She laughed. ?I wondered if you could do that.?
He realized then by the sudden muting of his senses that his new sensory tentacles had flattened against his body, had smoothed like a second skin and seemed more painted on than real. He had seen this all his life in Oankali and constructs. Now, it felt utterly natural to do it himself.
She touched him.
He saw her reach out, felt the warmth of her hand long before she laid it on his shoulder and rubbed it over the smooth tentacles. For a second, he was able to keep them smooth. Then they locked into her hand. Her femaleness tormented him more than ever, but he could only taste it, savor it. Even if she had been interested in him sexually, he would have been helpless.
?Let go,? she said. She was not frightened or angry. She simply waited for him to let her go. She had no idea how difficult it was for him to draw his sensory tentacles back, to break the deep, frustrating contact.
?What was that all about?? she asked when she had her hand back.
He was not quick enough to think of an innocuous answer before she began to laugh.
?I thought so,? she said. ?We should definitely get you home. Do you have mates waiting??
Chagrined, he said nothing.
?I?m sorry. I didn?t mean to embarrass you. It?s been a long time since I was an adolescent.?
?Humans called me that before I changed.?
?Young adult, then.?
?How can you condescend to me and still follow me??
She smiled. ?I don?t know. I haven?t worked out my feelings toward the new you yet.?
Something about her manner was a lie. Nothing she said was a direct lie, but there was something wrong.
?Will you go to Mars, Tate, or stay on Earth?? he asked. She seemed to pull back from him without moving.
?You?ll be as free to stay as you will be to go.? She had Oankali mates who would be overjoyed to have her stay. If she did not, they might never settle on Earth.
?Truce,? Tate said quietly.
He wished she were Oankali so that he could show her he meant what he was saying. He had not spoken in response to her condescension, as she clearly believed. He had responded instead to the falseness of her manner. But communication with Humans was always incomplete.
?Goddamn you,? Tate said softly.
?What??
She looked away from him. She stood up, paced across to a window, and stared out. She stood to one side, making it difficult for anyone outside to see her. But there was no one outside that window. She paced around the room, restless, grim.
?I thought I?d made my decision,? she said. ?I thought leaving here would be enough for now.?
?It is,? Akin said. ?There?s no hurry. You don?t have to make any other decisions yet.?
?Who?s patronizing whom?? she said bitterly.
More misunderstanding. ?Take me literally,? Akin said. ?Assume that I mean exactly what I say.?
She looked at him with disbelief and distrust.
?You can decide later,? he insisted.
After a while she sighed. ?No,? she said, ?I can?t.?
He did not understand, so he said nothing.
?That?s my problem, really,? she continued. ?I don?t have a choice anymore. I have to go.?
?You don?t.?
She shook her head. ?I made my choice a long time ago?the way Lilith made hers. I chose Gabe and Phoenix and Humanity. My own people disgust me sometimes, but they?re still my people. I have to go with them.?
?Do you??
?Yes.?
She sat down again after a while and put the gun on her lap and closed her eyes.
?Tate?? he said, when she seemed calm.
She opened her eyes but said nothing.
?Does the way I look now bother you??
The question seemed to annoy her at first. Then she shrugged. ?If anyone had asked me how I would feel if you changed so completely, I would have said it would upset me, at least. It doesn?t. I don?t think it bothers the others either. We all watched you change.?
?What about those who didn?t watch??
?To them you?ll be an Oankali, I think.?
He sighed. ?There?ll be fewer immigrants because of me.?
