“Going to fix the world, are you?” he said with quiet amusement.
I looked at him. For a moment I was too angry to let myself speak. When I could control my voice, I said, “It’s all right if you don’t believe, but don’t laugh. Do you know what it means to have something to believe in? Don’t laugh.”
After a while he said, “All right.”
After a longer while, I said, “Fixing the world is not what Earthseed is about.”
“The stars. I know.” He lay flat on his back, but turned his head to look at me instead of looking up.
“This world would be a better place if people lived according to Earthseed,” I said. “But then, this world would be better if people lived according to the teachings of almost any religion.”
“That’s true. Why do you think they’ll live according
to the teaching of yours?”
“A few will. Several thousand? Several hundred thousand? Millions? I don’t know. But when I have a home base, I’ll begin the first community. In fact, I’ve already begun it.”
“Is that what you need me for?” He didn’t bother to smile or pretend it was a joke. It wasn’t. I moved over closer to him and sat next to him so that I could look down into his face.
“I need you to understand me,” I said. “I need you to take me the way I am or go off to your land by yourself.”
“You need me to take you and all your friends off the street so you can start a church.” Again, he was altogether serious.
“That or nothing,” I said with equal seriousness. He gave me a humorless smile. “So now we know where we stand.”
I smoothed his beard, and saw that he wanted to move away from my hand, but that he did not move.
“Are you all that sure you want God as your rival?” I asked.
“I don’t seem to have much choice, do I?” He covered my caressing hand with one of his own.
“Tell me, do you ever lose your temper and scream and cry?”
“Sure.”
“I can’t picture it. In all honesty, I can’t.”
And that reminded me of something that I hadn’t told him, had better tell him before he found out and felt cheated or decided that I didn’t trust him— which I still didn’t, quite. But I didn’t want to lose him to stupidity or cowardice. I didn’t want to lose him at all.
“Still want me with you?” I asked.
“Oh, yes,” he said. “I intend to marry you once we’ve settled.”
23
Your teachers
Are all around you.
All that you perceive,
All that you experience,
All that is given to you
or taken from you,
All that you love or hate,
need or fear
Will teach youN
If you will learn.
God is your first
and your last teacher.
God is your harshest teacher:
subtle,
demanding.
Learn or die.
EARTHSEED: THE BOOKS OF THE LIVING
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2027
We had another battle to try to sleep through before dawn this morning. It began to the south of us out on or near the highway, and worked its way first toward, then away from us.
We could hear people shooting, screaming, cursing, running… . Same old stuff— tiresome, dangerous, and stupid. The shooting went on for over an hour, waxing and waning. There was a final barrage that seemed to involve more guns than ever. Then the noise stopped.
I managed to sleep through some of it. I got over being afraid, even got over being angry. In the end, I was only tired. I thought, if the bastards are going to kill me, I can’t stop them by staying awake. If that wasn’t altogether true, I didn’t care. I slept.
And somehow, during or after the battle, in spite of the watch, two people slipped into our camp and bedded
