“Why?”
“It…was the right thing to do. At the time. It all worked out, anyway.”
“And then?”
“Huh?”
“You said first. What was next?”
“Oh. When I was still trapped. I actually got, um, a little strange after a while. I tried to sing myself all the old Imperial scout camp songs that I could remember, from when I was a spotty whelp. And then the rude versions. Except I couldn’t remember enough of them, and then I ran out.” He added after a minute, “But then, I was alone.” And after another minute, “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but I kinda wish I was alone again. And you…back in our bed, maybe. Sleeping dreamlessly.”
She returned his apologetic hug. “Same to you.”
“Let’s be sensible and wish for both of us there, while we’re wishing. I mean, it’s not like wishes are rationed.”
“Good point.” Except…she was glad he wasn’t alone to face this unnerving reminder of what sounded, despite his making light of it, like the most terrifying hours of his younger life. It was not an erotic moment; imminent death by suffocation was a bit of a mood-killer. But it was good to just sit, not going anywhere, cuddling contentedly.
“Tej…” he said, and his voice was oddly uncertain. “There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while.”
She blinked into the crowding shadows. “Now would probably be a good time to get it in, yeah.”
He drew a long, long breath. It must be important; they’d both been breathing shallowly, when they’d remembered to. “Tej. Will you stay with me for the rest of my life?”
At the little jump of the laugh in her chest, his encircling arm tightened, heartened and heartening. He’d intended her to laugh, she guessed. Ivan Xav was good at that, it occurred to her. Making light in dark places.
“That…might not be too hard a commitment, I suppose. Right now.”
“Well, it’s not the sort of question a fellow wants to take a chance with, you know.” His voice was rueful.
They were both, she noticed, holding on harder. How much courage had that question taken? More than the first time he’d asked, she suspected. She turned her head to watch his profile, looking out into the shadows of the chamber. “Where would I go? Upstairs?”
“I would follow you to the ends of the bunker,” he promised.
Which kind of was the ends of their universe, currently. Who could promise more?
She, too, drew a long breath, because he was worth it. “Do you know what the third thing was I was going to ask you if I’d won our bet? Which I did do, just pointing that out.”
“Tell me, my little wheeler-dealer.”
“I was going to ask if I could stay with you. When my family left.”
“Ah.” His voice brightened; his lips curved up. “Now, isn’t that a happy coincidence.”
“ I thought so.” She hitched around and pillowed her head on his shoulder; he stroked her tangled curls.
If it seems too good to be true, her Dada had used to warn Tej, it probably is. A much lesser man than Ivan Xav might have appeared to offer escape enough from her beloved, overpowering, constricting, maddening family. Not quite anyone with a pulse, but such a choice had been scarily close a few times. And then she wouldn’t have this. Maybe only love gave you more than what you’d dealt for.
Oh. So that’s what this is. Oh…
So…if you spurned a miracle because it seemed to come too easily, would you ever get another? She suspected not.
Hang on to this one, then. Hang on for all you’re worth.
Their breathing slowed in their shared warmth; that was good. “You know what I like best about you, Ivan Xav?” she asked, newly shy in her illumination.
He turned his chin into her hair in an inquiring sort of way. “My shiny groundcar? My Vorish insouciance? My astounding sexual prowess? My…my mother? Dear God, you’re not taking me for the sake of getting my um- stepfather?”
“Well, I do like them both very much, but no. What I like best about you, Ivan Xav, is that you’re nice. And you make me laugh.” She smiled now, into his shoulder.
“That…doesn’t seem like much.” He sounded a bit taken aback.
“Yes,” she sighed, “but consider the context.”
He stared out into the dark room. “Ah,” he said after a minute. “Oh.”
Ivan Xav makes light for me. Even here. To the ends of their universe…maybe even to the ends of their lives. Where light would be wanted, she was pretty sure.
They both fell silent for a time, conserving heat together.
Tej stretched the crick in her neck, and said, “Remember the first thing you said to me?”
His face scrunched up. “ Hi, there, Nametag, I have this vase to go to Barrayar…? ”
She giggled. “No, after that. Do you recall that entire-never mind. But you made an indelible first impression.”
“So did you-you shot me.”
“No, Rish did.” Her breath caught at the name, and Ivan Xav went still; they both looked up toward the face of the lab with the tunnel entrance. But it remained very quiet on the floor above. Tej controlled her wobble; tried to recapture their fragile moment of peace, but maybe all such moments were fleeting. If the good ones fleet, so must the bad ones. If you don’t pack them up and carry them with you, like…like anti-treasures. “Well, we couldn’t let you get away. That would have been…a huge mistake.” Speaking of understatements. The greatest mistake of her life, and she wouldn’t even have known it. The chill of that thought was like some predatory shadow passing overhead…and passing on. He saved my life. In more ways than one. “No. It was about your first rule of picking up girls.”
“Don’t remember that,” he-lied prudently, she suspected.
“You said you’d never give up till I laughed.” She hesitated. “ She laughs, you live. ”
“I’d be willing to take that for a prophecy, right about now,” he admitted.
“The never give up part sounded good, too.”
“Yeah,” he sighed.
They rested, and waited.
Ivan thought he might have dozed off for a little, but biology ruled all things; thirst and a need to pee drove them both back upstairs all too soon. Together. Tej had said together. She had meant together, hadn’t she?
This time, yes. Thank God for do-overs.
Team Arqua, under the Baronne’s capable direction, had addressed biology’s most immediate demands. Several large plastic bins had been emptied of old clothing.
Some were now filled with turbid water, slowly settling. One was set up in a corner behind a stall made of yet more priceless boxes, adequate camp toilet and with a tightly fitting lid that they might have cause to be grateful for later. A drip-filter was measuring out drinks, rather slowly for the crowd, but sips were shared around in fine antique glassware, its gold leaf showing sigils suggesting the-alas, incomplete-set had been the personal property of the infamous Count Pierre “Le Sanguinaire” Vorruyter, that Ivan didn’t even attempt to mentally appraise.
Imola had returned, trousers soaked to his thighs; he sat back in his surly huddle and didn’t say much. The water was now lapping the outer wall of the bunker.
Shiv, Amiri, and Ivan then combined to switch the vacuum-handle to the other side of the door slab, and heave it back up into place, just beating the rising tide. The jagged seam around the slab grew dark and wet at a steady pace, creeping upward, but only a small dribble leaked through, to be captured by some mats found downstairs.
Ivan was impressed by Shiv’s level-headedness in this emergency, which set the tone and the example for his whole family, bluntly curbing the potential chaos. But then, anyone who had once suffered defeat by Admiral Aral Vorkosigan in a pitched space battle likely had much higher standards for emergencies than most mortals.
