“How did she look? I mean… was she…”
“She was much like him. He thought she might even be Hao. You can’t tell until their bodies mature a little and their coloring darkens.”
“What would you have done… what would he have done if the baby had been like you?”
Alanna smiled a little remembering. “We talked about that. He said if the child was like me, he would help me teach it to hunt with a bow.”
Neila looked surprised. “He must be more tolerant than he seems. Did you want a liaison with him?”
“No.” Her memory went back even farther, and suddenly she wanted to tell the story, the truth, to this woman who had become her mother. She had never told it before, even to other Tehkohn. Doubtless, they knew parts of it, but only the public parts. The fact of the liaison, the marriage. Telling the rest now would pass the dragging time. She spoke easily, feeling amusement where once she had felt terror. Neila was horrified.
“Does he still beat you?” she asked.
“No more. Now we talk.”
“But still… Lanna, what he did to you is at least as bad as what the Garkohn do to their captives. You stayed with him while you were in the mountains because you had to, but surely now…”
“Now he’s my husband.”
“Not by any law we recognize.”
“I recognize it.”
“But why? I still can’t understand… Is it so that he’ll help us against the Garkohn?”
“It could be,” said Alanna. “That would be a good reason. But no, it’s because of what I said a few minutes ago. I’m not a Missionary. I don’t think I ever could be. But I can be Tehkohn—in spite of the physical differences. It’s almost easy.” She thought for a moment of the Garkohn, of the abducted Missionaries. “I’m not like Tate. Not like the others who were taken with her. Natahk may have made Garkohn of them, but not very good Garkohn. Because first, he would have had to destroy them as Missionaries.”
“Why did Diut beat you if not to destroy you as a Missionary-break you down?”
“We fought for a lot of reasons. Most often because he wasn’t used to hearing people say ‘no’ to him.” Alanna shrugged. “Neither was I. And the first time, because when I got a good look at him and realized that he wanted me, I panicked.”
Neila shuddered. “I would have panicked myself. I think he would have had to kill me.”
“I didn’t want to die.”
Neila looked at her strangely.
“I didn’t have any Missionary inhibitions about pairing with a Kohn man,” she said. “After I got used to the way Diut looked, I was glad the match had been made.” She laughed suddenly. “We were at least equally strange- looking to each other.”
“Not strange enough. How can you laugh about it?”
“It’s past. He said I looked deformed, wrong. That’s why he was curious about me. It didn’t seem possible to him that I was really a woman.”
Neila made a sound of disgust. “And what happens when the sick novelty of having a deformed woman wears off? Will he start to beat you again? Will he throw you out? Or will he just kill you to be certain he’s rid of you? Since he kills so easily.”
“That novelty wore off as quickly for him as it did for me. I think you know that.” Alanna paused. “You saw him put his life in my hands tonight.”
“…yes.”
“And he put himself in danger for all three of us. It really would have been easier for him to lead the Garkohn on a chase around the settlement—if he hadn’t been afraid of what they’d do to us before they got the chase started. Us, not some anonymous unskilled Missionaries.”
Neila said nothing.
“Do you know the meaning of the hand-to-throat gesture?”
“It’s a caress.” Neila sounded harassed. “It’s one of the things they do instead of kissing.”
“It’s that, yes. But it began as an expression of trust. You don’t let anyone that close to your neck unless you trust him. The words that went with the gesture were, ‘I hold your life, and do not take it.’”
Neila sighed, shook her head. “All right, Lanna. You’ve made your decision. I only hope your trust isn’t misplaced.”
Suddenly there was noise outside. Shouting, the sound of the gate being opened. Jules slipped silently into the house.
“Garkohn,” he said. “Two of them came over the wall blood-red with paint, and opened the gate for the others. Image of God, if we only had our guns!”
“Is everyone under cover?” asked Neila.
“Yes. Now if only the Tehkohn can get in here before we’re dragged out again.”
Alanna got up and blew out the room’s single lamp. Then she went to the small front window and looked out. The Garkohn were gathering on the common, building up the dying fire, and apparently quarreling among themselves. Most were smeared with red paint. Some were injured. Natahk was nowhere in sight—nor was Diut.
