“That’s true,” Jennifer said. She wasn’t surprised. Her grandmother was extremely proud of what Jennifer had done, and to Jennifer’s chagrin bragged about it to anyone who would listen. Jennifer tried to think of what else to ask. She actually hadn’t given it a lot of prior thought. “Was it you who found Maria after her apparent heart attack?”
“No!” Veena said comparatively explosively. “No, no,” she repeated. “Mrs. Hernandez died on the evening shift. I work days. I’m off at three-thirty. I was home. This is my first month working here. I work days with supervision.”
Jennifer regarded the young nurse, who was, in actuality, a contemporary. Jennifer couldn’t help but feel there was something amiss, as if they weren’t quite on the same wavelength. “Can I ask you a couple of personal questions?”
Veena nodded hesitantly.
“Have you recently graduated from nursing school?”
“About three months ago,” Veena said, nodding.
“Is my grandmother the first patient you’ve lost?”
“Yes, she was,” Veena said with another nod. “The first private patient.”
“I’m sorry. It’s never easy, whether you’re the doctor, the nurse, or even the medical student, and I’m certainly not angry with you. The fates, maybe, but not you. I don’t know if you are religious, but if you are, doesn’t your religion provide a source of comfort? I mean, apparently, it was my grandmother’s karma to leave this life, and maybe in her next life she won’t have to work quite so hard. She really worked hard all her life, and not for herself. She was truly a generous person. The best.”
When Jennifer saw Veena’s eyes glaze over with tears, she felt she had figured out the source of the nurse’s distress. Granny had been her first death as a real nurse, a difficult milestone, which Jennifer could certainly relate to. “You are a dear for caring so much,” Jennifer added. “I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. But I do have a few more questions. Do you know much about my grandmother’s actual death? I mean, like, who found her and what were the circumstances? Even what time it was?”
“It was Theru Wadhwa who found her when he went in to see if she wanted sleep medication,” Veena said, wiping the corners of her eyes with a knuckle. “He thought she was asleep until he noticed her eyes were open. I asked him about it last night when he came to work, since she was my patient and all.”
“What time was it, do you know?” Jennifer asked. Having uncovered the young woman’s secret and broached the issue, Jennifer expected she’d relax. But such was not the case. If anything, she seemed even more anxious. Her hands were working at each other in her lap as if in a wrestling match.
“Around ten-thirty.”
“Since you talked directly with the nurse, did he describe her in any particular way? I mean, did she look calm, like it was an easy death? Did he say anything like that?”
“He said she looked blue when he turned the lights on and called a code.”
“So they tried to revive her?”
“Only briefly. He said it was apparent she was dead. There was no cardiac activity at all, and she was cool and already a little stiff.”
“That’s dead, alright. What about the blueness? Do you know if he meant more gray or really blue?”
Veena looked off as if thinking. Her hands detached from each other gripped the arms of the chair. “I think he meant blue.”
“Cyanosis-like blue?”
“I think so. That’s what I assumed.”
“That’s curious for a heart attack.”
“It is?” Veena asked, somewhat surprised.
“Did he say allover blue or just, like, blue lips and blue fingertips.”
“I don’t know. I think allover blue.”
“What about Mr. Benfatti?” Jennifer asked, rapidly switching the subject. She’d suddenly remembered stories of so-called angels of death, healthcare serial killers, who also were the ones who “found” their victims after the fact, sometimes to try to save them.
“What about Mr. Benfatti?” Veena questioned, startled.
“Did Nurse Wad-something happen to find him as well last night?” Jennifer asked. She knew the answer would be no, but she had to ask it anyway.
“No,” Veena blurted. “Mr. Benfatti wasn’t on this floor. He was on three. I don’t know who found Mr. Benfatti.”
“Ms. Hernandez!” a voice called from behind Jennifer. Startled, Jennifer turned and looked up. It was Head Nurse Kumar, who’d walked over from the central desk.
“I’m afraid Ms. Chandra has to get back to her patient. Also, I called down to Mrs. Kashmira Varini to let her know that you were here. She asked me to ask you to come by her office. She said you knew where it was. I’m sure she can handle any more questions you might have.” Nurse Kumar motioned for Veena to return to her charge.
Both Jennifer and Veena stood.
“Thank you very much,” Jennifer said. She reached out and shook hands with the woman and was surprised that her hand was like ice.
“You are welcome,” Veena said hesitantly, reverting back to acting like a shy girl. Her eyes darted self- consciously between the two women. “I’ll get back to work.”
Jennifer watched her walk away, lamenting just how little she’d be able to eat and how much she’d have to exercise to have an equivalent body. She then turned her attention and acknowledged as much to Nurse Kumar: “A beautiful woman.”
“You think so?” Nurse Kumar questioned stiffly. “You do know where Mrs. Varini’s office is, I trust.”
“I do,” Jennifer agreed. “Thank you for your help in allowing me to speak with her.”
“You are entirely welcome,” Nurse Kumar said, but she then abruptly spun on her heel and headed back toward the nurses’ station.
Sensing a snub of sorts, Jennifer walked over to the elevators. She thought briefly of asking to see her granny’s room but changed her mind. She knew it would look like any hospital room, just upscale. When the elevator came and she boarded, she noticed the guard who’d come to the floor earlier did, too. She was clearly being treated with great suspicion.
As the elevator descended, Jennifer thought over the conversation she’d had with the newly hired nurse. She was touched the woman was still so emotional about Granny’s passing, since she probably had spent only hours over the course of several days in Granny’s presence. Of course, the most interesting part of the conversation was about Granny’s reputed cyanosis. Closing her eyes for a second, Jennifer transported herself back to physiology class and tried to scientifically think what kind of heart attack might cause generalized cyanosis. Unfortunately, she couldn’t think of any. The only thing that came to mind was possible aspiration and choking on food. To get generalized cyanosis, Granny’s heart would have had to have been pumping fine; it would have had to be her lungs that weren’t doing their part.
Jennifer opened her eyes. Such thinking raised the issue of smothering. Someone could have smothered her grandmother and produced generalized cyanosis, but as soon as the idea occurred to her, Jennifer actively swept it from her mind. She couldn’t believe how paranoid she was becoming. She felt embarrassed. She knew, just as she knew where her next breath was coming from, that no one had smothered Granny.
The elevator landed at the lobby and most everyone got out, including Jennifer, who made it a point to lock eyes for a moment with the guard, who was holding the doors ajar. “Why, thank you,” Jennifer said brightly. The guard acted surprised to be addressed but didn’t return the nicety.
Wasting no time, Jennifer headed to the marble front desk, rounded it, and walked to Kashmira Varini’s open door. Jennifer rapped on the jamb. Kashmira was at her desk, filling in a form. “Come in, please,” she said when she looked up in response to Jennifer’s knock. She stood and went through her usual greeting, which Jennifer merely acknowledged with a slight bowing of her head. Kashmira then motioned to a seat and Jennifer dutifully sat. Jennifer looked at Kashmira.
“Thank you for coming back,” Kashmira said. “I hope you had a refreshing nap.”
“I didn’t sleep a wink.”
“Oh!” Kashmira voiced, apparently expecting a more positive reaction to what she meant more as a rhetorical
