frowned, then drew back. He turned to face me.
?What is it??
?Nothing harmful. You can touch her. You won?t enjoy it, but you can do it. If she were drowning, you could save her.?
Jesusa reached out abruptly and grasped his wrist. She held on for a moment, both of them rigid with a revulsion they might not want to recognize. TomAs made himself cover her repellent hand with his own.
As abruptly as they had come together, they broke apart. Jesusa managed to stop herself from wiping her hand against her clothing. TomAs did not.
?Oh, god,? she said. ?What have you done to us??
I got up, went around her to sit between them. I could still walk normally, but even those few steps were exhausting.
I took their hands, rested each of them on one of my thighs so that I would not have to maintain a grip. I linked into their nervous systems and brought them together as though they were touching one another. It was not illusion. They were in contact through me. Then I gave them a bit of illusion. I ?vanished? for them. For a moment, they were together, holding one another. There was no one between them.
By the time Jesusa finished her scream of surprise, I was ?back,? and more exhausted than ever. I let them go and lay down.
?If you stay,? I said, ?what you do, you?ll do through me. You literally won?t touch one another.?
?What?s the matter with you?? TomAs asked. ?You didn?t feel the same just now.?
?Oh, I?m not the same. I?m changing. Now, I?m maturing.?
They did not understand. I saw concern and questioning on their faces, but no alarm. Not yet.
?My final metamorphosis is beginning now,? I said. ?It will last for several months.?
Now they looked alarmed. ?What will happen to you?? Jesusa asked. ?What shall we do for you??
?I?m sorry,? I told her, ?I had no idea it was so close. The first time, I had several days? warning. If it had happened that way this time, I would have been able to go into the river and get home without your help. I can?t do that now.?
?Did you think we would abandon you?? she demanded. ?Is that why you asked us again to stay??
?Not that you would walk away and leave me here, no. But that
you wouldn?t wait.?
?A few months??
?As much as a year.?
?We have to get you back to your people. We can?t find enough food
.?
?Wait. Can you
will you make a raft? There are young cecropia trees just above the sandbar. Farther inland, there are plenty of lianas. If you can put something together while I?m awake, we can go downriver to my family?s camp. I won?t let you pass it. Then
if you want to leave me, my family won?t try to hold you.?
Jesusa moved to sit near my head. ?Will you be all right if we leave??
I looked at her for a long time before I could make myself answer. ?Of course not.?
She got up and walked a short distance away from me, kept her back to me. TomAs moved to where she had been and took my hand.
?We?ll build the raft,? he said. ?We?ll get you home.? He thought for a moment. ?I don?t see why we can?t stay until you finish your metamorphosis.?
I closed my eyes, and I said nothing. Was that how Nikanj had done it a century before? Lilith had been with it when its second metamorphosis began. Had it been tempted to say, ?If you stay with me now, you?ll never leave?? Or had it simply never thought to say anything? It was Oankali. It had probably never thought to say anything. It wouldn?t have been harboring any sexual feeling for her at that point. It had enjoyed her because she was so un- Oankali?different and dangerous and fascinating.
I felt those things myself about these two, but I felt more. As Nikanj had said, I was precocious.
I said nothing at all to TomAs. Someday he would curse me for my silence.
He went to Jesusa and said, ?If we stay, we?ll have a chance to see how their families work.?
?I?m afraid to stay,? she said.
?Afraid??
She picked up the machete. ?We should get started on the raft.?
?Jesusita, why are you afraid??
?Why aren?t you?? she said. She looked at me, then at him. ?This is an alien thing Jodahs wants of us. Certainly it?s an un-Christian thing, an un-Human thing. It?s the thing we?ve been taught against all our lives. How can we be accepting it or even considering it so easily??
?Are you?? he asked quietly.
