how I liked to think about it. One day he left for work and the next day all of his stuff was out of the house and I haven’t seen him since. He moved away to Florida or New York or wherever it is middle-aged men go when they have a mid-life crisis. His absence never really bothered me though. Some kids grow up in a house where their grandparents live with them or they have to take off their shoes before stepping on the carpet. I grew up in a house with just me and my mom. It worked out nicely though, because my mom was almost never home and I liked being alone most of the time.
I had just opened up the fridge to see if there was some sort of fruit I could snack on before dinner when I spotted a note held to the door with a smiley face magnet.
“Fend for Yourself” nights were typical in our household. Normally that meant I’d be reheating old pasta or chicken, but tonight I felt like doing something. I always got a bit weepy and self-deprecating right before prom. It was just one of those inevitable facts of life that I lived with. With my loner self-awareness in full throttle, I looked in the newspaper to see what movies were playing. There was a comic-book-turned-movie that had been getting good reviews, so I decided that would work perfectly for tonight. I figured I could just grab some popcorn and call that dinner. Though I didn’t have many opinions, hobbies, or interests to call my own, comic book things did bring me right back to my childhood-the childhood I had before I became someone who lived only to be what other people wanted. Therefore, this movie would make me feel much better about my total lack of identity. Or at least that’s what I was hoping.
Chapter Five
The movie turned out to be completely depressing and dark, but it did manage to take me out of the normal world for a while, so I couldn’t have cared less how dark it was. I must admit though, I woke up the next morning seriously considering wearing a cape to school. As usual, however, work called me back to reality, and I pulled on tight black pants, a shredded and worn-down stylized black shirt, and some mesh fingerless gloves. I curled my hair and pinned it up so that some of the ringlets escaped in a stylish frenzy.
Today I opted for dark red lipstick, the kind you find in classic old black and white movies, where you think their lips are actually black. I was relatively mild with my make-up, only doing mascara, eyeliner, and a thin line of white eye shadow just above the black liner. The shoes tied the whole outfit together and with ten minutes to spare before I had to take off, I was ready.
Searching through the fridge for breakfast this morning proved to be fruitless. Normally I would just eat the leftovers from whatever we had for dinner the night before, but today it looked like my options were some questionably old mashed potatoes or chocolate soymilk that had expired nearly a week ago. I chose the soymilk.
My soundtrack for the day consisted of a band I’d never heard of playing music I couldn’t even place into a specific musical category. It was given to me by Corey’s girlfriend and, even though it made me feel a bit lazy, I decided to just pull the same trick I’d used on James only yesterday. When I arrived at school, I placed the CD into my oversized black leather purse that would be acting as a backpack today. I pulled out my files once more as I walked, reviewing my plan of attack. I’d try to bump into, woo, and set up a date with Taylor before the bell rang for our first class, and I’d meet Corey at the break so I could finish the job at lunch. Piece of cake.
Taylor was pretty easy to find. He was the only boy in his group staring at my shoes instead of my face. I silently congratulated myself on finding such amazing shoes to snag him with, and then went on with my usual business. I told him his girlfriend, Heather, was sick, and that I needed someone to sit with before school started. No one ever seemed to question this explanation and I was just waiting for the day when someone would say “What, you can’t sit by yourself?” or “If you’re so cool, why don’t you have any friends other than my girlfriend?” Luckily for me, the intelligence level of most of the people at my school is equal to that of a sheep in the sense that I could tell them something and they would all believe it and follow that explanation right off a cliff-if everyone else followed it too, of course.
Taylor and I talked about shoes, and then we talked some more about shoes, and then just for a change of pace, we talked about shoes. Heather wasn’t kidding-this guy really liked his shoes. Even though I figured it was a long shot that someone could actually be that interested in something so trivial, I had done as much research as I could on the topic after my movie the night before, so I was well prepared for this conversation. Taylor was obviously pleased by my vast shoe knowledge, and so I decided that while he was still enamored with me I should set up a date for tonight before he could realize he still had a girlfriend. I didn’t call it a date when I suggested it, of course; that would possibly cause him to realize he had to break up with his girlfriend when I was supposed to ensure that it happened the other way around. Instead I casually said something like: “I’m going out tonight at about eight to that little coffee shop near the library. If you happened to be there, I wouldn’t complain.” He seemed to pick up on the hint pretty fast and gave me an excited smile and nod of his head. I felt like things were going pretty smoothly which was why his next words startled me so much.
“So, who are you going with to prom?” he asked.
My mouth actually dropped open in shock. I had endured lots of pathetic attempts at securing my phone number, but prom? In high school that was a pretty big thing, not that I’d really know since I’d never been, but from what I’d heard and simply judging by my clients’ behavior around this time of year, I had good reason to be shocked. I gathered my thoughts quickly and strung together a barely coherent answer.
“Well, I’m actually… um… maybe going with someone… a friend,” I said after a long and awkward silence in which Taylor stared at my shoes, more out of fascination for them than by embarrassment at the look on my face. I hoped springing this news on him wouldn’t hurt his desire to meet me at the coffee shop that night.
“Who?” he asked me, finally meeting my eyes. That was a good question-I had no idea. I didn’t even have a brother or a male cousin I could pay to take me. I hadn’t ever been to a dance.
“David,” I finally blurted out, quickly recalling one of the names on my fact sheet.
“David who?” he persisted. I had to hand it to the boy-he really didn’t give up without a fight. It was no wonder Heather wouldn’t just break up with him herself.
“I don’t know his last name,” I admitted lamely. “We just sort of met. He’s my friend’s friend and neither of us had someone to go with so we thought we’d go as friends. So I can’t really back out… for my friend’s sake… I don’t know much about him, but he likes photography and books and culture.” I was rambling off everything listed on my fact sheet for David and looking like a complete idiot while doing it. If I didn’t regain my cool and composed facade quickly, I might actually fail a job for the first time. Taking a deep breath, I rearranged my facial expression to one of composure. Taylor was just staring at me with that look that cool boys give to nerdy girls who have just confessed their love for them. I’d seen it many times but no one had ever given it to me. Just for this I decided I would have to pull out all the stops.
I let a little sideways smile creep onto my face as if there were some joke on Taylor that he wasn’t in on. “I’m kidding,” I said finally in a way that said, “Weren’t you cool enough to understand that?” This seemed to appease his wonder at my sudden fall from coolness. “I’ll call you later tonight and we’ll talk about it,” I lied smoothly. Then I got up from my spot beside him right as the bell rang and walked as quickly as I could to class without full-on sprinting.
Even though I had managed to secure the date in the allotted time I’d given myself, I couldn’t help but feel slightly shaken by my horrible performance. I had never lost my cool during a job before. I tried to blame it on my pre-prom depression and sat quietly through history, which wasn’t difficult to do since the teacher had a tendency to lecture at us while the class slept. I confidently told myself that it was a one-time occurrence and I wouldn’t let myself be thrown like that again.
That’s probably why, in the weeks to come, I didn’t expect the changes that came hurtling toward me.
Chapter Six
