Bloodtide

elp isself. Sigs sticks his hoity nose in the air n e goes, 'Well, Melanie, I found this one rattling his fingers on the kitchen cupboards.'

'Oh, oh, hoity-oinky oinky-toity,' I says. 'Is Lordship bought a pound of pork, e'd ave it fer is dinna, But the pound o pork picks up is fork – 'Your Lordship is fer dinna!''

Nuther time e finds this birdy thing plucking its feathers orf in is bed, n e really went mad. Groink. 'What's this doin here,' e screams, stamping about the place. 'I ates birds, I ATES fuckin birds!' e goes. They musta give im a fright once. Well, e'd a bin crosser if'n e knew – that was one o Dag's spies got shot down. Groink. Oink. Yeah, I does a bit for Dag – not as I'd tell my Sigs that, e ates that sort of thing. Makes me promise that I'll have nothin to do with the resistance, but me, I don mind lying in a good cause.

One thing's true alright – it's gettin' dangerous oinky-out there. King Conor, e's doin is best t'finish off the alfmen. Even my ol uman, e's nearly copped it more'n once. Groink. Face like that, e got less chance'n I ave! E oinky-got caught up by Conor's men, oinky-oinky, yus – stripped and searched, n they only let im go inna end cause the gibbets was all full up that day. Oh, yus, you got a harelip, you're up to ang. They ave these public killings – butcherins, they call it. Only real umans c'n be executed, see. Sigs, e's always on and on at me not t'go out, oinky- stay in, oinky-don do this, oinky-don do that. Scared I'll get done, an I will too, groink, course I will! But watcha do, sit at ome when folks need elp? My Sigs, e loves me n I loves im, too, but e's a selfish little git and I wouldn't ave is little soul, not for all the money is sister sends im!

Course e tries to make out e's all equal rights, men an alfmen, oinky-all together, but, groink! I'll believe that when e puts up a fight Groink. I reckon e's like a lot of em, they'd rather be tortured under Conor than ruled by alfmen. Stooopid monkeys. It's their turn next! You ear these stories. This fella who used to be a general ad bird's eyes, this other one as the back teeth of a goat. Back teeth's a good un – you can't oinky-see em! Course, it might be true, I mean itmight be true. But as likely all made up, groink, so's Conor as an excuse to chop oo e feels like.

There was another pogrom coupla days ago and I nearly cashed in me chips. Oinky-aye – I was out onna street wiv this bloke – bigwig, big name, sent by Dag. I keeps tellin em Sigs is no good, give im time I says. But they wants im. E's a big man once, they think e should be again.

Anyow, we was caught in this pogrom. Groink. This bloke I was with reckoned e was hundred per cent uman, but oo knows these days? You got a mole on yer back, yer an alfman. We wuz walkin along – bang! There wuz gunfire. There was folk rushin about, runnin, screamin. Stalls agoin over, fruit and veg, meat in the dust, dogs abarking, dogs a-shoutin! An screamin n shoutin n brayin n gruntin-oinky-oinky, n everywhere those orange splashes.

That's the pogrom police. Other soldiers, they wears the colour o the ground, but this lot, it ain't their job t'blend in, see. They want t'scare yer. Groink. It works, n'all. I tell yer, if I sees so much as an orange in the fruit bowl it sets me heart a-banging. So me and this fella, we runs roun keeping low, outta sight, while the soldiers is getting their ands on anyone wi too much fur, or ose nose was too wet. Old pig like I am, orta be an easy target, but oinky-old Mels, no one notices the oinky-likes of me. They jus think, poor old woman, she's gonna die soon anyhow. Even but I was catching an eye or two, an I ad to duck outta sight behind a orse cart, an I coulda got ad, but the soldier wot saw me found a prettier littel pig t'poke. This fella a Dags -Armatage was is name – e jumps down, pulls me out and we made it the las fifty yards to our door. Oink! We pushes in through the door and straight off, there's Sigs yelling down, 'Melanie! Mel!' E's leaning over, gun in is and. E looks at me pantin away n e sez, 'Melanie, you stupid cow…'

'I'm a pig,' I grunts. But I'd ad a shock. I thought I oinky-was gonna get me apple sauce that time, I did. Groink.

