But that’s all.”
“Do you know he stole some of your recipes? You couldn’t have missed the spring rolls he put on the menu. He thought you’d be in Hawaii and you’d never know.”
“No, no.” Josh shook his head. “Snacker didn’t steal my recipes. After Digger died, Snacker asked me to help him with the menu. I gave him a ton of help, so of course the menu had my mark on it. I don’t mind if I give my permission, so it’s not like he was being sneaky or anything. Besides, after the opening, Snacker told me that he couldn’t handle being the executive chef there. He’s going to step down as soon as they find a replacement. He’s not ready, and he knows it. He never wanted that job, Chloe.”
“Good. What about Digger’s girlfriend, Ellie? After all, Digger betrayed her with her best friend. She did seem totally devoted to him.”
“Hmm.” Josh rolled off me and propped himself up on his elbow while he traced a finger over my stomach. “That’s actually a possibility.”
“I was the one who had to tell Ellie about Digger’s death, and she took it really hard. She was genuinely upset and heartbroken. She asked me to call Georgie. Ellie was obviously on good terms with her friend then. Or she was pretending to be. I know that she went through Digger’s e-mail after he died, but she could have done the same thing before his death and found out that he was cheating on her with Georgie. I think she took Digger’s laptop from his apartment after the fire,” I said, remembering the clean, soot- free outline that I’d seen on the desk. “When she told me that she hadn’t been there, she lied.”
“She’s a better suspect than Snacker, that’s for sure. Listen, Chloe,” Josh said, turning my face to his. “I have to talk to you about Kyle. I don’t know how involved you are with him, but-”
“I’m not involved with him at all, Josh. Not like that. I’m just his cookbook assistant.”
“Really? That’s a relief. I thought you two were…”
“I guess that’s what I wanted you to think.” I was not about to confess that I had, in fact, made an idiotic play for Kyle and been rebuffed. “It’s just that after you left, well, I was pissed. Actually, I’m still pissed. This,” I said, waving a finger between us, “is the result of temporary insanity.”
“Don’t say that. Please don’t say this is temporary.” Josh leaned down and kissed my stomach, and I let him work his way up to my lips.
“Last August you were only thinking about yourself and what you wanted. You didn’t stop and think about what leaving would mean for me. You left me, Josh. Don’t forget that.” I might have been talking tough, but I felt anything but.
“I left, yes, but I didn’t mean to leave you. I know that sounds stupid, but it’s true. And I wasn’t thinking about myself. Okay, not just about myself. I really thought you’d want to come with me. The couple I work for put me up in this great guesthouse, I looked up a program where you could have kept going to school, and I just… I don’t know. I thought after the year we’d had that maybe it would be good to get away for a while. To go somewhere where we could just relax and enjoy each other. But you just said no so quickly… I screwed up, Chloe. I really screwed up.”
“It was escaping, Josh. That’s all it was. Going to Hawaii meant avoiding everything here instead of tackling problems head-on. How were things supposed to become normal if we ran off?”
“Babe, what’s wrong with escaping once in a while?”
It was true that Josh had had good reason to escape. Josh and I had been madly in love, so that part of my year had been great, but chaos had sullied much of our time together. Its principal source had been his work. As a chef, he’d worked hideously long hours in return for terrible pay and little appreciation. Most of all, he’d had all- around crummy bosses.
“I didn’t know that you’d looked into schools for me,” I said. “But you wanted me to just up and leave my life here! Leave Ade, Owen, and Patrick…” I trailed off. Adrianna had pointed out to me that, as much as they loved me, they could certainly function without me. “I mean, I have responsibilities here. I have school. I have… I have responsibilities. Big responsibilities. Of all sorts!”
Josh nodded. I could tell that he was trying not to smile. “I know. I didn’t mean for you to think that I don’t take your life seriously or that I don’t respect everything you have going on in Boston. You’ve worked really hard in school, and I’m proud of how much you’ve put into it. I was just hoping that you would’ve continued in Hawaii. You know, I found this great community center not too far from where I live. They have a program for underprivileged children, and I talked to the dean at the grad school nearby, and he said they’d consider letting students do internships there, and-”
“You talked to the dean?” I sat up in bed, totally surprised.
“Have you really not read any of my e- mails? Even the Facebook ones?”
“Well, no. I deleted all the ones you sent at first, and then after that, I blocked your address.” I hung my head, slightly embarrassed. “I guess I forgot about Facebook.”
“Go look. Right now.”
I leaned off the bed, pulled my laptop onto my lap, and checked my inbox. Oh my God! There were twenty-six messages, all from Josh. I started at the beginning and skimmed over the screen as my vision became blurry with tears. There were long e-mails in which Josh poured his heart out, begging me to forgive him for leaving and insisting that he still loved me. I tapped through message after message as Josh stroked my back and rubbed his cheek against my arm. What if I had read these messages earlier? Would things have changed? No, I told myself. Last summer, I wasn’t ready to up and leave. And who knew if I would ever be ready. I had worked so hard to build an independent life for myself, and I wasn’t about to chuck it for some guy. But Josh wasn’t just any guy. I promised myself that I’d read Josh’s letters more thoroughly later, but there was a limit to how much I could absorb right now.
“Seems like you made a lot of friends in Hawaii,” I said as I pulled up the gaggle of girls on the screen. “Lots of very sexy, scantily clad friends.”
“That,” he said pointing to one of the girls, “is my friend Fritz’s fiancee, and that’s her cousin, who is married.” Josh shut off the computer and took my hands in his. “Since the day I met you, I have not even glanced at another woman. Not one. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t love anyone else. Only you. Do you believe that?”
I wanted to believe him, but what was the point? He would go back to Hawaii soon, and I’d still be in Boston.
“I’m starving,” I announced.
Josh laughed. “Of course you are. Some things never change.”
“And some things do,” I said pointedly.
“Let’s get some food in you and see how you feel after that. You want to walk down to Pino’s?”
I couldn’t say no to the best, gooiest pizza in the world.
“Sure.”
After all, I’d worked up quite an appetite…
TWENTY
WHILE we got dressed, Josh brought up Kyle again. “Aside from wanting to see you tonight, I did want to warn you about Kyle. I’m glad you’re not dating him, but I don’t think you should be working with him, either.”
“Why not?” I yanked a sweatshirt over my head and slipped back into my sweatpants. “What exactly is your problem with him?”
“You told me you were working on a cookbook, but I didn’t realize it was with Kyle until I saw you with him at the Penthouse. Digger and I went to culinary school with him.”
“Owen just told me that this afternoon. I don’t know why Kyle never mentioned that he’d trained as a chef, though.” I grabbed my winter boots and ski jacket, and took my keys off the desk. “You ready?”
Josh nodded. “I’ll tell you why Kyle never told you. He dropped out of the program.”
“He did?” We went out the back door. It was dark now. I held the railing as I walked down the stairs.
“Yeah, and Digger and I are probably to blame for that. Kyle just couldn’t cook. He was awful. He couldn’t tell good food from bad. He dropped stuff all the time, never cleaned his workstation, burned things more times than I
