?Sit with me,? Ayre said as they came up to her. ?Sit here.? She positioned them on either side of her. She immediately tangled her long head tentacles with Tiikuchahk?s. Akin had come to find having only one true sensory tentacle, and that one in his mouth, very inconvenient. Resisters liked it because they did not have to look at it, but it inhibited communication with Oankali and constructs. He had quickly grown too large to be held in someone?s arms.
But Ayre, being Ayre, simply took him under one arm and pulled him against her so that it was easy for him to link with her as she used her body tentacles to link with him.
?We don?t know what will happen to us,? both he and Tiikuchahk said in silent unison. It was a cry of fear from both of them and, for Akin, also a cry of frustration. Time was being stolen from him. He knew the people and languages of a Chinese resister village, an Igbo village, three Spanish-speaking villages made up of people from many countries, a Hindu village, and two villages of Swahili-speaking people from different countries. So many resisters. Yet there were so many more. He had been driven out of, of all things, a village of English-speaking people because he was browner than the villagers were. He did not understand this, and he had not dared to ask anyone in Lo. But still, there were resisters he had never seen, resisters whose ideas he had not heard, resisters who believed their only hope was to steal construct children or to die as a species. There were stories now of a village whose people had gathered in their village square and drunk poison. No one Akin had talked to knew the name of this village, but everyone had heard about it.
Would there be any Humans left to save when he was finally old enough to have his opinions respected?
And would he still look Human enough to persuade them?
Or was all that foolishness? Would he truly be able to help them at all, no matter what happened? The Oankali would not stop him from doing anything they did not consider harmful. But if there were no consensus, they would not help him. And he could not help the Humans alone.
He could not, for instance, give them a ship entity. As long as they remained Human enough to satisfy their beliefs, they could not communicate with a ship. Some of them insisted on believing the ships were not alive?that they were metal things that anyone could learn to control. They had not understood at all when Akin tried to explain that ships controlled themselves. You either joined with them, shared their experiences, and let them share yours, or there was no trade. And without trade, the ships ignored your existence.
?You know you must help each other,? Ayre said.
Akin and Tiikuchahk drew back reflexively.
?You can?t be what you should have been, but you can help each other.? Akin could not miss the certainty Ayre felt. ?You?re both alone. You?ll both be strangers. And you?re like one pea cut in half. Let yourselves depend on each other a little.?
Neither Akin nor Tiikuchahk responded.
?Is a pea cut in half one wounded thing or two?? she asked softly.
?We can?t heal each other,? Tiikuchahk said.
?Metamorphosis will heal you, and it may be closer than you think.?
And they were afraid again. Afraid of changing, afraid of returning to a changed, unrecognizable home. Afraid of going to a place even less their own than the one they were leaving. Ayre sought to divert them. ?Ti, why do you want to go to Chkahichdahk?? she asked.
Tiikuchahk did not want to answer the question. Both Akin and Ayre received only a strong negative feeling from it.
?There are no resisters there,? Ayre said. ?That?s it, isn?t it??
Tiikuchahk said nothing.
?Has Ahajas said you would be female?? Ayre asked.
?Not yet.?
?Do you want to be??
?I don?t know.?
?You think you might want to be male??
?Maybe.?
?If you want to be male, you should stay here. Let Akin go. Spend your time with Dichaan and Tino and with your sisters. Male parents, female siblings. Your body will know how to respond.?
?I want to see Chkahichdahk.?
?You could wait. See it after you change.?
?I want to go with Akin.? There was the strong negative again. It had said what it had not wanted to say.
?Then you will probably be female.?
Sadness. ?I know.?
?Ti, maybe you want to go with Akin because you?re still trying to heal the old wound. As I said, there are no resisters on Chkahichdahk. No bands of Humans to distract him and use so much of his time.? She shifted her attention to Akin. ?And you. Since you must go, how do you feel about having Ti go with you??
?I don?t want it to go.? No lie could be told successfully in this intimate form of communication. The only way to avoid unpleasant truths was to avoid communication?to say nothing. But Tiikuchahk already knew he did not want it to go with him. Everyone knew. It repelled him and yet drew him in such an incomprehensible, uncomfortable way that he did not like to be near it at all. And it felt the same things he did. It should have been glad to see him go away.
Ayre shuddered. She did not break the contact between them, but she wanted to. She could feel the deep attraction-repulsion between them. She tried to overcome the conflicting emotions with her own calm, with feelings