'Do you wanna get picked up by those bastards?'

'I don wanna stay sat in onna sofa like certain dunderheads I know.' I sits meself down on the stairs, waitin fer me heart to stop dancin in me.

'Pretty Molly went and strayed

N Dunderhead saw red.

Pretty Molly, she got laid

While Dunder made the bed.'

I told im.

'Pretty Molly got bloody shot,' e growls, all cross. E ates that one, cause o course e never gets laid isself. E'd bin moanin at me al mornin about it, and I said, 'Get yersel out an you might find a nice girl.' But e was right. Face like that, e ad no chance. Unless he went for a nice alfman girl, but e ain't that much in favour of equal rights.

Then me guest shows is face roun the corner of the stairs, and Sigs scowls like a dog. E sticks is face right out over the railings fer this bloke Armatage to see. Umans! I never knew a animal so vain about its looks.

'Got your eyeful?' e grunts Then e turns is back and trots back to is sofa like it was the only friend e as in the ole wide world.

6

Siggy

It was a young bloke, quite good-looking just to rub the salt in. I turned my back, but I could hear Mel taking him up the stairs. I was furious. We'd agreed – no people back at the house. If she wanted to throw money away, who cares? But I didn't want her little bits of crap littering the place up.

She's gonna give me a heart attack one of these days. She's always taking risks. They've put a gibbet up in the market, rows of beams and girders built into the brickwork. It was obviously a long-term structure. That's where they hang the corpses from, upside down by one foot, just like we used to do in the lift shaft. I can see part of that street from my window. Every day when I get up, first thing, I get my binoculars and look for the new additions. One day I'm gonna see Melanie there dripping blood on the cobbles.

The thing is, Melanie's just made for chopping as far as the Orangers were concerned. She isn't just a pig. She's old, ugly and useless. Every day you see people a hundred times more presentable than she is hanging by their trotters. The secret police stop and search anyone they feel like – just stop you and strip you, to make sure you're human under your clothes. It happened to me once. They beat me black and blue just for being ugly. So I don't go out much if I can help it, but I keep an eye on things as far as I can from the window, and I see some sights, I can tell you. There was this gorgeous girl the other day – I thought they were just getting her things off to get an eyeful – probably they were. But off came her knickers and what do you think? She had this charming little pig's tail at the base of her spine. It looked pretty sexy, from what I could see through the bins. She was standing there with her arms hanging by her sides, not even bothering to cover her breasts. She knew it was all up. It wasn't so sexy once you saw her face. She looked terrified. I saw her hanging up a couple of days later on the gibbet with all the others.

From my place on the sofa I could hear Melanie and the human muttering away in the kitchen. I stared at the screen and fumed. Human beings! What good ever came of them?

I heard Melanie saying, 'Cuppa tea, oinky-tea?'

Tea! I could have screamed. We had a couple of ounces. Tea was a total luxury, especially since the war. Cherry smuggled us a handful. What was Melanie doing offering this human tea for?

Suddenly, unexpectedly, tears started to trickle down my face. Don't ask me why. It was happening quite a bit these days.

I heard Melanie and the unwelcome guest come out into the sitting room. I got up to go but Melanie stopped me.

'I brung this'n to talk t'yer.'

I tried to ignore the human. I could feel his eyes on my ruined face. Well, I was about to ruin his if he wasn't careful. I swallowed my tears and tried to speak calmly. 'You're going to have to stop going out,' I told her. 'Do you wanna get killed? Do you wanna get me killed?'

All the time the stranger stood there staring. 'Last of the Volsons,' he said.

'How does he know that? How does he bloody know who I am?' I demanded. She had no right telling anyone that! I took a couple of steps towards her. I could have struck her I was so angry.