take him at his word that he had forgiven me, but I couldn’t. The mad idea crossed my mind that if I looked in the study I would find a note propped up on the mantelpiece, saying that he had gone away for a while because he needed time to think, the classic words to end a doomed relationship. I reminded myself, even as I pushed open the door, that Ben loved me, that our marriage was solid and he would never abandon his children, especially over something so trivial. The study was exactly as it had been when I showed it to him last night, except for a cold cup of tea sitting beside the computer. Really, I did need to get a grip on myself. But to be fair a lot of women might go to pieces after having a gun pointed at them, real or not. Shaking my head so that my hair, which I hadn’t combed, tumbled out of its pins, I entered the kitchen, which didn’t look as inviting as usual.
On chill, gray mornings such as this it helped to have a small blaze going in the red brick fireplace, but Ben hadn’t got one started. Nor was he there. Freddy was the one wandering around the table urging the children to eat up their cereal.
“I want porridge,” Tam had his elbows on the green and white check cloth and was blowing bubbles in his juice glass.
“Daddy always makes us porridge,” Abbey contributed wistfully.
“Love Daddy.” Rose dropped her spoon in her cornflakes and giggled with delight when milk splashed everywhere. Tobias sat happily licking his whiskers while Freddy appeared ready to tear his out. Indeed his beard already looked extra mangy.
“We all love Daddy,” I said, stepping up to the table, “but it seems we’ve got to manage without him this morning.”
“Mummy! Mummy!” squealed Rose.
“Your hair is so pretty.” Abbey reached up to stroke it. “Will I have to be all grown up before mine gets long down my back?”
“Can I have a boiled egg?” Tam asked.“With the army?”
“He means he wants his bread and butter cut up into soldiers,” I explained to Freddy while getting down a saucepan from the hanging rack above the Aga. “Where is Ben?”
“Gone down to Abigail’s. He said that if he stayed here he’d waste the whole morning at the computer. Obviously, he would have waited until you got up if I hadn’t done my cousinly duty in showing up to forage through the fridge. I’ve nothing in mine except a bottle of tomato sauce.”
“There are such places as supermarkets,” I replied, popping eggs into the boiling water.
“I’ve heard they charge money”-Freddy stood eating cereal out of the box-“and I don’t think that sort of thing should be encouraged. Call me an idealist, but someone has to make a stand.” He elbowed past me to munch on the slice of bread I had buttered for Tam.
“I suppose it’s a matter of principle with your mother,” I said before I could stop myself. “Enjoying getting things for free, I mean.”
“You mean pinching stuff?”
“It was wrong of me to bring it up.”
“A girl at school pinched me,” Abbey’s mouth trembled.
“She’ll go to hell for that.” Tam was gobbling up his egg, and Rose was looking around for hers. Abbey did not eat eggs. She said they gave her indigestion just like they did Mrs. Malloy. All three children were devoted to Mrs. Malloy, cheerfully believing that she had magic potions in her bag and flew around on the Hoover when they were in school to speed up the cleaning.
“Your mother’s a dear,” I said, handing Freddy a cup of tea. “And we all have our little foibles. I know you worry about her, but look on the bright side. She doesn’t smoke or drink…”
“People that smoke go to hell.” Tam licked egg off his face.
“Who told you that?”
“A boy in my class. His father says he hopes they all fry. Like a pan of chips. And choke on the smoke.”
“Did you ever smoke, Mummy?” Abbey clutched my hand in blue-eyed terror.
Freddy saved me from answering. “Some ghoul, that father! Puts the point across that there are worse things in life than dear old Mum’s little problem. Although I’ve got to admit, coz, that I do occasionally worry that it’ll all catch up with her, and she’ll end up in the clink.” He sighed heavily. “The thought of Dad cooking Christmas dinner for the next thirty years is not a happy one. I’ll be lucky to get a poached egg. He was fixing himself one last night when I phoned. And was in a very nasty temper about it. You’d have thought Mum had left him to fight the Battle of Waterloo all on his little lonesome.”
“Where was she?” I was gathering up plates and putting them in the sink.
“Down at some pub.”
“She’s entitled to a little outing.”
“Dad said she’d been there for three days.”
“That’s odd, considering as I was just saying that she doesn’t drink.” I spoke lightly, hoping Freddy wouldn’t see that I was worried. I was fond of Aunt Lulu and couldn’t believe Uncle Maurice hadn’t got off his rump to go and look for her. She could have taken a knock on the head during a brawl and be wandering the London streets senseless or gone off with the Guinness deliveryman. Or something worse, too terrible to contemplate, might have happened. “What exactly did your father say, Freddy?”
“Not much. He was in a state trying to get the poached egg out of the saucepan. To hear him shouting, you’d have thought it was a fish that kept leaping back into the water. I told him to calm down, and he said that if I couldn’t stop making silly suggestions I could hang up. The thing is, Mum doesn’t know how to cook, but she knows how to send out for a curry. So I imagine he was taking her absence harder than he was prepared to admit. All I got out of him was the name of the pub.”
“And what was it?” I was wiping Rose’s face and hands.
“That’s just it!” Freddy thumped his forehead with a fist, sending his skull-and-crossbones earring into a wild spiral. “I can’t remember. For some reason I keep thinking Long-fellows… but that’s not it.”
“Phone again and ask your father.”
“I did this morning, risking getting an earful about my lack of fiscal responsibility-two of his favorite words-in making back-to-back calls. But there was no answer.”
“Try his office.”
“He told me he was taking a few days off to get his shirts washed and ironed. Mum always pinches a couple of new ones for him each week. So it’s understandable that he’s at sixes and sevens without her.”
“I expect she got tired of spoiling him and has gone somewhere to relax.” It was a logical explanation, and I reminded myself that Aunt Lulu had proved well able to take care of herself in the past.
“Mummy we’re going to be late for school.” Tam eyed me sternly.
“Oh, my goodness!” I looked at the clock on the mantelpiece above the kitchen fireplace. “So you are! And I’m not even dressed. But I promise you no one goes to hell for arriving two minutes after the bell rings.”
“I’ll take them if you’ll let me use your car,” offered Freddy, whose only vehicle was a motorbike.
“Are you sure you don’t mind, with this business…”
“Of the missing Mum?” He grinned at me. “She’ll turn up. Come to think of it this isn’t the first time she’s done a bunk. A spirited lass, my mother. Dad isn’t easy to live with. Remember how I was forced to run away when he stopped my pocket money after finding me playing ‘doctor’ with that girl next door?”
“Freddy you were twenty five at the time. And she was married.”
“Picky! Picky! Come on gang!” He marshaled the children toward the alcove, where their coats and schoolbags hung, and had them out the door before I had completed my second round of hugs. “Back in half an hour, Ellie.”
Usually I enjoyed a little time on my own, but the house seemed too quiet after they had gone. Almost as though it had taken Ben’s side and was giving me the silent treatment. Tobias, who usually came slinking out of hiding when it was just the two of us, was conspicuous by his absence. Even the twin suits of armor appeared to avoid my gaze as I headed for the stairs. Telling myself that I had to snap out of this silly mood, I took a quick hot shower, washed my hair and after blowing it dry got dressed in a pair of brown corduroy slacks and an olive green sweater. There, that was better! Rather than waste time pinning my hair into a chignon I tied it back with a rubber band. A dash of lipstick, a brush of mascara, and I would be ready to march down to the vicarage and beard Kathleen Ambleforth in her den.
Freddy wasn’t back with the car when I left the house, but I didn’t mind walking even though it was pouring
