Must first perceive
That it knows nothing.
EARTHSEED: THE BOOKS OF THE LIVING
MONDAY, AUGUST 2, 2027
(cont. from notes expandedAUGUST 8) Here are some of the things I’ve learned today: Walking hurts. I’ve never done enough walking to learn that before, but I know it now. It isn’t only the blisters and sore feet, although we’ve got those.
After a while, everything hurts. I think my back and shoulders would like to desert to another body.
Nothing eases the pain except rest. Even though we got a late start, we stopped twice today to rest. We went off the freeway, into hills or bushes to sit down, drink water, eat dried fruit and nuts. Then we went on. The days are long this time of year.
Sucking on a plum or apricot pit all day makes you feel less thirsty. Zahra told us that.
“When I was a kid,” she said, “there were times when I would put a little rock in my mouth. Anything to feel better. It’s a cheat, though. If you don’t drink enough water, you’ll die no matter how you feel.”
All three of us walked along with seeds in our mouths after our first stop, and we felt better. We drank only during our stops in the hills. It’s safer that way.
Also, cold camps are safer than cheery campfires.
Yet tonight we cleared some ground, dug into a hillside, and made a small fire in the hollow. There we cooked some of my acorn meal with nuts and fruit. It was wonderful. Soon we’ll run out of it and we’ll have to survive on beans, cornmeal, oats-expensive stuff from stores. Acorns are home-food, and home is gone.
Fires are illegal. You can see them flickering all over the hills, but they are illegal. Everything is so so dry that there’s always a danger of campfires getting away from people and taking out a community or two. It does happen. But people who have no homes will build fires. Even people like us who know what fire can do will build them. They give comfort, hot food, and a false sense of security.
While we were eating, and even after we’d finished, people drifted over and tried to join us. Most were harmless and easily gotten rid of. Three claimed they just wanted to get warm. The sun was still up, red on the horizon, and it was far from cold.
Three women wanted to know whether two studs like Harry and me didn’t need more than one woman. The women who asked this may have been cold, considering how few clothes they had on. It’s going to be strange for me, pretending to be a man.
“Couldn’t I just roast this potato in your coals?” and old man asked, showing us a withered potato.
We gave him some fire and sent him away— and watched to see where he went, since a burning brand could be either a weapon or a major distraction if he had friends hiding. It’s crazy to live this way, suspecting helpless old people. Insane.
But we need our paranoia to keep us alive. Hell, Harry wanted to let the old guy sit with us. It took Zahra and me together to let him know that wasn’t going to happen. Harry and I have been well-fed and protected all our lives. We’re strong and healthy and better educated than most people our age. But we’re stupid out here. We want to trust people. I fight against the impulse. Harry hasn’t learned to do that yet. We argued about it afterward, low voiced, almost whispering.
“Nobody’s safe, ” Zahra told him. No matter how pitiful they look, they can steal you naked. Little kids, skinny and big-eyed will make off with all your money, water, and food! I know. I used to do it to people. Maybe they died, I don’t know. But I didn’t die.”
Harry and I both stared at her. We knew so little about her life. But to me, at that moment, Harry was our most dangerous question mark.
“You’re strong and confident,” I said to him. “You think you can take care of yourself out here, and maybe you can. But think what a stab wound or a broken bone would mean out here: Disablement, slow death from infection or starvation, no medical care, nothing.”
He looked at me as though he wasn’t sure he wanted to know me anymore. “What, then?” he asked. “Everyone’s guilty until proven innocent?
Guilty of what? And how do they prove themselves to you?”
“I don’t give a piss whether they’re innocent or not,”
Zahra said. “Let them tend to their own business.”
“Harry, your mind is still back in the neighborhood,” I said. “You still think a mistake is when your father yells at you or you break a finger or chip a tooth or something. Out here a mistake— one mistake— and you may be dead. Remember that guy today? What if that happened to us?”
We had seen a man robbed— a chubby guy of 35 or 40 who was walking along eating nuts out of a paper bag. Not smart. A little kid of 12 or 13 snatched the nuts and ran off with them. While the victim was distracted by the little kid, two bigger kids tripped him, cut his pack straps, dragged the pack off his back, and ran off with it. The whole thing happened so fast that no one could have interfered if they’d wanted to. No one tried. The victim was unhurt except for bruises and abrasions— the sort of thing I had to put up with every day back in the neighborhood. But the victim’s supplies were gone. If he had a home nearby and other supplies, he would be all right. Otherwise, his only way of surviving might be to rob someone else— if he could.
“Remember?” I asked Harry. “We don’t have to hurt anyone unless they push us into it, but we don’t dare let our guard down. We can’t trust people.”
Harry shook his head. “What if I thought that way when I pulled that guy off Zahra?”
I held on to my temper. “Harry, you know I don’t mean we shouldn’t trust or help each other. We know each other. We’ve made a commitment to travel together.”
“I’m not sure we do know each other.”
“I am. And we can’t afford your denial. You can’t afford it.”
He just stared at me.
“Out here, you adapt to your surroundings or you get killed,” I said. “That’s obvious!”
