The Grin of the Dark

which is framed by a pair of frog's legs, and click on the translation button. In a very few seconds the paragraph appears transformed in a lower window.

If Mack Sennett were the father of film comedy, Tubby Thackeray was his/her son uncontrollable. In five years in Keystone Studios it made twenty films which threatened to turn over very that even Sennett judged crowned. Where Keystone Cops brought ring of circus in the streets, and Chaplin built a ring as a setting for its ego wounded, for Tubby the world whole was a tent to be pulled down on the heads of audience. He was the clown who showed us what meant the word before there was a word. If he had been a joker of court he would have been decapitated for his danger, only to reclaim his head and continue the performance. We never would invite it on our premises to amuse us, but when we went to the bed it would wait to direct our dreams. No wonder Surrealists assembled themselves to see its films during the short period before they were prohibited in Europe and Great Britain. Magritte borrowed the top hat which Feuillade kept in the glass case, but Dali painted Tubby, because he could not forget it. These paintings can give the sense best of how Tubby almost released these most dangerous creatures of their cage of circus – the clowns. Its quiet laughter promised outrages beyond something we could imagine then or now. Perhaps us should breathe a sigh of relief that he stopped to be comedian just like master. If he had taught all that he knew, what would his pupils be making of the world? Rather we turn towards comforts of Lautreamont and Sade.

I submit the next few paragraphs for translation in case they contain more about Tubby than I think. The writer believes Tubby may have influenced Fritz Lang's master criminals, who are either clowns or madmen – Lang apparently described Tubby as 'the one true comic of our age or other', and I assume that 'any' ought to be the penultimate word, however excessive this seems. She invites us to note that the 'temple of silence' in which Fred Astaire is reduced to miming at the start of Top Hat is called the Thackeray Club. She finds the Marx Brothers and the Three Stooges decorous compared with Tubby, and then sets about arguing that horror films are the purest form of comedy in the cinema, which hardly helps my research. I'm not sure how much the first paragraph does. By comparing the translation with the original I manage to restore some of it to sense – for instance, 'very that even Sennett judged crowned' means 'everything even Sennett held sacred', and 'its quiet laughter' is 'his silent laughter' – but which master is Tubby supposed to have imitated, and did he do so by ceasing to be a comedian? I'm frustrated to feel that the text is addressed to readers more informed than I am. Still, there's one lead to check on the British Board of Film Classification site.

Many comedies lost footage to the Board when it called itself a censor. One of Keaton's films was cut, two of Harold Lloyd's were shortened, as well as three Chaplins, four with the Marx Brothers and five that starred Laurel and Hardy. Tubby beat them all, however. Not only were Tubby's Troublesome Trousers and Telescopic Thrill and Telepathic Tricks censored to an unrecorded extent, but every film with his name in the title from 1918 onwards was refused a certificate.

I'll add the information to the movie database once my book has been published, but I've another reason to visit the site. When I check Willie Hart's page, an agent is indeed listed in the sidebar. I email Hart via the agent to ask for help in reviving grandfather Orville's reputation, and then I'm drawn to Tubby's page. There's a reply from Smilemime on the message board.

I've no idea who Questionabble Attribution thinks he is if he's even a he. Funny that I've never seen a post from him before, at least not named Leslie Stone. Let's all wait while he reads the title at the top of the page. It's T.u.b.b.y.s. T.i.n.y. T.u.b.b.i.e.s. Tripplets means there's three alright, because it comes from tripple, but it means babies, and they aren't babies in the film. Hey, maybe that's why it isn't called Tripplets. Maybe Mr Questionabble has never seen the film as well. Maybe Mr Questionabble should leave posting on here to people that know about films.

I don't think this deserves more than a laugh in response. If Smilemime is spreading misinformation about Tubby, that will make my book more useful when it's published. I'm muffling a hearty chuckle for fear that Joe might want to know why I'm amused when my mobile strikes up its tune. As I lift it to my ear a man demands 'Is that the university?'

'It isn't, sorry.'

'You said it was.' Before I can deny this I'm more bewildered to be asked 'Who did you say you were again?'

'I didn't, but I'm Simon Lester.'

'That's who you said. The university man. What are you after?'

I recognise him now. I've heard his voice on tape – on Those Golden Years of Fun and his answering machine – but he sounds older. 'Mr Tracy? Thanks for calling back. I saw your compilation. I'd love to discuss Tubby Thackeray if you can spare the time.'

'Discuss.' His faint Lancashire accent grows stronger and flatter as he says 'You said an interview.'

'Whichever you prefer.'

'The one as pays most.'

'Do you have a figure in mind?'

'Don't go thinking I've got time to chuck away,' Tracy warns, though I'm not aware of suggesting that he has. 'We're booked for months, me and my projector. There's still folks that want to watch old films that way, not on telly where they were never meant to be watched.' Perhaps he realises this rather contradicts his involvement with Those Golden Years of Fun, because he adds more sharply 'You can have me for three hundred. That's my price for an afternoon.'

'It'll be fine,' I say, since my publishers will cover it.

'You'll need to come up here.'

From his tone I could almost think that he's trying to deter me. 'When would be convenient?'

'Tomorrow. Better catch me while I'm in the mood. I'll be putting on shows for the rest of the week.'

This is surely my cue to ask 'Do you show Tubby Thackeray films?'

'You reckon I should show kids and their parents and old folk.'

'I don't see why not on the basis of the one that's in your film. Have you managed to collect any others?'

'You're not recording me, are you? Is this some of your interview?'

'No, I was just – '

'You're not recording.' This isn't merely a statement, because he says 'Leave the grilling till tomorrow so I can see you're not. And I'll want cash.'

'Could I at least ask which film of Tubby's is on your tape?'

'I thought you saw it. It said.'

'The soundtrack's worn on my copy,' I say and grin without amusement at the rest of the truth.

'You ought to be able to figure it out if you know about him.'

'I'd have guessed I was watching the terrible triplets.'

'Don't know why you bothered asking, then.' He sounds suspicious, and more so as he says 'Where'd you find it?'

'On the Internet. I'd have bought it from you if I'd known I could. In fact, can I still?'

'Why would you want to do that?'

'I've managed to erase the part I need. Don't ask me how.'

'Don't look at me. You're the only man I know that's got it.'

I can't believe he hasn't kept a copy. 'Why is it so rare?'

'Ask the bunch that put my film out. They put out stuff that got them in trouble.'

'Yours wouldn't have, surely.'

'They never bothered getting a certificate, so they had to sign it away as well. Let the police take the lot and didn't even hire a lawyer because they were scared it would cost too much.' Tracy laughs with little humour as he says 'It's not the first time Tubby's stuff came up against the law.'

'Why, when – '

'I've said enough for nothing. I told you, keep it for tomorrow. I'll pick you up at the station if you tell me when. Watch out for the virus.'

'Sorry, how was that again?'

'Keep your eyes peeled for the mumps,' he says with a giggle only just distinguishable from static, and leaves me to my confusion.