“I’m also confused.” Sarah exhaled heavily and continued fiddling with the key, trying to think of what to say. “After the other night, I think I got it,” she said. “I mean . . . Jesus Christ, I killed a guy, and I cried my eyes out. You go out and do that every day, and they just expect you to keep on doing it and not break down. You broke down, didn’t you?”
I looked down at the floor, lowering my head just a little. “When I saw that girl, I . . .”
“I know,” Sarah said quietly. “I know. It really bothers you when men hurt women, doesn’t it?”
I was surprised by the question. “I guess. I mean . . .”
“I can tell,” she said. “Even when you were dragging Asra Elnadi along, you were very careful with her. You probably didn’t even bruise her arm.”
“I would’ve shot her if she ran,” I said levelly. “Just like I was ordered to.”
“I know,” Sarah said. “It would’ve bothered you for a long time, though, wouldn’t it?” I nodded my head slightly. “I read your file. I know about your mom. That had to have been awful.”
I had just been a teenager when she’d been robbed and murdered by some random meth-heads. “It was, but it’s been a really long time.”
“I didn’t get you at first, you know,” she said. “I mean, you’re cute and everything, but I didn’t think you’d be good for much more than a roll in the hay.”
“You think I’m cute?” I interjected, trying to deadpan.
“Shut up,” Sarah said, grinning and giving me a little shove. “I’m serious. I didn’t think we’d . . . you know . . .”
“Yeah,” I said. “This is kind of intense, isn’t it?”
Sarah nodded. “But I get it now. I know you guys are under a lot of pressure out there. I mean, oh my God, look at how many people we’ve lost already!”
“Sarah—”
“I’m not finished. That doesn’t change what happened. I came here to help you. You yelled at me and made me feel like a piece of shit.” Sarah’s cool words hurt me like I was being stabbed. “And I need to know where we stand, right now. Because if this is how you are . . . I’m sorry, I mean, I know what you’re going through now, but if this is how you are, I’m not going to be a part of it. I spent three years in a bad relationship, and I’m not going through it again.”
I was quiet for a few moments as I tried to figure out what to say. The thought of driving her away terrified me. The thought of trying to build a relationship with her, in the middle of war, also terrified me. I wasn’t sure which scared me more. Sarah gave me a hard look, swallowed, and spoke again. “Mike, if you want me in your life . . .”
“I want you in my life,” I said awkwardly. “You’re just . . . you’re amazing. I can’t even tell you. I—”
Sarah gently placed a finger over my lips, silencing me. “It’s okay. I just needed to hear you say that. Thank you.”
We sat together, quietly looking into each other’s eyes for a long time. Butterflies danced around in my stomach, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Right then I knew that I was falling in love with her. It was an amazing feeling, and it scared the hell out of me. I didn’t even know if either of us was going to make it out of Zubara alive.
As I looked into her eyes, I asked myself, is it worth the risk? I realized that I’d already made my decision, even before I asked the question. This woman had seen me at my best and at my worst, and she still wanted to be with me. What kind of fool passes that up?
I took the silvery trinket from Sarah’s hand, opened the chain, and gently hung it around her neck. She’d said it was pretty.
“Are you giving me this thing? Too cheap to buy me a real present?” She laughed.
“I found this thing that night,” I said awkwardly. “So . . . I’m giving it to you, as a promise of a fresh start.”
Sarah crinkled her brow at me. “That is so cheesy, but really sweet too. So yes, I accept your token of apology.” She laughed again. “Oh, I almost forgot. You’re off for the next three days at least.”
“The next three days? Are you serious?”
“I talked to Hunter for you. I convinced him you and your chalk need a break. So you don’t have anything to do for the next three days but lounge around the fort and relax.”
“What about you?”
“I have a briefing I have to be at in . . .” Sarah glanced at her watch. She wore it upside down, so that the face was on the underside of her right wrist. “Four hours. I don’t have anything to do until then.”
“I can think of something,” I said coyly, knowing I sounded more dorky than suave.
“Oh really?” Sarah said, sounding coy herself, as she moved in to kiss me again. “Sounds interesting . . .”
Some time later, Sarah and I lay together in my bed. She was asleep in my arms. Her hair smelled like strawberries. She was a quiet sleeper.
I don’t know how long I lay there, holding her in my arms, thinking about things, before I feel asleep. What chance did Sarah and I have in this place? What else could I do? Could we get out somehow? Even if I could find a way to escape Zubara, would I be able to convince Sarah to go with me and leave everyone else behind?
Chapter 11:
For the Good of
the People
LORENZO
April 20
I punished the bag until my knuckles bled.
It was an eighty-pound leather punching bag that I’d found used in a local market. Some duct tape, and it was good as new. I’d hung it up in the corner of the garage and was using it for some stress release. I worked out religiously every morning, but this was different. I’d already been striking the bag furiously for half an hour, and stinging sweat was leaking into my eyes.
I imagined that the bag was Big Eddie. If I could get my hands on whoever he was, I was going to absolutely destroy him. The nerve, the
