Maybe the same thing, Myron said. Does that make it right?
Depends, Win said.
On?
On the Clu Haid factor: Can you live with yourself?
That's it?
That's it. Can you live with yourself? I know that I could.
And you're comfortable with that?
With what?
With a world where people take the law into their own hands, Myron said.
Good lord, no. I'm not prescribing this remedy for others.
Just you.
Win shrugged. I trust my judgment. I'd trust yours too. But now you want to go back in time
and take an alternate route. Life is not like that. You made a decision. It was a good one based on
what you knew. A tough call, but aren't they all? It could have worked out the other way. Clu
might have smartened up from the experience, become a better person. My point is, you can't
concern yourself with distant, impossible-to-see consequences.
Just worry about the here and now.
Precisely.
And what you can live with.
Yes.
So maybe next time, Myron said, I should opt for doing the right thing.
Win shook his head. You're confusing the right thing with the legal or seemingly moral thing.
But that's not the real world. Sometimes the good guys break the rules because they know better
Myron smiled. They cross the foul line. Just for a second. Just to do good. Then they scramble
back into fair territory. But when you do that too often, you start smearing the line.
Perhaps the line is supposed to be smeared. Win said.
Perhaps.
On balance, you and I do good.
That balance might be better if we didn't stray across the line so much even if that meant
Jetting a few more injustices remain injustices.
Win shrugged. Your call
Myron sat back. You know what's bothering me the most about this conversation?
What's that?
That I don't think it'll change anything. That I think you're probably right.
But you're not sure, Win said.
No, I'm not sure.
And you still don't like it.
I definitely don't like it, Myron said.
Win nodded. That's all I wanted to hear.
Chapter 40
Big Cyndi was totally in orange. An orange sweatshirt. Orange parachute pants like something stolen from MC Hammer's 1989 closet. Dyed orange hair. Orange fingernail polish. Orange don't ask how skin. She looked like a mutant teenage carrot.
Orange is Esperanza's favorite color, she told Myron.
No, it's not.
It's not?
Myron shook his head. Blue is. For a moment, he pictured a giant Smurf.
Big Cyndi mulled that one over. Orange is her second favorite color?
Sure, I guess.
Satisfied, Big Cyndi smiled and strung up a sign across the reception area that read WELCOME
BACK, ESPERANZA!
Myron moved into his inner office. He made some calls, managed to do a little work, kept listening for the elevator. Finally, the elevator dinged at 10:00 A.M. The doors slid open. Myron stayed put. He heard Big Cyndi's squeal of delight; the floors below them almost evacuated at the sound. He felt the vibrations of Big Cyndi leaping to her feet. Myron stood now and still waited. He heard cries and sighs and reassurances.
Two minutes later Esperanza entered Myron's office. She didn't knock. As always.
Their hug was a little awkward. Myron backed off, shoved his hands in his pockets. Welcome
back.
Esperanza tried a smile. Thanks.
Silence.
You knew about my personal involvement the whole time, didn't you?
Esperanza said nothing.
That's the part I could never resolve, Myron said.
Myron, don't
You're my best friend, he continued. You know I'd do anything for you. So I couldn't for the
life of me figure out why you wouldn't talk to me. It made no sense. At first I thought you were angry at me for disappearing. But that isn't like you. Then I thought you had an affair with Clu and you didn't want me to know. But that was wrong. Then I thought it was because you had an affair with Bonnie Showing very poor judgment, Esperanza added.
Yes. But I'm hardly in a position to lecture you. And you wouldn't be afraid to tell me about it. Especially with the stakes so high. So I kept wondering, What could be so bad that you wouldn't talk to me? Win thought that the only explanation was that you did indeed kill Clu.
That Win, Esperanza said. Always the sunny side.
But even that wouldn't do it. I'd still stick by you. You knew that. There is only one reason you
wouldn't tell me the truth
Esperanza sighed. I need a shower.
You were protecting me.
She looked at him. Don't get all mushy on me, okay? I hate when you do that.
Bonnie told you about the car accident. About my bribing the cops.
Pillow talk, Esperanza said with a shrug.
And once you were arrested, you made her swear to keep her mouth shut. Not for your sake or
hers. But for mine. You knew that if the bribes ever became public, I'd be ruined. I'd committed a
serious felony. I'd be disbarred or worse. And you knew that if I ever found out, you wouldn't be
able to stop me from telling the DA because it would've been enough to get you off.
Esperanza put her hands on her hips. Is there a point to this, Myron?
Thank you, he said.
Nothing to thank me for. You were too weak coming off Brenda. I was afraid you'd do
something stupid. You have that habit.
He hugged her again. She hugged him back. Nothing felt awkward this time. When they broke
the embrace, he stepped back. Thank you.
Stop saying that.
You are my best friend.
And I did it for my sake too, Myron. For the business. My business.
I know.
So do we still have any clients left? she asked.
A few.
Maybe we better get on the horn then.
Maybe, he said. I love you, Esperanza.
Shut up before I puke my guts out.
