Lady, Here's Your Wreath

     “Am I glad to see you?” he said, wringing my hand. “Where the blazes have you been all this time?”

     I grinned at him. “Suppose we skip that for a moment, Colonel,” I said. “Seems like you've got yourself in a bit of a jam.”

     “Jam?” He certainly looked worried sick. “I'm sitting on dynamite. Listen, Mason, are you going to help me out again?”

     “Sure,” I said. “That's why I've come out here.”

     “Come in and have a drink,” he said, leading the way into a long, low room, with a big, empty fireplace at one end. I looked round, admiringly.

     “You've certainly've got a swell joint here,” I said.

     He was busy fixing the Scotch. “How did you hear about this?” he asked.

     “The Globe knew that we had been sort of friendly, and they thought maybe I could get in and find out what the trouble was about,” I said, taking the glass from his hand. “They figured that you would talk to me.”

     Just for a second he stared at me, then he grinned. “So you came out to fool them?”

     I nodded. “Sure, I came out to fool them.”

     The Scotch went down very well indeed.

     He sat down in a big armchair and ran his hand through his hair. He was a distinguished-looking guy, with a big, fleshy face and good eyes. I should think he was getting on for fifty, but he was tough and as hard as teak. He pointed to another chair. “Sit down, Mason, and tell me how you're going to get me out of this.”

     I sat on the table so I could look down on him. “I guess you gotta start talkin' first,” I said. “I gotta find out just how things are. All I know is a shot was reported and the cops came up. After a little while they came out, told the boys there was nothing to it, and beat it. If the cops were satisfied, I guess there ain't anythin' to get worried about. You ain't just bein' cussed, are you, Colonel?”

     Kennedy took a long pull at his glass. “It's worse than anything like that,” he said. “It's a woman.”

     I hid a little grin. The Colonel was a good guy, but he'd got a way of making dames fall for him. He didn't do much to encourage them. He just sat around and smiled, and along they'd come.

     “Huh, huh,” I said. I wasn't going to commit myself.

     He finished up the Scotch, fidgeted with the glass, and scowled out of the window at the boys sitting on the grass about two hundred yards away. I didn't hurry him.

     “You know how it is,” he began, still looking out of the window.

     “Sure,” I said to encourage him.

     “I was crazy to have anything to do with this woman,” he said. “She's got big connections. There'll be a devil of a scandal if anything leaks out, and she can't afford that, nor can I.”

     I took his glass and mine and filled them up. The vices of the upper crust always interested me. I'd got enough inferior complexes for rich folk to think they always did their vices so much better than I did mine. I guess it was just a complex, because I've thought about it a great deal, and I never really could think how they did it better than I, but that was maybe because I hadn't enough imagination.

     “I've got to get her out of this place, and I don't know how the blazes I'm going to do it.”

     I nearly spilt the liquor. “You mean she's still here?” I said.

     He twisted his head and looked at me. “Of course she is,” he said, showing a little of his old temper. “Why do you think I'm sitting here, letting those fellows make a monkey out of me?”

     “Okay, Colonel,” I said. “I didn't get it. The jam is getting the lady away without the boys seein' her; that it?”

     Kennedy nodded. “Do you think you could do it?” he asked.

     I thought about it, then I said: “Yeah, I guess it would work out all right. The boys want to see you. At the moment they don't think there's a dame in here. Right, what you gotta do is to see them, and while you're holding them with talk I'll get the dame out through the back door.”

     Kennedy sat there thinking. I could see he didn't quite like the idea. I could guess why. “You ain't got to worry about me, Colonel,” I went on. “I don't make capital out of friends of mine.”

     He looked up hastily. “No—I wasn't thinking of that. I... well, I guess, even you can't know who she is... she wouldn't stand for it.”

     I said: “Between you an' me I guess this dame's a little difficult, eh?”

     Kennedy nodded. “She's crazy,” he said. “Damn it, she pulled a gun on me last night.”

     I stared at him. “Then there was some shootin' goin' on?” I said.

     He hesitated. “Yes,” he said at last. “There was a misunderstanding. She's got a quick temper and the gun went off.”

     I couldn't help it. I laughed. It struck me as mighty funny. “Wouldn't she fall for your stuff, Colonel?” I said.

     For a moment I thought he was going to get mad, then he grinned ruefully. “For Pete's sake keep this quiet,” he implored me. “But I guess that's about it.”

     I slid off the table. “Suppose you go an' explain things to her. I reckon we gotta hurry, the boys out there are getting restless.”

     He got to his feet, looking worried. “I hope she'll listen to reason,” he said. He stood there like a