you. She is contacting you through your dreams, and in other ways.’
I looked down at my bruised arm.
‘Why would she… why would she do this to me?’
‘She wanted to get your attention.’
‘What’s her name?’ I asked, even though by now I had an idea what the answer might be.
‘Jane.’
This name took me completely by surprise. I’d been expecting something else.
Ger saw my surprise. ‘Does that mean anything to you?’
‘Not at all. I thought it might have been a girl who was killed near my home… Beth Cullen. What… what does Jane want from me?’
‘You have to figure that out on your own, I’m afraid. She chose you, not me.’
I guess it felt kind of an honour to be chosen, but at the same time I had no idea what on earth I could do. I wished she could find a less scary way to ask for help.
‘How can I help her if I don’t know what she wants?’
‘You haven’t been listening to her messages. Until today you didn’t even think something like this was possible. You have to start listening. There must be links between the dreams you are having, the places you saw her.’
‘If I listen, if I find out… will she go away?’
‘Once this spirit gets help she’ll move on. But…’ Ger let his sentence trail off, and avoided looking at me. This worried me a bit.
‘But what?’ I said.
‘Well… I wouldn’t be surprised if something like this happens again in the future. It seems that a unique path has been chosen for you.’
I sighed as I imagined a lifetime of headaches and visions and nightmares.
‘You can’t ignore this any more. It’s like driving along a road and completely disregarding the markings… eventually you’re going to get hurt.’
More hurt than I already was? I could take the headaches and the nightmares, but last night had been unbearable. I didn’t want to go through something like that again. Was Ger saying I had no choice? That I’d been chosen to do something, and that I had to accept whatever consequences came with it?
‘What if I can’t work it out?’ I said. Just because I was prepared to accept that a spirit was contacting me, didn’t mean I would suddenly get any better at figuring out what she wanted.
‘You will. I know you will.’
Ger stood up and walked over to the bookshelf. He took down a small black book and handed it to me. MASTERING PSYCHIC PROTECTION was printed on the cover in tiny gold letters.
‘I think you should read this,’ he said.
‘Is this to protect against the spirits?’
‘Yes, but it will also help you learn how to defend yourself from people on this side. Here, the demand for the truth never quite matches up to the supply. Some spirits want to get their message across, but often there are people who don’t want that message revealed.’
I took the book from him.
‘You can choose to block this out, Jacki, choose to ignore it as you have been doing, but you do so at your own risk. If you don’t start accepting who you are now, your health will just continue to get worse.’
Even though it was hard to believe, I was feeling better already.
‘Thanks. I’m sorry for, well, you know… for being so rude earlier,’ I said.
‘It’s fine,’ he said. ‘I understand. I’m not interested in trying to convert sceptics. People can believe whatever they want. And people can deny this stuff all they like… But as you know, when it’s staring you in the face, it’s very hard to get away from it.’
I felt guilty. Jane had been staring me straight in the face and I had explained her away. I tried to remember her features, but they were just a blur. Ger handed me another tissue and I wiped my face again. I’d been in such a rush that I’d forgotten to put on make-up and now must have looked a state, my bare face all red and puffy. The relief I felt meant that the tears just kept coming. I hardly ever cried; this was really not like me.
‘How did you find out you had this ability?’ I asked, trying to divert attention away from me as I pulled myself together.
‘I sort of always knew I could do it. I just wasn’t able to accept it. Or, rather, wasn’t
‘So what am I? I’m not a healer.’
‘No. But you do have the ability to connect with spirits. You can be whatever you want to be, just as long as you remember to use your gift. You don’t want to suppress it. You don’t want to end up like I did.’
‘Can you talk to my dad again?’
‘I’m afraid not. I think your dad must have been worried about you. Maybe he needed you to believe what was going on. Communicating with spirits who are at rest is extremely difficult and can be highly dangerous. It should only be attempted in exceptional circumstances. That’s not to say what you’re about to embark on won’t be dangerous as well.’
My stomach twisted. I wondered what else I’d have to endure.
‘You can talk to people who are in between more easily,’ said Ger. ‘Spirits who haven’t moved on. You can help them. You can help Jane.’
‘How do I help her?’
‘Just listen. Listen to what she has to say.’
Chapter 13
I walked back down the mountain in a kind of daze, replaying in my head everything Ger had said. I was grateful to have met him, and felt much better now that I knew there was an explanation. Not knowing had been scary. Last night had been one of the worst nights of my life. I’d been so freaked out – I’d never felt so out of control. But things were a bit better now because I understood what I had to do. In a strange way it was kind of exhilarating knowing I’d been chosen to do this. And having something to focus on distracted from the embarrassment of what had happened with Nick. I was going to help Jane. I was going to find out what had happened to her.
When I got back Mum was standing outside the front door of the house. She was talking to one of the builders, her gestures suggesting that she was unhappy about something. I knew those gestures well. I went inside the caravan and put the little black book that Ger had given me into the shoebox in the suitcase under my bed, right on top of Alf Meehan’s letter. That suitcase was fast becoming a home for my top-secret stash. I wasn’t used to keeping secrets from Mum. It wasn’t like I told her everything, but I never kept anything major from her. I considered letting her in on my secret, but then decided against it. She had enough to worry about. She didn’t need this too. Once I knew more, I’d tell her what was going on. Or I’d at least try. For now, I thought it was best to say nothing.
Ger had told me to listen. I was used to doing that. I was used to listening to songs, memorizing every word, repeating the particularly beautiful sentences and making note of why they worked so well. But it was hard to listen when you didn’t know what you were supposed to be listening for. The clues were supposedly all around me, but how was I to know exactly where they were? I was too tired to concentrate now. My visit had been so overwhelming that I just wanted to rest for a bit. I thought I’d better say hi to Mum first though.
I tied my hair up in a ponytail and walked across the grass to the house. Mum had finished talking to the builder, and was now sifting through sheets of paper.
