“How can you know? You’ve never tried.”
“You don’t want to hear how I know, believe me.”
“Don’t be stupid. If you want my help at all, you’d better tell me everything.”
I looked at him. I made myself just look at him until I could answer quietly. “I know the same way you know how to eat when you’re hungry. I’m that kind of parasite, Karl. I suppose you and the others might as well face it the way I have.”
“You … you’re saying you’re a female Doro?”
“Not exactly, but that’s close enough.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Oh yes you do.”
He stared at me silently for a moment. “I didn’t want to believe you could read me through my shield either.”
“I can. That’s part of my ability, too.”
“You have enough abilities not to need my help.”
“I told you why I need you.”
“Yes. You don’t want to kill.”
“Not unless somebody is stupid enough to attack me.”
“But if hunger is what you feel, how can you avoid doing something about it eventually? You’ll have to kill.”
“It’s more like having an appetite?like being able to eat but not really being hungry.”
“But you will get hungry. It seems to me that’s why we’re here. We’re your food supply. You’re gathering people the way Doro does. It just isn’t as much work for you as it is for him.”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “I’ve been thinking things like that myself. They might be all wrong. But even if they aren’t, I don’t know what to do about it.”
He turned his head, stared at a bookcase. “Short of committing suicide, there’s not much you can do.”
“And I’m not about to do that. But I’ll tell you, as mad as these people make me sometimes, it would be almost as hard for me to kill one of them as it would be for me to commit suicide. I don’t want their lives.”
“For now.”
“And I don’t want anybody forcing me to change my mind. Because, if I do, I’m not sure I’ll be able to control myself. I might kill more of you than I mean to.” I got up to leave. “Karl, I’m not asking you to make up your mind now, or promise me anything. I just wanted you to know there was a choice to make.” I started for the door.
“Wait a minute.”
I stopped, waited.
“You’re closed, shielded all the time,” he said. “I don’t think you’ve unshielded once since you did it for me after your transition.”
“Would you if you were living with people who wanted to kill you?”
“What if I asked you to open for me? Just for me. Now.”
“Why?”
“Because you need me. And because I need to see the truth of what you’re telling me.”
“I thought that was settled.”
“I’ve got to see it for myself, Mary. I’ve got to be certain. I can’t … do what you’re asking until I’ve seen for myself that it’s necessary.”
I read him, saw that he was telling the truth. He was angry and bitter and he didn’t like himself much for even thinking about siding with me. But he knew it was his best chance for survival?for a while, at least.
I opened. I was more worried about accidentally taking him than I was about what he might find out. I was a little touchier about his rummaging through my memories than I had been before, but I put up with it. He didn’t go after anything more than verification of what I had told him. That was all he cared about.
“All right,” he said after a moment.
I shielded, looked at him.
“I’ll do what I can to help you,” he said. “And heaven help both of us.”
Chapter Seven
MARY
Winning Karl over gave me the courage to get right to work on the others. I called everybody together in the living room at around ten the next morning. Karl came in with Vivian, and Seth Dana came with Ada and Clay. Vivian and Clay didn’t really have to be there, of course, but it didn’t matter to me that they were.
Karl had to go and get Jan. She said she wasn’t about to take orders from me. I figured we’d have this meeting and then, if she still felt that way, I’d show her how gentle Doro had been with her.
And Doro had to get Jesse and Rachel. They were shacked up in Jesse’s room now, like they meant to stay together for a while. They were sure as hell together in their opinion of me. In fact, they were so close together and
