrots to a dish and put it in the oven to keep warm. Nathan and I had being going through a bad patch, but nothing too significant. We were tired and far too busy, that was all. The truth was that Nathan’s job was getting in the way of our family life, which was changing anyway, and my job was pretty demanding, but I reckoned we could weather the irritants. Even so, I did not consider the subject of Hal a good one to pursue. I said lightly, ‘That’s not true, Nathan. I don’t read his books because they don’t interest me.’
‘But it’s your business to read what you don’t necessarily like.’
I busied myself with chopping parsley. ‘Not always.’
‘Oh, Rosie, you’re such a bad liar.’
No, I’m not, I thought. I’m a brilliant, accomplished liar. But I have always lied for a good cause, the best of reasons. When Nathan moved towards me in the bed and I, having twisted and turned through a day of children’s cries, work’s demands and husband-soothing, thought, Sleep, sleep, peace. And he said something like, It’s been a long time, Rose. And I replied, still aching for sleep, Far, far too long. That was one of my best lies.
‘Why are you bringing all this up now, Nathan? It’s gone, finished. I married you, remember? We’re happy.’ I moved back to the stove and gave the gravy a quick whisk. ‘I couldn’t be happier.’
Nathan continued, as if I had not said anything, ‘Weren’t you going to travel through the desert with him?’
‘There was talk of it at one point, but it came to nothing. It was a very long time ago. Please, go and call the children again or lunch will get cold.’
Nathan dropped the carving knife and fork with a clatter that cut through the mutter of the radio. ‘Call them yourself.’ He swung on his heel and left the kitchen.
I knew where to find him: in his study. Hands folded in his lap, he was sitting at the desk, staring at the neat pile of bills and family documents. There were tears in his eyes, tears that were almost certainly my fault but I did not know what they were for.
I stood with my hands on my hips. ‘Nathan, you’re making more of Hal than I ever have. It’s become a habit, an excuse. You know perfectly well that as a subject Hal could not be more dead.’
Nathan shrugged. It was a gesture that begged for the balm of reassurance and comfort. I knelt beside him, took his hands in mine and kissed them. ‘Nathan, you could not be more wrong.’
A sixth sense prompted me to look up. Minty was walking towards me, as purposefully as her kitten heels would permit. She came to a halt by my chair.
At first, I refused to look at her. Then I did.
She was sleek with triumph and secret pleasure, or so it seemed to me, the Rose with new vision. Cowering was not Minty’s style, and I had always admired her courage. That, and the slender body under the white tank top and tiny black skirt. Her beauty and promise were handled… how? With the confidence of a woman whose generation did not understand why feminism had been necessary.
‘Please leave,’ I said. ‘I’ve asked for you to be transferred, if not sacked. Didn’t Timon phone you?’
‘Yes, he did.’ She moved across to her desk and flipped on the screen. ‘I considered not showing, but I thought I owed it to you to face you, and you can call me any name you like. So now I have, and I’m getting out for the time being, but just before I quit the battlefield, I’ll check my e-mails.’ Cool and efficient, she typed in her password.
‘Why?’ I asked her. ‘We were friends.’
‘Of course.’ She executed a couple of commands, peered at the screen, then signed off.
‘I gave you your break.’
‘And I’ve thanked you for it, Rose, more than once. Do I have to be grateful for the rest of my life?’ She opened her drawer and took out her contacts book and diary, which she dropped into her bag. ‘Why don’t we talk about the real subject of this conversation? Nathan was there for the taking, Rose. Ask him.’
‘Nathan was perfectly happy.’
Her dark eyes did not blink. ‘He says not He says he needs some attention. I give it to him.’
Suddenly I was fearful for Minty. And you believed him? I thought you were so sharp.’
Minty got to her feet. ‘You can say what you like, Rose, but it won’t change anything.’
I wanted the words to cease, and craved the mercy of silence. I wanted to give in to despair, to crawl away, lie down and die, like a diseased pie-dog in the sun. But if I did that, I would be yielding every advantage to Minty. It was not as if Nathan and I had grown miles apart and there was nothing left. It was not like that at all. I had memories, joyous and nourishing, of a good, happy family that Nathan and I had built brick by brick. Good, strong achievements, for which it was worth fighting.
I pushed myself upright wearily. ‘You’re interfering in something you don’t understand. You don’t know the truth about our marriage, whatever Nathan may have told you.’ Minty leant back on the desk and transcribed a circle on the carpet with a slender foot. It infuriated and terrified me. I added, ‘He only says that for the obvious reason.’
‘He could get that anyway. No lies necessary’
‘Oh, God.’ I dropped back into the chair.
The hope that this episode was a minor one, through which Nathan and I would struggle, vanished and with it the flare of hope that I could mastermind this… test. If Nathan had lied through his teeth to gain occupancy of Minty’s body then I would have wept, burned and forgiven him. But this.
‘Was it you… or him?’ I looked down at my naked hand. ‘Who?’
She understood. ‘It was me, Rose. I’ve always liked Nathan. He’s a nice man, a wonderful man, a pussy-cat, who happens to be rather powerful. It was a fling at first, nothing for you to worry about and I wasn’t ever going to let you know. Then it became more… complicated and I’m afraid you had to be told.’
‘He is wonderful,’ I said.
‘What a pity you didn’t tell him,’ Minty reflected. ‘But I shall.’
Her arrogance was astonishing. I concentrated on the one aspect of this cold little history with which I felt I could cope. ‘And you carried on working with me?’
‘It never does to mix things up. It’s a bad habit.’ She checked the contents of her bag and picked it up. Tor what it’s worth, Rose, I’m sorry it was you. I wish it had been anybody else.’
At eleven thirty sharp I knocked on Timon’s door -editors were allowed doors – and was told to enter.
Timon watched me cross the carpet towards his over-sized desk. ‘You don’t look well, Rose.’ He brushed aside my apologies for ringing him on a Sunday and told me to sit down.
‘Nathan came to see you. How was he?’ I asked.
Timon rearranged his papers, which, on the vast desktop, appeared like postage stamps. ‘It’s not easy for anyone. However, I have now had a chance to appraise the situation.’
‘I’m sure you agree that I cannot work with Minty’
Timon picked up a pen and drew a large circle on a notepad with a bright pink cover. ‘I want to get this sorted out quickly’
‘OK.’ I was riveted by the bright colour, which fragmented in front of my tired eyes.
Timon drew a second, less perfect circle. ‘I am sorry you have run against rocks in your private life. Believe me, we have all been there.’ He looked up, and his scrutiny was modulated neither by pity nor understanding. ‘The fact is, we have been taking a good, hard look at the books pages. They need a revamp. As you know, if I had my way we would probably dump them as they have no advertising pull.’
This was not the conversation for which I had nerved myself, but if that was what Timon wanted, I would summon my energy and play ball. I had facts and figures at my fingertips and I launched into them, but Timon cut
