Black Dawn

needed me. By locking my doors and covering my ears and not doing what a big sister was supposed to do: protect him.

So I couldn’t hate him. I could only fear what he’d become.

“I didn’t know—” Didn’t know they let you out of jail. “They put you to work here.”

“You know vamps. Practical,” he said, and shrugged. “No point in having prisoners if you can’t get some kind of value out of them. They don’t believe in rehab. It’s all racks and iron maidens with them.”

He was only joking a little, and darkly. The vampires weren’t into torture these days, but they also weren’t forgiving. And Jason had tested their mercy, a lot. He was lucky to be alive, and he knew it. My brother had a lot of sins on his conscience. He’d helped me sometimes, but he’d quit trying to be a better person some time ago, and I’d quit trying to help him.

So there was that between us, too.

“How are you doing?” It was an inane question, really, and I almost winced when I heard how it sounded. He tossed his hair back and smiled. Not a sane sort of smile, but it might have been for effect. I hoped it was.

“Peachy,” he said. “Solitary confinement with vampire supervision is really healthy. You know, exercise, good diet, self-improvement. It’s like a spa, but with teeth.”

I glanced involuntarily at the guns, and when I moved my gaze back he was still smiling, but differently. It looked like someone had moved his lips and stuck them in that position, not that he found any real humor in things. “Ironic,” he said. “Yeah? Me and the gun duty? But somebody’s got to be making the shells, and vamps can’t handle the silver very well. I can do it twice as fast, without burns. Like I said, they’re practical.” He poured some more silver shot into a shell casing, and jammed it in the press. “So. I heard you two are getting married. I think my invitation got lost in the jailhouse mail.”

He was different, yet again, from the last time I’d seen him. He’d been trying, for a while—trying to be a better guy, a real person. And he’d been winning at it, until … well, I didn’t really know what had happened. Drugs, probably. Jason was always looking for a new high, mostly to avoid facing his own crappy past. He’d blown past alcohol by eleven; by thirteen, he’d been dealing to classmates and staying high most of the time. It hadn’t made him nicer. By the time I’d turned eighteen he’d already gotten too comfortable with weapons. Shane had a scar to prove it. I was lucky I didn’t, since I’d been the one he was really after.

“I didn’t think you’d want to come,” I said. “Or, you know, be out of jail.”

“Surprise. And why wouldn’t I want to come? You need somebody to give you away, sis. I always wanted to do that.” There was that creepy, empty smile again. Something had broken inside my brother. It had always been cracked, deeply, but now it was just … shattered. And I didn’t know why, or what had happened to him, but whatever it was, it had left him feral and angry. “Guess that makes me a Glass by marriage. I always wanted a brother.”

“Let’s not get all Cain and Abel about it,” I said. “You really don’t want to go there, Jase.”

“Cain was the killer,” Jason said. “Which one of us gets to play the victim?”

Oh, Jason. I felt a tiny shiver ladder up my spine. My sweet, kind, rocker boyfriend had swallowed more darkness than my brother, and even though he kept it pushed way, way down, it was there when he needed it. He didn’t let it rule him, but he could put it on a leash and make it work for him. It was pretty obvious to me, in that moment, who’d win that fight, whatever Jason might think. “Let it go,” I said. “Trust me.”

He laughed. “Yeah,” he said. “That’ll happen soon. You pimped me out, and then you sold me out. Not exactly a rock-solid basis for trust.”

“I thought—I thought we were getting over all that.”

“Easy for you. You ended up getting exactly what you wanted. Freedom. A hottie boyfriend who has full vamp status. Oh, and even though you said you were never a fang-banger, you’ve got a bandage on your neck the size of Nebraska. Guess you’re coming to terms with a lot of things these days.” He lifted a pan full of silver-coated shot and dumped it into a tub half full of water; the shot sizzled and cooled, and he scooped it out with a strainer as he readied another empty cartridge casing.

As he did, his shirt collar moved a little, and I saw red bite marks on his neck, over his jugular.

Just like before, when he was little. When he hadn’t had a choice.

I took an involuntary step forward, eyes fixed on the bite. “Jason,” I said. “Jase. Who did that to you?”

He twitched the collar of his shirt back into place and kept working without a reply.

“Jason!”

“Why the hell do you care?” he asked sullenly, and pressed a cartridge closed. “Thought you were all into the recreational biting now. You want to hear all about my sex life? Kinky, sis.”

“You’re letting someone bite you,” I said. “God, Jase, why would you do that?” Because I knew what he’d been through in his childhood. My parents had known and hadn’t stopped it—hadn’t even tried.

I had, once. Just once. But I was scared out of my mind, and I failed him. And I still, always, owed him for that.

“I’m not stupid.” He glanced up then, and the shine of his eyes was bitter-bright. “I’m not going to be on the wrong side of the fang for long,” he said. “And when I’m one of them, you better believe that I’m going to be taking my fair share. Money, sex, blood. Whatever I want.”

Jason and Shane were two sides of the same coin. Both had come from abuse, both had felt vulnerable and frightened and alone, abandoned by everybody who was supposed to protect and care for them. But Shane had come out of it forged into something strong, something that wanted to fight to protect others.

My brother was just a carbon copy of his own abuser, ready to pay his pain forward. And I couldn’t stop him, couldn’t help him. Couldn’t do anything except what I’d done for him my whole life.

Walk away.

“Who is it?” I asked him. “Who’s biting you?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to know.”

“She’s really pretty,” he said. “Blond. I think you already know her. I’ve seen her with you.”

Not Amelie, obviously; the whole idea she’d stoop to this was … just no. “What’s her name?”

He bared his teeth. “Why should I tell you? What are you going to do, report it? That’d be a first for you.”

“Jason, you never wanted to be a vampire. Neither of us did.”

“Why not? You think I’m not worthy or something?”

Worthy didn’t enter into it. The idea of my brother on a permanent vampire power trip was a really bad one. I felt sick, and anxious, and afraid; whoever was biting him had to be feeding him a line of bullshit. The vamps didn’t like to turn new recruits. It was some kind of a risk to them, and a burden. Michael had been the first one turned in a very long time, though there had been some complications to that. Nobody had been made a vampire since.

Why Jason, of all people?

“I know you don’t believe this,” I said, “but I do care about you. I always have. You scare the shit out of me, but I think deep down you know this is wrong. You still want to be … better. I know you can do it, I’ve seen it. You helped people. You even saved our lives. Why do you want to—to become this?” Not a vampire, but something worse.

Something truly without a soul.

He stared at me for a long second, then picked up the shotgun he’d laid aside and began slotting cartridges in with solid, even thunks. “Because it doesn’t hurt as much,” he said, and racked the shotgun with one hand. “Time to go, sis. Reunion’s over.”

He meant it, and I was acutely aware of what that shotgun he held could do to me, to fragile human flesh and bone. I didn’t think he’d do it, but I didn’t know. I didn’t really know him at all anymore.

“Who is she?” I whispered. “God, just tell me.”

I didn’t think he would. Maybe he didn’t think he would, either. But finally, as I was leaving, he said, “Naomi.”

I forced myself to keep going.