“Competition again,” said Karl. “Possible.” He looked at me curiously. “Does it
bother you that the body he’s wearing was your brother?”
“No. I never knew the man. Doro’s appetite in general bothers me. He warned me that it would. But I can keep quiet about it as long as he isn’t taking my Patternists.”
“For all we know, that could be next.”
“God! No, he wouldn’t do that while I’m still alive. The only Patternist he’s likely to take right now is me.” Something occurred to me suddenly. “Wait a minute! he may have left me more clues to whatever the hell he’s doing than I thought.”
“What?”
“I’ll get back to you in a minute.” I reached out to the old neighborhood, to Emma. I could reach her fast now, because she belonged to me. I had a kind of link with her that would let me know the minute some other Patternist touched her, and at the same time let the Patternist know she was mine. I had that kind of connection with Rina too, since she was too old for me to risk her life by trying to push her into transition.
I read Emma, saw that Doro had been to see her just a few hours before. And he’d talked a lot. Now since he knew Emma was mine, knew that anything he said to her I would eventually pick up, I assumed that he had been talking at least partly to me. Perhaps more to me than about me. I looked at Karl. “This morning, Doro told Emma he was afraid I’d disobey him in this and make him kill me.”
“Obviously he was wrong,” said Karl.
“But he seemed so sure about it?and Emma seemed so sure. I can discount Emma, I guess. She’s frightened enough of me?and jealous enough of me?to want me dead. But Doro …”
“Do you have any intention of defying him?”
“None … now.” I stared down at the table. “I wouldn’t risk the people, the Pattern, even if I were willing to risk myself. I’m wondering, though …”
“Wondering what?”
“Well, remember when we started this?when I pulled in Christine and Jamie Hanson?”
“Yes.”
“And you and Doro and I tried to figure out why I was so eager to bring in more people. Doro finally decided that I needed them for the same reasons he needed them. For sustenance.”
Karl smiled faintly, which had to be a mark of how much he had relaxed and accepted his place in the Pattern. “Don’t you think fifteen hundred people might be enough to sustain you?”
I looked at him. “You don’t know how much I’d like to say yes to that.”
His smile vanished. “For the sake of the fifteen hundred, you’d better say yes to it.”
“Yeah. I just wish I could be sure that saying yes was enough.”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I might be too much like Doro.” I sighed. “I’m supposed to be like him. He finally admitted that to Emma this morning. Have you ever seen him when he needs a change really badly?”
“No. But I know that’s not a safe time to be near him.”
“Right. If he’s really in trouble, he’s liable to lose control?just take whoever’s closest to him. Usually, though, he prevents himself from getting into that situation by changing often and keeping to healthy, young bodies. I seem to prefer young minds?not
necessarily healthy.”
“But with so many young minds already here, there’s no reason for you to defy Doro and go after more.”
“There’s more of them out there, Karl. I’m afraid that might be reason enough. Now that I’m thinking about it …” I glanced at him. “You’ve felt how eager I am when I go after new people?the first ones two years ago, and the last ones this morning. I don’t like thinking about what my life will be like now that I can’t go after any more of them.”
He put one elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hand. “You know, in his way, I think Doro does love you.”
I stared at him in surprise. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Am I right?”
“He loves me. What passes for love with him.”
“Don’t belittle it. I think it’s the only lever you have that might move him?make him change his mind.”
“I’ve never in my life been able to change his mind once he’s made it up. His love … it lasts as long as I do what he tells me.”
“All right, then; you may not have any influence. But you’ll find out for sure, won’t you. You’ll try.”
I took a deep breath, nodded. “I’ll try anything within reason. But I don’t think anything less than my complete obedience will satisfy him. I’ve made him wary and uncomfortable. I’ve been moving too fast, and letting him see me too clearly.”
“It sounds as though you’re saying he’s afraid of you. And if you believe that, you’re deluding yourself. Dangerously.”
“No, not afraid. Cautious. He’s alive because he’s cautious. And I’m too powerful. Fifteen hundred people aren’t giving me any trouble at all. Whatever the Pattern is, I’m not likely to overload it soon. Doro isn’t worried that I can’t handle the thing I’m building. He’s worried that I can.”
Karl thought about that for a long moment. “If you’re right, if he is worried, it might not only be because you’re competing with him and taking his people.”
