Parable of the Talents

how could I let the fear of them stop me? 'This country is over 250 years old,' I said. 'It's had bad leaders before. It survived them. We'll have to watch what Jarret does, change when necessary, adapt, maybe keep a little quieter than we have for a while. But we've always had to adapt to changes. We always will. God is Change. If we have to start saying 'Long live Jarret' and 'God bless Christian America,' then we'll say it. He's tem­porary.'

'So are we. And living with him won't be that easy.'

I leaned toward him. 'We'll do what we have to do, no matter who's warming the chair in the Oval Office. What choice do we have? Even if we run and hide in Halstead, we'll still be subject to Jarret. And we'll have no good friends around us to help us, lie for us if necessary, take risks for us. In Halstead, we'll be strangers. We'll be easy to pick out and blame and hurt. If vigilante crazies or even cops of some kind come asking questions about us or accusing us of witchcraft or something, Halstead might decide we're more trouble than we're worth. If things get bad, I want my friends around me. Here at Acorn, if we can't save every­thing, we can at least work together to save one another. We've done that before.'

'This is like nothing we've faced before.' Bankole's shoulders slumped, and he sighed. 'I don't know that this country has ever had a leader as bad as Jarret or as bad as Jarret might turn out to be. Keep that in mind. Now that you're a mother, you've got to let go of some of the Earth-seed thinking and think of your child. I want you to look at Larkin and think of her every time you want to make some grand decision.'

'I can't help doing that,' I said. 'This isn't about grand decisions. It's about her and her future.' I drank the last of my tea. 'You know,' I said, 'for a long time, it terrified me—honestly terrified me—to think that the Destiny itself was so big, so complex, so far from the life I was living or anything that I could ever bring about alone, so far from anything that even seemed possible. I remember my father saying that he thought even the pitiful little space program that we've just junked was stupid and wrong and a huge waste of money.'

'He was right,' Bankole said.

'He was not right!' I whispered, my feelings flaring. After a moment, I said, 'We need the stars, Bankole. We need purpose! We need the image the Destiny gives us of ourselves as a growing, purposeful species. We need to be­come the adult species that the Destiny can help us become! If we're to be anything other than smooth dinosaurs who evolve, specialize, and die, we need the stars. That's why the Destiny of Earthseed is to take root among the stars. I know you don't want to hear verses right now, but that one is... a major key to us, to human beings, I mean. When we have no difficult, long-term purpose to strive toward, we fight each other. We destroy ourselves. We have these chaotic, apocalyptic periods of murderous craziness.' I stopped for a moment, then let myself say what I had never said to any­one. He had a right to hear it. 'Early on, when I told people about the Destiny, and most of them laughed, I was afraid. I worried that I couldn't do this, couldn't reach people and help them see truth. Later, when the people of Acorn began to accept all the Earthseed teachings except the Destiny, I worried more. People seem to be willing to believe all kinds of stupid things—magic, the supernatural, witchcraft….But I couldn't get them to believe in something real, some­thing that they could make real with their own hands. Now... now most of the people here accept the Destiny. They believe me and follow me, and... damned if I don't worry even more.'

'You never said so.' Bankole reached out and took my hands between his.

'What could I say? That I believe in Earthseed, yet I doubt my own abilities? That I'm afraid all the time?' I sighed. 'That's where faith comes in, I guess. It always comes sooner or later into every belief system. In this case, it's have faith and work your ass off. Have faith and work the asses off a hell of a lot of people. I realize all that, but I'm still afraid.'

'Do you think anyone expects you to know everything?'

I smiled. 'Of course they do. They don't believe I know it all, and they wouldn't like me much if I did, but some­how, they do expect it. Logic isn't involved in feelings like that'

'No, it isn't. I suspect that logic isn't involved in trying to found a new religion and then having doubts about it either.'

'My doubts are personal,' I said. 'You know that I doubt myself, not Earthseed. I worry that I might not be able to make Earthseed anything more than another little cult.' I shook my head. 'It could happen. Earthseed is true—is a collection of truths, but there's no law that says it has to suc­ceed. We can always screw it up. I can always screw it up. There's so much to be done.'

Bankole went on holding my hands, and I let myself go on talking, thinking aloud. 'I wonder sometimes whether I'll make it. I might grow old and die without seeing Earthseed grow the way that it should, without leaving the Earth myself or seeing others leave, maybe without even focusing serious attention on the Destiny. There are so many little cults—like