?They?ve finished eating their fish,? I said. ?Let?s go back.?
We detached from one another and it turned wearily to follow me. ?Do you know,? it said, ?that before we left home, Ooan still said it couldn?t find the flaw in us, couldn?t see why we needed mates so early?needed, not just wanted? And why we focus so on Humans.? It paused. ?Do you want other mates??
?Oankali mates,? I said. ?Not construct.?
?Why??
?I think
I feel as though it will balance the two parts of me?Human and Oankali. I don?t know what the Oankali will think about that, though.?
?If they ever accept us and if you find two that you like, don?t let them make their decision from a distance.?
I smiled. ?What about you? Humans and Oankali??
It rested one strength arm around my shoulders. It almost never touched me with its sensory arms, though it accepted my own gladly. It behaved as though it were not yet mature. ?What about me?? it repeated. ?I can?t plan anything. It?s hard for me to believe from one day to the next that I?m even going to survive.? It made a fist with its free strength hand, then relaxed the hand. ?Most of the time I feel as though I could just let go like this and dissolve. Sometimes I feel as though I should.?
I slept with it that night. I couldn?t do as much for it alone, but it couldn?t have tolerated Jesusa or TomAs until they had digested their meal. I couldn?t imagine it not existing, truly gone, never to be touched again?like never being able to touch my own face again.
Two days later, Jesusa and TomAs told me to give them back the marks of their genetic disorder. We had crawled up the nearly nonexistent trail on the mountain and back down again to the river. We had crossed the trail of the hunters we had scented earlier. There were four of them and they were still ahead of us. And now, when the wind was right, I could scent more Humans. Many more. Aaor?s head and body tentacles kept sweeping forward, controlled by the tantalizing scent.
?The more Human you can make yourselves look, the less likely you are to be shot if you?re seen,? TomAs told us. He was looking at Aaor as he spoke. Then he faced me. ?I?ve seen you both change by accident. Why can?t you change deliberately??
?I can,? I said. ?But Aaor?s control is just not firm enough. It already looks as Human as it can look.?
He drew a deep breath. ?Then this is as close as it should get. You should change us and camp here.?
?We can?t even see your town from here,? Aaor protested.
?And they can?t see you. If you round that next bend, though, part of our settlement will be visible to you. But the way is guarded. You would be shot.?
Aaor seemed to sink in on itself. We had made a fireless camp. My mates were on either side of me, linked with me. Aaor was alone. ?You should change yourself and go with them,? it said. ?They?ll function better if they are not separated from you. I can survive alone for a few days.?
?If we?re caught, we?ll be separated,? Jesusa said. ?We?ll be shut up in separate places. We?ll be questioned. I would probably be married off very quickly.? She stopped. ?Jodahs, what will happen if someone tries to have sex with me??
I shook my head. ?You?ll fight. You won?t be able to help fighting. You?ll fight so hard, you might win even if the male is much stronger. Or maybe you?ll just make him hurt or kill you.?
?Then she can?t go,? TomAs said. ?I?ll have to do it alone.?
?Neither of you should go,? I said. ?If hunters come out this far, we should wait. We have time.?
?That will get you a man,? Jesusa said. ?Maybe several men. But women don?t hunt.?
?What do females do?? I asked. ?What might bring them out away from the protection of the settlement??
Jesusa and TomAs looked at one another, and TomAs grinned. ?They meet,? he said.
?Meet?? I repeated, uncomprehending.
?The elders tell us who we must marry,? he said. ?But they can?t tell us who we must love.?
I knew Humans did such things: marry here and mate there and there and there
. There was nothing in Human biology to prevent this. In fact, Human biology encouraged male Humans to have liaisons with more than one female. The male?s investment of time and energy in fathering children was much smaller than the female?s. Still, the concept felt alien to me. To have a mating and somehow put it aside. But then, most construct males never had true mates. They went wherever they found welcome and everyone knew it. There was no permanent bonding, no betrayal, no biological wrongness to contend with.
?Do your people meet this way because they would like to be mated?? I asked.
?Some of them,? TomAs said. ?Others only feel a temporary attraction.?
?It would be good to get a pair for Aaor who already care for one another.?
?We thought that, too,? Jesusa said. ?We meant to go to the village and bring away the people we would have been married to. But they wouldn?t be coming out here to be together. They?re brother and sister, too. A brother and two sisters, really.?
?It would be better, safer to go after people who have already slipped away from your village. Is there a place where such people often meet??
TomAs sighed. ?Change us back tonight. Make us as ugly as we were, just in case. Tomorrow night, we?ll show you some of the places where lovers meet. If you go there at all, it will have to be at night.?
But the next night we were spotted.
