“Yes.”
“What did you talk about?”
“I told you. It’s confidential.”
Myron moved closer. He tried to pretend that he didn’t detest every bone in this woman’s body. He put his hand gently on her shoulder and met her eye. “Please listen to me, okay?”
Kitty’s eyes were glazed.
“Suzze visited you here yesterday,” Myron said as though talking to a slow kindergartener. “After that, she drove up to Kasselton and spoke to Karl Snow. Do you know who that is?”
Kitty closed her eyes and nodded.
“Then she went home and took enough drugs to kill herself.”
“She wouldn’t do that,” Kitty said. “Not to the baby. I know her. She was killed. They killed her.”
“Who?”
Another “I won’t talk” shake of the head.
“Kitty, you need to help me figure out what happened here. What did you two talk about?”
“We both promised.”
“She’s dead now. That trumps any promise. You’re not breaking any trust here. What did she say to you?”
Kitty reached for her purse and pulled out a pack of Kool cigarettes. For a moment she just held the pack and stared down at it. “She knew it was me who posted that ‘Not His’ comment.”
“Was she angry?”
“Just the opposite. She wanted me to forgive her.”
Myron thought about that. “Because of the rumors she spread about you when you got pregnant?”
“That’s what I thought. I thought she wanted to apologize for telling everyone I slept around and that the baby wasn’t Brad’s.” Kitty met Myron’s eye. “Suzze told you that, didn’t she?”
“Yes.”
“Is that why you thought I was some kind of whore? Is that why you told Brad it probably wasn’t his?”
“Not that alone, no.”
“But it contributed?”
“I guess,” he said, biting back the anger. “You’re not going to tell me that Brad was the only man you were sleeping with back then, are you?”
Mistake. Myron saw it.
“Would it matter what I said?” she asked. “You’re going to believe the worst. You always did.”
“I just wanted Brad to check, that’s all. I’m his older brother. I was only looking out for him.”
Her voice was filled with bitterness. “So noble.”
He was losing her again. Getting off track. “So Suzze came here to apologize for spreading rumors?”
“No.”
“But you just said-”
“I said that’s what I thought. At first. And she did. She admitted that she let her competitive nature get the best of her. I told her, it wasn’t your competitive nature. It was your bitch of a mother. First place or nothing. Take no prisoners. The woman was a lunatic. Do you remember her?”
“I do.”
“But I had no idea how crazy that bitch was. Do you remember that pretty Olympic figure skater from the nineties, what was her name, the one who got attacked by her rival’s ex?”
“Nancy Kerrigan.”
“Right. I could see Suzze’s mom doing that, hiring someone to whack my leg with a tire iron or whatever. But Suzze said it wasn’t her mom. She said that maybe her mom pressured her and so she cracked, but that it was on her, not her mom.”
“What was on her?”
Kitty’s eyes went up and to the right. A small smile came to her lips. “Do you want to hear something funny, Myron?”
He waited.
“I loved tennis. The game.” Her eyes had a far-off look to them, and Myron remembered how she was back then, the way she crossed the court like a panther. “I wasn’t that competitive compared with the other girls. Sure, I wanted to win. But really, since I was a little girl, I just loved playing. I don’t get people who really want to win. I often thought that they were horrible people, especially in tennis. You know why?”
Myron shook his head.
“There are two people in a tennis match. One ends up winning, one ends up losing. And I think the pleasure comes not from winning. I think the pleasure comes from beating someone.” She scrunched up her face like a very puzzled child. “Why is that something we admire? We call them winners, but when you think about it, they really get off on making someone else lose. Why is that something we admire so much?”
“That’s a good question.”
“I wanted to be a professional tennis player because, I mean, can you imagine anything more wonderful than making a living playing the game you loved?”
He heard Suzze’s voice:
“I can’t, no.”
“But if you’re really good, really talented, everyone tries to make it stop being fun. Why is that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why, as soon as we show promise, do they take away the beauty and make it all about winning? They sent us to these ridiculously competitive schools. They pitted us against our friends. It wasn’t enough for you to succeed- your friends had to fail. Suzze explained this to me, like I didn’t already get it. Me, who lost my entire career. She knew better than anyone what tennis meant to me.”
Myron stayed very still, afraid to break the spell. He waited for Kitty to say more, but she didn’t. “So Suzze came here to apologize?”
“Yes.”
“And what did she tell you?”
“She told me”-Kitty’s gaze moved past him, toward the window shade-“that she was sorry for ruining my career.”
Myron tried to keep his expression blank. “How did she ruin your career?”
“You didn’t believe me, Myron.”
He did not reply.
“You thought that I got pregnant on purpose. To trap your brother.” Her smile was eerie now. “So dumb when you stop and think about it. Why would I do that? I was seventeen years old. I wanted to be a professional tennis player, not a mother. Why would I intentionally get pregnant?”
Hadn’t Myron thought something similar recently? “I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I should have known better. The pill isn’t a hundred percent. I mean, we learned that first week of health class in seventh grade, right?”
“But you didn’t believe that, did you?”
“At the time, no. And I’m sorry about that.”
“Another apology,” she said with a shake of her head. “Also too late. But of course you’re wrong.”
“Wrong about what?”
“About the pill not working. See, that’s what Suzze came to tell me. She said she did it almost as a prank at first. But think about it. Suzze knew that I was religious-that I’d never have an abortion. So what would be the best way to eliminate me, her toughest competitor?”
Suzze’s voice from two nights ago.
“My God.”
Kitty nodded as if to confirm. “That’s what Suzze came here to tell me. She switched out my birth control pills. That’s how I ended up pregnant.”
It made sense. Stunning sense maybe, but it all fit. Myron took a second, let it all sink in. Suzze had been troubled two nights ago when the two of them sat on the balcony. Now he understood why-the talk about guilt, the dangers of being overly competitive, the regrets of the past-it was all a little clearer now.
